Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

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Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

Congratulations on getting married! It’s such an exciting time, the beginning of a marriage when you two have made that great commitment before friends and family, sealed the deal with an incredible reception and hopefully a honeymoon that will make anyone jealous. But what about after that? Sure a long term commitment is a big deal. But a marriage is an even bigger one. You should start with accommodating one another and showing your appreciation for the other person, especially at this early stage of the game. Here are some little changes you can make when you become a wife to show your husband how devoted to him you are, and how much you care.

It’s not necessary of course but it will be a great way to set the tone in your marriage, and let him know how you feel. One thing you can do is update your relationship status on Facebook. It’s a great way to show him, and everyone you know how happy you are and secure that your marriage will last. It will also send exes and others who have shown interest that you are indeed off the market.  Next, when an invitation or event comes up, make sure to do your new husband the courtesy of checking with him. This is especially important if you want him to return the favor. Setting the tone is important. And what one person does in a marriage is often mirrored by the other. Courtesy is returned with courtesy, and inconsiderate moves are also returned in kind.

Eat dinner together when you can. It’s a great way to reconnect after a long day. Studies have shown that families who eat together are far more healthy and well-adjusted. And your husband is your family now, right? To your friends, as soon as you get married they start to think you aren’t fun anymore. Don’t spend all your time with your husband. Have a girl’s night out every once in a while. Go for drinks or coffee with friends. Enjoy spending time together. Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you should be attached at the hip. In fact, couples who spend some time apart with their own friends and pursuing their own hobbies are far healthier and happier than those who spend every waking minute together. When you stop on the way home for a little treat, like a cupcake at that place you’ve been itching to try, bring him home one too. It will make him so happy. It’s such a small, easy gesture that will mean a lot to him.

Tell people that you’re married. Don’t do it when it doesn’t fit into the conversation that you’re having. But when appropriate let others at parties, work related events and so on know. When you’re a girlfriend it’s polite to let it come up. But when you’re married, it makes a man proud to know that you are announcing it proudly and staving off potential rivals, instead of hiding it because you want the flutter you feel when someone finds you attractive. It’s important to set the tone early. It’s not just a new phase of the same relationship, a marriage shows that something has changed. You’ve made a broad and deep commitment to one another. Show him the advantages he gets for making you his wife. Show him your love and appreciation. He’ll return the favor. For more advice read, Wife School: Where Women Learn the Secrets of Making Husbands Happy by Julie N. Gordon.

Are you Just a Toy?

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Are you Just a Toy?

Mutual respect is the baseline for any healthy relationship. Without mutual respect it cannot take root. Sometimes when we are looking for someone not just to date but to get involved with, it can be hard to determine what their intentions are. Do they want a relationship? Or are you just a toy to them, someone to enjoy and cast off when they get bored? There are specific warning signs to look for so you don’t waste your time with the narcissistic, the callous, the diabolical or the fearful of commitment types, and instead focus in on what you are really after. No one wants to be cruelly tossed aside like yesterday’s plaything. Take a look at these indicators and make sure to steer clear of anyone who is displaying them.

Do you make dates for the near future? Or does the person you’re involved with only contact you at night? If you are only getting calls and texts as a late night thing, or dates are planned on the fly, this person isn’t really serious about you. How often are you contacted when this person is inebriated? If you are their common drunk dial, they may only be feeling it for you when they imbibe, not a good sign. What is the cuddling situation like? Even the meanest, most cold hearted or strangest person will cuddle if they like you. Not wanting to cuddle is a sure sign they want to keep a distance from you emotionally.

Does this person reach out to you when they are feeling insecure? Is cuddling okay when they’ve run into an ex and need validation? You could just be an occasional ego booster, with no real potential for a future commitment. Does this person go out of their way to see you? If you’re the one doing all the calling, the date planning, and driving over to their place just to see them, and you aren’t getting any of this in return you are probably just a toy. When invited to a special event by this person, do you get a special invitation, or are you just part of the big, impersonal invite? If they really cared about you they would go out of their way to show you they wanted you there.

How are you greeted when you see them? Do you get a big kiss, even on the cheek? Do you get a hug? Or only a head nod? If it’s just the nod, this person really isn’t into you. Test them and stop calling. See if they call you. Make them make the effort to plan a date in advance, or go out of their way to come see you. If they don’t do it, or make a big deal about it, you know you aren’t important or worth it to them. And if you’re looking for a long term relationship you know now that this isn’t working for you, and you need to move on. For more advice read, You Can Do Better: How to Improve Your Self-Esteem, Stop Dating the Wrong Men and Start Living the Life you Deserve by Ash Green.

What your Husband’s Friends think about your Marriage

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Long ago a famous Irish poet proposed the concept that it would be a gift to know exactly how other people see us. Nowhere is this truer than in marriage. Director of Wasatch Family Therapy Julie Hanks, LCSW, BCD puts it this way, “People outside your marriage can often see blind spots we can’t see.” You probably already know all about how your friends view things. But guys are generally more tight-lipped. It would be to your great benefit to know what your husband’s friends think about your marriage. Obviously one way to do so would be to come straight out and ask them. Of course this would be done aside. You have to be at a certain comfort level with a guy to get his honest opinion. Still, he may sugarcoat things to put you at ease. A recent survey by Woman’s Day magazine gave some insight on how a guy’s friends perceive things. Take a look and see if these fit your situation. One of the first issues addressed is the thought that the wife is overly judgmental of his friends. Eye rolling at old stories for instance can send the message that you think you are above them and the good times they experienced in the olden days. You don’t have to like each and every one of his friends. But instead of setting up a conflict dynamic, why not become part of the gang?

