If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

phone

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

We are connected to so many different people, venues and organizations through our computers and mobile devices that today people are overwhelmed with options. This is true of modern day “hookup” culture where young adults, spurning marriage and family planning for the extended education it takes to get a job in today’s market, cycle through one hook up after another, for fear of missing out on an amazing experience with someone new. But the problem is that they are never in a relationship long enough to form any kind of intimacy. Studies have shown that millennials are more frustrated and emotionally unfulfilled than previous generations. People of all ages now serially date. They cycle through one person they met online after another, fearing that they are missing out on “the one.” But with so many options, their standards skyrocket. The result? They are too picky and judgmental. They gloss over each date, never really piercing the surface and getting to know the real person deep down inside. Instead, they usually find a superficial reason to rule the person out and move on. So they may have found “the one” without even giving “the one” a chance.

Fear of missing out (FOMO) is now something of a massive psychological condition brought on by mobile devices carrying the internet. People veer to their Twitter while at work, diminishing their concentration on an important task. They check their LinkedIn while with friends, their Facebook while on a date, they even put their own lives at risk and the lives of others by texting or checking email while driving. Lots and lots of people around the world do this. And when confronted with how wrong that is, they just shrug.

Our fear of missing out has us glossing over what is really important in life, and that’s being there, being in the moment, savoring it and enjoying it. Alone Together by Sherry Turkle has a chapter on this phenomenon and The New York Times covered FOMO in an article by Jenna Wortham. There are singles who go on Facebook and feel bad when they see how happy their married or attached friends are. There are teens who lose sleep and are distracted from their studies constantly checking their social media to see who broke up with who, who is dating who and so on. The truth is, this is an impulse control problem. FOMO makes us hyper vigilant, always seeking for something better for ourselves. Most of the time, however, there isn’t anything on there that’s so important it should interrupt the real, offline life in front of you.

Being constantly distracted is no way to live life. Being constantly unsatisfied isn’t a great way to manage a love life either. Instead, limit your use of social media. Only check it at certain times of the day and stick to your schedule. When you feel the itch to check, notice something in your immediate environment that makes you feel satisfied: a warm smile, a delicious cup of coffee, a beautiful scarlet picture frame with a photo of someone you love. Savor the real world with all of your senses and you’ll soon see that social media just can’t compare.

Things Women Should Understand About Men

YOUNG-COUPLE-LOOKING-UPSET

Things Women Should Understand About Men

Women are very beautiful, mysterious, complex creatures. It is their very complexity and mystery that at one time makes them so alluring and at another infuriating. Men however, though they can be complex, by and large aren’t as difficult or enigmatic. But still there are a few things many women should understand about men that often they don’t, and so cause static in their relationship.

For instance, do not look through his internet search history. Women often overthink their counterparts and then get into a tizzy when the answer is really simple. Trust that he’s a good guy deep down. But if you start to see what’s on his computer, you may be confused at what you might find. There may be something on there he searched on a whim or a dare, and you think it’s what his secret fetish is. Instead, if you are dating him, trust him and respect his privacy. Everyone deserves a little space. It will actually help the relationship to flourish. Know that you can’t change him. If you have your heart set on building the perfect man, start studying robotics. It isn’t going to happen in real life. One thing about robots though, they’re cold hearted. So find out what you can live with and learn to love the shortcomings in your man, and expect him to love your idiosyncrasies. If your man’s eyes wonder for a second, realize it’s not you or him, it’s mere biology. If his eyes linger for a while, then you may have a problem.

Don’t make him choose you over his friends. That’s an unfair position to put him in. He’ll pick his friends because they have a history and in spite of the imbalanced situation you put him in. Don’t allow anyone to come between you and your friends or family. Learn to forgive. Women will often bring up things from previous fights, even when it was years ago and they’ve said they’ve forgiven. But when they bring it up he knows automatically that she hasn’t forgiven or forgotten. It makes him ten times madder. Don’t bring up issues that are from the past when you said you had forgiven. When you do forgive, do it with your entire being, from the heart. That’s how men often do it. If you ask a question you’d better be ready for the answer. If you fear what that answer is, perhaps find out why you are asking. Why do you want to know?

Everyone has a history and no one should have that history used against them. Love is understanding and forgiveness in its essence, and without those what relationship can last? If you want to have a harmonious home life don’t overwhelm him as soon as he comes in the house. Let him cool down a little and then bring something up. Make him feel useful once in a while. Of course he wants you to be independent. But just like you he also wants to feel needed and important. He can see when you don’t wear the jewelry he bought you. So don’t tell him you love it and put it away forever. He wants you to seduce him, at least once in a while. Men feel insecure and need to be validated too. With these in hand your guy will be ga-ga every time you walk in the door. To learn more read the book, Understand Your Man: Secrets of the Male Temperament by Tim LaHaye.

When Using Dating Apps look out for Scammers

TINDER-DATING-APP

When Using Dating Apps look out for Scammers

Only two years ago did steamy, hookup app Tinder hit smart phones across the nation. Today, they claim one billion matches among users. But not everyone on the app is who their profile says. 21 year old Kristin Shotwell, a junior at the University of North Carolina, was one day approached by a friend who showed her a profile, using her picture, of some girl named “Kim.” It said Shotwell was on the University of Georgia in Athens, when in fact she was on her own campus. Her friend texted her a screenshot of the Tinder profile. Shotwell told NBC News, “That is when it hit home, when I saw my face on a bio that had nothing to do with me.” Of course con artists have used love as a ploy forever. But dating apps are making scams much easier to pull off.  All a computer savvy con artist has to do is piece together a profile from information found on the internet, a photo here, a little information there and viola. For Shotwell, the profile and other photos were acquired from her Facebook page. But she says she made all of her photos private. The Internet Crime Complaint Center follows such crimes. The multi-agency entity says since 2012, dating app and website scams have cost Americans $55 million.

