If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

BDSM Dating App Helps the Kinky Get Together

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BDSM Dating App Helps the Kinky Get Together

Tinder has been so successful it has bred a near universe of similar apps with their own twist on its successful model.  If you are a shy guy, there’s Catch. Stylish sack jumpers who are also cerebral can meet on Hinge. Those who are very health conscious can find each other on SaladMatch. To select someone who knows how to give a proper salute try Uniform Dating. If you care about the person’s personality and not so much their looks give Willow a try. Black professionals can find possible mates on Meld. Try The League if you are wealthy and the other person’s net worth is of importance to you. The latest in this dating app tsunami is for those who want to get their kink on and find a partner that’s into the kinds of freaky things they want to do. Take Tinder and BDSM, put it in a blender and what shoots out is Whipir. This app does in fact allude to the likeness of the prior landscape-changing app. They also claim to be the only platform solely for the BDSM community. It is important to find someone who is open-minded enough, and trusting enough to allow us to explore our deep desires, and help us find out more about ourselves. We do so when we lead someone else through their deepest fantasies as well.

Whipir is user friendly offering free calls, real-time messaging and video chats. The usability of dating apps is one reason why people are pivoting away from the old-time desktop version which requires a lengthy profile process and often membership fees. Apps are so convenient and cost little if anything to use. Whipir is easy to navigate. You upload a normal photo, answer a few questions including your gender, location, kinky interests and level of experience and away you go. Your choices filter out other members and hopefully put you in front of people, or put people in front of you, that are looking for what you are. Then you can chat up those who seem as though they have potential and even send out a few “sparks.” These are interests you can propose to someone you might like to experience them with. This isn’t just for the initiated. Whipir invites the curious or those who have only just started exploring to join in the dark, titillating fun.

There are what they describe as “kink categories.” These include materials, accessories, objects, sounds and fashion. If you are into latex, love the smell of leather or can’t wait to be tied down, you imply it here. One unfortunate drawback though, it doesn’t get any more specific than these categories. So if you want to spank someone there’s no way of specifically knowing without chatting and finding out what another is into. Chief communications officer Daniel Sevitt told Refinery 29 that these categories were left vague on purpose. This was because they wanted to allow a broad interpretation of kink, and even to allow users themselves to define their own fantasies and interests, without the platform dictating it to them. There is another BDSM site called FetLife. They bill themselves as the Facebook of kink. This is more of a social networking site, whereas Whipir is an efficient dating platform modeled after Tinder. Analysts wonder due to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon if the app will become huge or sort of fizzle out. But if you are interested, Whipir may be the next great place to find someone to get your freak on with. If you’re interested in learning more about the intersection of technology and dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

How to take your Girlfriend to a Gentlemen’s Club

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How to take your Girlfriend to a Gentlemen’s Club

Lots of guys think that they can’t take their girlfriend to a gentlemen’s club.  Truth is some girls are totally down, but your timing has to be right. The circumstances too have to be good. Don’t spring it on her on the way to a funeral, or after work when she’s tired. But if the two of you are bored and staring at each other over a couple of salads on a Saturday night, it might be a fun way to spice things up. There are some things you’d best watch out for. Here is how to take your girlfriend to a gentlemen’s club.

First, don’t tell her once you’ve pulled into the parking lot. Break the idea in advance. Feel it out. If she has any bi-curiosity, bring this up. Let her know that you think it’s hot that she thinks it’s hot. Tell her you want to get all turned on there, come home and make passionate love to her, use it as a way to get to ecstasy. The sale of orgasmic bliss may just be enough to push her over the edge. If it’s about ogling other women, she may or may not be down. But if it’s about her, her enjoyment and her fantasies, she just may be your designated driver.

Don’t get hammered however, or you are likely to make a fool of yourself and ruin any chances of further trips to the strip club. Once there, see if she’s interested in a lap dance. Now if you care about this woman at all, for the love of all that is good in this world, do not take her to the seedy, greasy neighborhood strip club. Don’t take her to a dive. Not only will she not enjoy it, and tell others about it, you will lessen your chances of getting some real hot action later. And who would do that? Find a place she’d like to go to. Show her their web page. Send her some links and ask which one she prefers. Write her dirty texts or emails saying what you will see, and what you will do to her afterward. It’s especially important to talk to her about it a week in advance, and perhaps the day before.

Remember to approach it right, telling her how hot it will be. Maybe you won’t even take her home but have her right in the backseat in the parking lot. How hot would that be? Women get turned on by being desired. And if you hint at the frenzy of passion you will enact upon her, she’ll be so turned on you might even get some action beforehand. Whatever you do never ever compare your girlfriend to the strippers. It will never sound complimentary. Don’t act like you are not at a strip club. You are. Relax and enjoy it and she will too. Be a little bit classy. Ask if it’s okay that you get a lap dance, and perhaps buy her one at the same time. Use it as a fantasy builder for her and you will ultimately reap all the benefits. For more advice on enhancing your sex life read, Spice up Your Marriage: A 28-Day Adventure by Hallie Lord.

Science Says BDSM Is Good For You

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Science Says BDSM Is Good For You

Practitioners of Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) or Sadism and Masochism (S&M) were once underground movements kept in the shadows, and portrayed in the media as perverts or deviants. Fast forward past the Sexual Revolution, and we get the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey. Now with the oncoming movie premier, it seems that everyone is talking about BDSM and many couples are interested in trying it out.