Some of your husband’s friends wish you’d spend more time with them. That means they like you. So when they call, take the time to have a short little chat. Invite them out places. Of course you and your husband should have some alone time. But why not have a dinner party and invite his friends and their wives or girlfriends? A husband’s friends hate it when she calls or texts constantly on guy’s night out. Even if the children are driving you crazy and stressing you out, it makes it look as though you don’t trust him. Avoid this unless there’s an emergency. If you want to relieve your stress at this time, why not call one of your friends or a family member that you are close to? You don’t want to come off as distrustful or needy. Don’t let your husband do this to you during girl’s night out either. Guys hate it when a wife dismisses, diminishes or belittles her husband. She’s there to support him not bring him down. When an emergency is engineered forcing him to cancel plans with his friends, resentment both from the husband and from his clique surfaces. Instead, why not make plans for another evening or weekend day for a date night or something like that? If you make him count every penny, yet go on shopping sprees, his friends will notice. Some men get uncomfortable if their friend’s wife is too flirty. Make sure you don’t take it into discomfort territory, but it’s okay to be friendly. If you are always checking over your husband’s shoulder, his friends worry about him. Finally, if you’ve made him a better man, loved, nurtured and supported him they will notice and thank you. For more advice on how to make your husband happy and impress his friends, read For Better or for Best by Gary Smalley.

New App Sends Daily Matches to you

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What goes better with your morning coffee than a bagel? How about an app that helps you find your perfect match? Enter Coffee Meets Bagel, an online dating website and IOS app that is changing how internet dating is done. This service is a marriage between traditional dating service websites and newer, more laid back dating apps. Co-founder Dawoon Kang said of their approach, “We want to deliver you a very good-quality match, one that you would expect from subscription services, but with the fun of mobile apps.” The site went live in New York City in 2012 and has steadily picked up steam. You sign up for the service via Facebook. Next, you add qualities about yourself such as height, age, ethnicity, religion and more. Then come 12 P.M. every day, one match or “bagel” is sent to you. Utilizing Facebook, this match has some connection to you, a friend of a friend or some other such association. Then you have to decide whether you will “like” this person or “pass.” You don’t have all day however. A time limit is set for you to decide. If you do decide to like the person, you are put in touch through a texting line provided by the company so that your number can still remain anonymous should things not work out.

The once per-day approach is to keep users interested without making them overwhelmed as they might feel when surfing traditional dating sites that contain enormous profile lists. There is a game-like quality to Coffee Meets Bagel as well. You can earn “coffee beans” for such actions as putting in your information, sending invitations to friends and other such activities. These beans can then be utilized to unlock special features. For 65 beans for example you can find what friends you and your match have in common. For 265 you can retrieve a match you initially passed on. For 500 beans you receive your ranking and score. The website also offers their own line of coffee beans marketed to users, though only three to five percent take advantage of this offer. Coffee Meets Bagel also has arrangements with local businesses in cities like Boston and New York, distributing freebies to those who met on the site who are on their first date. Besides these two cities, Coffee Meets Bagel is available in Washington D.C., San Francisco, Los Angeles and Chicago. The site has expanded mainly through word-of-mouth. So far the website and app has made over 1.5 million matches, while 70% of users check this app on a daily basis. For more guidance on how to use the Coffee Meets Bagel app, read the advice of Patrick King in his book, The Coffee Meets Bagel Handbook.

What to Know about Dating a Jamaican Man

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Whether you know a Jamaican man in your own country, or you are on vacation and are interested in dating a Jamaican man, the culture is a bit different than that of the U.S. The stereotype is that Jamaican men are controlling, womanizing, and disrespectful of women. The truth is they are like any other group of people. Some Jamaican men don’t treat their women well. Others treat them like queens. We cannot stereotype or generalize, but the culture can be a little bit different. Study the culture if you are seriously interested in someone of the Jamaican persuasion. Here are some things to get you started. If you are going out for a date, or hanging at home, realize that they don’t have the same fast food culture that we in the U.S. do. In fact, Jamaicans eat lots of fresh food prepared at home. Fast food may be okay once in a while, but of course it isn’t healthy so he won’t appreciate eating it all the time. So instead, why not prepare something at home, go to a healthier restaurant, or perhaps ask him to make one of his favorite dishes? And what makes a better date than cooking together? Jamaicans are said to have a number of jobs at one time. The truth is that Jamaicans have a strong work ethic. So don’t be afraid to ask him what he does. It will probably make for interesting conversation.

Jamaicans are very family oriented. In American society, being taken to meet a man’s family means that he’s serious about you. In Jamaican culture, not so much. Very often someone in the family is throwing a party. If they are aware of you they will invite you. But that doesn’t mean, should he be seeing someone else, that he won’t bring her to the next family party. So don’t take an invite or a point where you meet his family as too big of a sign. Also, Jamaican men often take what their mothers say to heart. Understand that her opinion in his life in general, and of you specifically, may carry more weight than an American man’s. If you are a bit prudish, dating a Jamaican may not be for you. In American culture, talking about sex is done behind closed doors, never in front of the family. In Jamaican culture the attitude about sex is much more laid back, and may even be discussed in front of the family. Understand this and don’t be too embarrassed if you find yourself in the middle of some awkward, funny, and interesting conversations. Machismo and masculinity is very essential to the Jamaican lifestyle. If you have any gay friends, realize that your Jamaican interest may be homophobic. Talk to him about it before you bring your gay friends around. Lastly, Jamaican men are thought to be smooth. Don’t get too caught up in his accent or the way he can put sentences together to charm and sway you. You can learn more about dating Jamaican men through the advice of Empress Yuajah in her book, How to Date a Jamaican Man: How to Love and Understand a Jamaican Man.