Though relatively new, Tinder boasts 10 million users. It has been so popular, corporate giant IAC recently bought more stock in the company. It is already a majority holder. Yet it felt the need to acquire another 10% to the tune of $500 million. Still, though popular, it may be a playground for charlatans. At this point, there is no way of knowing. It’s too new to have any statistics, yet. Security response manager Satnam Narang, from internet security giant Symantec told NBC News, “Because there are so many people using the app, it’s a ripe target for scammers.” Tinder matches you up with other users. You can select either to accept or reject them. But if a swim suit model or a shirtless man with a six pack responds very excitedly to your acceptance, you could be up against a bot. Bots are software that can give canned responses to questions. Some are easy to notice. They aren’t the best conversationalists. Ask something simple or even out of the ordinary and you are liable to foul them up. Still, every once in a while one slips under the radar. NTT Com Security consultant Chris Camejo said, “People are suckers when it comes to relationships. Show a guy a picture of a pretty girl and he will do pretty much anything.”

Many security experts agree. There are usually two types of scams you can run on a dating website. The first one is as mentioned, using bots. This is a low-quality, less time consuming, but high volume method. These scams are designed to deliver malware. Some also get users to adult websites. There are users on Tinder have reported, for instance, that after accepting a fake profile, they were brought to a game called “Castle Cash.” But Tinder in an email to NBC News said they were “aware of the accounts in question and are taking the necessary steps to remove them.” The other strategy is to have a fake profile, make contact and work a person, in order to get access to their money. This is analogous to the old swindle where a supposed U.S. serviceman, who after exchanging letters for some time, asks for a loan to buy a plane ticket, in order to meet in person. But once they receive the money, they never show up. Though Tinder has not had this kind of thing happen yet, other sites have. FBI Special Agent Darrell Foxworth in an interview on NBC said that these scams come from all over the world. Two Colorado women recently bilked 384 online daters out of $1 million, all told. Foxworth said that for the victims, “The emotions that they display range from anger to severe sadness and depression, and often times they criticize themselves for being duped out of their money.” He added, “It’s crushing emotionally and it can be crushing to them financially. It takes a toll.” Some aren’t outright financial cons, but instead mere hijinks. The scammer may be angry, lonely or just plain bored. Of course, it is important to be on your guard when using these sites. Most people are honest. But if you just get tripped up by a false profile, laugh it off. If they ask you for money get rid of them immediately, and report it if you can. For more on this subject read, How to Avoid On-line Dating Scams by Mitch Conway.

Creative Ways to Get Over a Breakup

relationship-breakup

Creative Ways to Get Over a Breakup

How do you handle a breakup? Is it a night of drinking and trash talking with your best friends? Are you more of a weeklong cry fest in pajamas, a case of ice cream and every romantic movie you can get your hands on type? Perhaps you go to an ashram in India, a cross country road trip with your best friend, or go hiking up the Appalachian Trail or spend the weekend curled up in a rebound relationship. Those are pretty conventional ways to deal with a breakup. A couple perhaps not completely conventional though not out of the question either. But thanks to the amazing power of the internet, the creativity of people, and the sheer force that drives those around the country and the globe to seek their fifteen minutes of fame, here we have creative ways to get over a breakup. These were contributed on the social media site Reddit. First there is what is called the “Big girl breakup kit.” This is apparently chocolate, a package of tissues, alcohol, glitter, a pack of cigarettes and a soda. Next we have the guy who buys a whole red net filled with oranges at the supermarket. He writes his ex’s name on each one then smashes them one by one. Psychologists wonder if this is a healthy way to release what he’s feeling inside. One also wonders what she did to him that made him so angry.

One girl said she would spend the evening with her two loves, that being her cat and a big box of chocolates. Another girl with lighter in hand, sets fire to a teddy bear she said she never liked anyway. Yellow flames leap from the giant teddy’s legs and chest and the smiling imp is at that moment lighting it’s forehead on fire as a pink heart that says “mine” sits limply slung across its neck. One woman upset about her breakup found a surprise at her local restaurant. When she got her takeout container a special cartoon was drawn for her on the lid. In the top corner a smiling little girl holds up a sign that says, “You’re worth it!” in the bottom corner a sun illuminates the words, “You don’t need him to be happy.” The point is that you never know what you’ll need or what you’ll find out about those around you in normal circumstances that you would during a breakup. It’s when things are bleakest that the brightest rays of sunlight break in. Find ways that are meaningful to you, that don’t harm anyone to heal your bruised psyche and get over your breakup. Besides being diagnosed with a serious health issue or losing someone you love, it really is one of life’s most painful experiences. But in hindsight it’s through these experiences that we become stronger, tougher, smarter, more humble and far more capable people. It also gives us a chance to start anew, a chance to find our real love who is still out there, waiting for us. For more advice, read Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing that Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott.