What’s the Best Way to Breakup with a Hookup?

hookup

What’s the Best Way to Breakup with a Hookup?

Whether you are dating again after a divorce, staving off marriage, are too busy for a serious relationship or believe monogamy is antiquated system with no place in the modern world, you are immersed in the exciting albeit confusing, hookup culture.  And anyone who has spent any amount of time in it comes to a point where they have to break up with someone that they aren’t actually dating. The whole experience can feel like a double edged sword. You didn’t get the benefits of a relationship exactly but you still have to go through the worst part. Some people try to hint around as if they are all-of-a-sudden completely unavailable. But lots of people, of both genders, fail to take the hint. Of course, you may ask what the best way to breakup with a hookup is, but it all comes down to who you both are and how you relate. Do you do normal couple things but are still in the incubator stage of your relationship? Or is this a drunk dial booty call on a Friday night? Just as the punishment should fit the crime, the type of non-relationship you share with this person should determine the way you break up with them.

If you shared meals, hung out in bars or spent a significant amount of time together, this person is owed a face-to-face breakup. Just be honest with them. Sit them down and let them know that you want a plutonic relationship and still want to remain friends. If you aren’t feeling it anymore, say so. When you act like a couple the lines between hookup and relationship tend to blur. You’ll want to clear things up in a way that leaves no room for confusion. If this is the drunk hookup, let them know that it’s been fun but you just want to be friends from here on out. If you really aren’t attached a phone call might suffice, if it’s just a case of text and grind. Then there are those times where you just went out on one date and you are 100% sure the chemistry isn’t there and never will be. Just tell them so. Here perhaps over the phone might be alright as well. If you two have been hanging out a long time, or worse yet were at one time thick as thieves, this is the serious, sit-down breakup.  Perhaps they said or did something that soured you. Maybe you met someone else who flips your switch and lights you up like Las Vegas, or things just coasted into boringsville fast. Whatever the case, you have to sit this person down in a quiet, comfortable setting and explain why. Don’t let it feel like you are stomping on their heart. But they do deserve the truth. If you think they’ll make a scene, do it in a public place like a restaurant or coffee house.

Do go out of your way to let them down gently. Don’t gossip with your friends. Word does get around and then how will you look when it reaches your former hookup? If you are dropping this person, drop them. If you drunk dial them a week later and get it on, you’ll be in the same situation all over again. Erase them from your phone and email. Maybe keep them on your social media pages or else your actions may seem hurtful. Resist the urge of calling them and starting the cycle all over again, or don’t break up with them at all. Don’t dwell on the situation. Learn from this experience and integrate it into your future pursuits. Certainly even the most short-lived relationships can leave you with a good memory. Sometimes it helps to close with that memory and how you’ll cherish it. It leaves both of you feeling good. For more on traversing the harrowing landscape of love read, Sex at First Sight: Understanding the Modern Hookup by Richard E. Simmons III.

Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

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Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

It can be awkward when a male friend hits on you. You hate to reject them because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or hurt your standing within your social circle. On the other hand, you don’t have any interest, or chemistry, so there’s no point in leading him on. It’ll just get worse down the line. How do you let them down gently, yet firmly enough so they won’t try again? Here are some ways to get a male friend to stop hitting on you. First, put a little space between you and him.

Cut out the smiles. Sometimes being friendly can be interpreted as flirty. Some guys see what they want. But don’t give him any ammunition. Why not introduce him to other, available women who might be interested in him? Perhaps he’s just in a dry streak and needs to meet someone new. Go through your rolodex or your phone. Check out your friends on Facebook. Be his matchmaker. When you go out, make it a mission to point out women who might be interested in him. You can kill two birds with one stone that way. Approach other women and tell them he thinks their cute and wants to say hello. Get him to buy women a drink at the bar.

If you want to turn him away, talk about other guys in front of him. The guy you’re dating, the guy at work you think is cute, your crush. It will turn him off and dampen his desire. When you get a text, pretend it’s a flirty or steamy one from the guy you are interested in. He may think the deal has been sealed and move on. Tell a story to him where a female friend of yours is being hit on by a guy who is her friend, and sound disgusted by it. See how he feels about that. Don’t hang out with him one-on-one. Instead, cancel when it occurs that way. Make up an excuse if you have to. Or invite others along to give you a cushion.

Don’t drive with him. Definitely don’t be alone in the car with him if you can help it. If you have to go in his car, bring another friend along and sit in the back seat. That sends a pretty clear message without being offensive. Be a little cold and distant if none of this works. He will back away from you. Once he gets the hint, he’ll stop hitting on you. He’ll understand borders. That awkwardness will fade. And hanging out with your friends will be fun again and carefree. For more advice read, The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman, Ph.D.

