Some people are lone wolves. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it can feel like a life filled with freedom. But most of us are searching around for our other half. After a bad relationship, being single can feel liberating. But for most of us, there are certain instances where being single can make you feel lonely too. Times like getting a table for one at a restaurant, going on vacation by yourself, going to a wedding without a date, or sitting in a movie theater before the film starts, while happy, contented couples are yapping away. You begin to wonder why a great person like you could possibly be single. After a while a dry spell, or dating lots of people but where nobody stands out, can get tiresome. So if you are in the doldrums of love, what’s the deal? How do you get the squalls of passion bellowing through your life once again? Why are you still single? It could one of several reasons. Some people have opened up and gotten hurt in the past. They carry that around with them and it weighs them down. At other times, their last relationship left a negative residue on them that they can’t seem to rub off. Whatever the case, some daters are defensive. But by being this way you are repelling worthwhile candidates. Try to let go of bitterness. Find your fun, flirty self once again. Take a personal journey inward and let out your inner child come out to play. If you can bring out your fun side, you will be radiating positive energy and the right people will be drawn to you.
Next, think about the type of person you are attracted to. Are they good for you? Are these healthy relationships you have been having? Some people are attracted to the wrong type. They like the bad boy or bad girl, and think they can change him or her. It usually takes only a few times to find out the only person you can truly change is yourself. There are those who have a nurturing aspect to their personality. They are givers. They give and give and get upset when their partner cannot return as much as they put out. These givers need takers. But in a relationship both parties have to try and meet one another somewhere near the middle. One person has to learn how to give, the other to receive. For many their partner’s efforts are never enough. This could be true, or it could be a case of unrealistic expectations. Each should be recognized for his or her own capacities. In fact, one of the greatest parts of true, unadulterated love is being able to see another person for how they truly are, recognizing them faults and all, and accepting and love them regardless. But you have to find someone whose faults you can come to terms with and vice versa. That can be tricky but worth investing in.
Besides being too picky, falling into unhealthful patterns, and fearing intimacy, some people have a low self-esteem. They settle for those they really are not into, thinking that they cannot attract those they want. But these daters are always dissatisfied in their love life. The best thing to do is to learn to love yourself, work on yourself first. The most attractive people of all are those who are completely self-possessed. They are absolutely comfortable in their own skin. There are those who fear being humiliated through trying to date when they feel too old or no longer attractive. But love at any stage in life can bring with it tremendous joy. It also motivates us to be better people. We want to bridge the gap, invest in ourselves, and impress someone who has potential. But always remember that the first and most important person to love is yourself. Heal yourself. Invest in your journey. Fall in love with yourself and life all over again. If you do, your heart will glow like a beacon calling your beloved forth.
For more such advice read, If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever by Susan Page.