Of course there are those who follow the lifestyle and many others who like to engage in the occasional kinky escapade. A lot of misconceptions swirl around the practice such as that it is all about pain. In fact, actual physical pain usually has very little to do with it. Ironically psychologists say there are a lot of positive psychological benefits for those who practice BDSM. Statistics show that Americans are more interested in kinky sex than other nations are. 36% of adults in one Durex survey said that they engaged in using blindfolds, a bondage tool or masks during sex. In other countries around the world, that number was 20%. Experts believe the practice of BDSM can help couples communicate, stay in tune with one another, know each other from different sides and help build their bond.

Couples can come to understand one another better through the personas they play or the masks they wear. Also, by being comfortable enough to share your fetish or particular kink and being accepted for who you are, you and your lover build a deep and fulfilling bond able to weather the most intrepid storms. Scientists believe that dopamine and serotonin, the neurotransmitters that help people relax and attain a sense of wellbeing, are released due to the pleasure that can be found in the practice of BDSM. Certainly, it isn’t for everyone. Not just anyone can feel comfortable enough to express themselves this way. Nor is it everyone’s forte. But many do enjoy it and also feel guilty about it. Certainly, in the wake of the sexual revolution we shouldn’t feel guilty. In fact, finding acceptance and a partner who is willing to indulge our fantasies, just as we are willing to indulge theirs can be a great and satisfying adventure and helps build a loving bond. Vasopressin is also released through fulfilling sex, whether the couple is engaged in “vanilla sex” or BDSM.

BDSM helps couples communicate according to Dr. Jeffrey Sumber, a Chicago psychotherapist. Couples who are going to engage in blindfolding, spanking, whipping or handcuffing better have their communication down. But more enhanced communication means the couple is better able to navigate flare ups, flesh out underlying issues and come to agreements. Intimacy can also be deepened not only by revealing one’s true nature but because taking part in such practices involves an element of risk, hence the excitement it conjures. But that also means one must implicitly trust one’s partner to feel comfortable enough to take part.

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2009 found that those who take part in BDSM scored higher in feelings of closeness with their partner. This closeness and trust can also inhibit infidelity. Other studies have found that it promotes wellbeing, calms stress and anxiety and allows for better mental health. Be sure to read up on it should you and your lover be interested in trying it out. There are rules and best practices to follow to make sure no one gets hurt. Everyone has something that turns them on. And BDSM is just one way for couples to engage in transformative sex. For this and other ways to do so read, Partners in Passion: A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy, and Long-term Love by Mark A. Michaels & Patricia Johnson.

50 Shades of Your Relationship

SPANKING

50 Shades of Your Relationship

At one time bondage, domination, sadism and masochism (BDSM) was considered abhorrent, frightening, freakish or extreme. But today, in the wake of the Sexual Revolution and the advent of the erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey, many people are more interested and open to the lifestyle. What’s more, it may have benefits such as rekindling the spark in your relationship, getting you out of a sexless marriage and even improving on communication—something all couples struggle with from time to time. The New York Times and other newspapers have run articles about BDSM, Cosmopolitan has been giving kinkier advice and Harvard University now teaches a class on S&M, all in preparation for the 50 Shades of Grey movie that just hit theaters.

So how common are these types of activities? Researchers say somewhere between 2-62% of couples practice BDSM. This is kinky sex we are talking about. There isn’t a clear picture exactly. People are most likely apprehensive about opening up about it. One 2008 Australian poll found that 2.2% of men and 1.3% of women said they engaged in S&M within the last month. But a study that just came out asking 1,500 American men and women about their fantasies, found that 53.3% of men and 64.6% of women had dreamt of being dominated sexually. Meanwhile 59.6% of men and 46.7% of women fanaticized about dominating someone else.

So is it normal or sick to engage in such behavior? Those who participate in BDSM are surprisingly well-adjusted according to a 2006 study. Here researchers tested those in the kink community for psychological disorders. They found that BDSM practitioners had lower levels of PTSD, anxiety, depression, borderline pathology, psychological masochism and paranoia. They were found just as prone to obsessive-compulsive disorder, narcissism and dissociation as their “vanilla sex” counterparts. Those who enjoyed BDSM had positive personality traits, according to a 2013 study. They were more conscientious, extraverted, open to new experiences and had a higher sense of wellbeing. Kink lovers were also less sensitive to rejection and were less neurotic than the straight laced. There was one negative. Those who engaged in BDSM were found less agreeable than their non-practicing counterparts. Certainly, normal healthy people engage in BDSM with no short-term or permanent damage. In fact, it can be an enjoyable, zesty enterprise if you are open to it. One of the central themes is non-judgment which many people find freeing. Others say it gets you out of your head, which leaves worries and cares behind, relaxing you. There has even been talk about parallels between BDSM and tantric sexual practices.

So what do BDSM practitioners actually do? Effects are more psychological than physical. One person is generally the dominant character or the “top” and the other plays the submissive role or the “bottom.” This can fit the person’s natural assertive or submissive nature, or express their latent desire to be assertive or submissive. There is also the rare switch, the person who can play both roles. Practitioners take part in elaborate role plays which include elements that both parties are interested in. Bondage can include tying someone up with rope, chains or handcuffs. Sadism can include whipping, caning, spanking, using nipple clamps and much more. Humiliation is also a part of it, things such as name calling, blindfolding and gagging. Couples have to be very comfortable with one another and communicate well to engage in this kind of play. They should also have a safety word which if either one utters, stops play immediately. This is when one party feels uncomfortable and the level of play is getting close to crossing their boundaries. Be sure to study up and learn more before engaging. Bondage rope for instance should be tied loosely as not to cut off circulation. And believe it or not, there is a proper way to spank someone. If you are interested in learning more, check out the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), look for community organizations in your area, or pick up a copy of Jay Wiseman’s SM 101: A Realistic Introduction.