Getting your Way Too Sensitive Boyfriend to Break Up with you

breaking-up

Getting your Way Too Sensitive Boyfriend to Break Up with you

Are you over a guy who is far too sensitive but you don’t know how to break it off? If he’s devastated by little annoyances, how will he feel when you tell him it’s over? You could just tear off the Band-Aid once and for all. But he may come crawling back, talk about how insensitive you are, refuse to accept that it’s over, even grovel and want you back. The following process should only be taken up if you have no other choice. It could backfire, leave you looking bad, or end up hurting them. It’s pretty extreme. A face-to-face direct breakup is always best. But if you’ve tried before and have always taken him back or you know that he won’t take it to heart and will keep badgering you, this method should do the trick.

You can begin by acting more selfishly. When he tells you how bad his day was, top it. Interrupt him when he has big news of something you need to tell him first. Make sure each conversation ends up revolving around you. Next, deprive him of the sympathy he’s looking for. Just say that whatever it is is a downer and move directly on.  Refuse to be a shoulder for him to cry on. When he does hug you don’t give him a hug back, just a cold tapping until he stops. Don’t talk about anything he is upset about, or let him draw you in.

When he says he loves you, don’t say it back. If he brings it up, avoid the subject. If he makes a big deal just say it under your breath, or unintelligibly. Get very annoyed, irritable and moody. Increase this more and more. Let him know you aren’t mad at him. In fact, you want more space to avoid snapping at him for no reason.  Don’t give him any affection. Accept it coldly and don’t reciprocate or initiate affection. When he tries to hold your hand, tell him you hurt it and pull it away. Don’t make conversation with him. When he initiates conversations just give him one word answers. Spend as much time away from him as you can. Delve into work or school. Be super busy. Then at night tell him you are exhausted from your tough day at work or school and need to go straight to bed. No time to talk, sorry. Soon, he’ll be ready to break up with you.

Just hear him out. If he talks about your cold and distant behavior, tell him you don’t have an explanation for it, it’s just how you feel. Don’t hug or do the one last kiss thing. Try to move on if you don’t want him creeping around. Either that, or make some time for yourself where he isn’t allowed to check in or sidle up to you. This is a really good method in getting your way too sensitive boyfriend to break up with you. It may take a little more time than you assume, depending upon how sensitive he is. But in the end, if a face-to-face breakup is out, it should prove effective. For more advice read, How to Break Up With Him: Expectations and Important Things to Consider by Amor Andruzzi.

Convincing a Relative to Leave an Abusive Spouse

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Convincing a Relative to Leave an Abusive Spouse

It’s horrible when you find out a relative of yours is in an abusive marriage or relationship. You can feel so helpless. On the one hand, you want to say something so badly. On the other, you are afraid that they will resent you for trying to break them up, or merely swear nothing is wrong and distance themselves from you. This is a delicate matter which must be approached correctly, and with finesse. One way to handle it is to get them alone. Talk to them about your own relationship. If you are single, talk about your parents, a sibling, anyone else’s relationship. Talk about positive things that their spouse or significant other did for that person, or how they handle fights by communicating so well.

Get them to open up about their relationship. With enough details they should start to compare and come to the conclusion that something isn’t right. Don’t push and don’t expect that they will come to this conclusion the first time. Instead, keep trying to drop subtle hints without coming right out and saying it. If this doesn’t work, you may have to have an intervention. The problem with this kind of relationship is that the spouse is so manipulative they make them think that the spouse needs them and eventually that they cannot live without the spouse.

Be careful as his or her behavior may not be counted on. They may lash out at you at times, get depressed, even miss the spouse who is abusing them. Be patient with your relative. Remind them why this is happening. Get them away from it all to a place where they can relax and have fun. Give them chances to show what they know and help them to build self-esteem. In many abusive relationships, one spouse beats down the other for so long, that they can feel worthless. Give them little goals and celebrate it when they reach them. Give them space if they need it. But let them know that you will be there for them, no matter what.

In terms of safety, get your relative to a safe place like a battered woman’s shelter, or to live with you or another relative without contact with the abusive spouse. If need be, have them contact the authorities. Make sure that they get the help that they need. Your relative should start therapy if and when they are ready. The town or city can direct you to free services in your area.  Take heart, your relative will get through this. They will thank you and will be so grateful that they had you and other good people to get them through this difficult time. And someday they will meet someone who treats them right. If you’re trapped in an abusive relationship read, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel.

How to tell your Husband You’re Pregnant

Pregnancy-Announcement

How to tell your Husband You’re Pregnant

You two have been looking forward to becoming parents, and growing your special love by bringing a unique being, made by the two of you into this world. You can’t just nonchalantly blurt the news over the breakfast table. This calls for a special touch. You want to make a real impact to celebrate the good news but you just don’t know how to do it. How do you tell your husband you’re pregnant in a beautiful way? There are plenty of ways to do it in a creative way that doesn’t cost a lot. The trick is to tailor it to him. If your husband is a sports fan get his favorite team in baby clothes. Wrap it up and give it to him. He won’t soon forget that. What if you’ve got a handyman? Buy a new tool box, but instead of tools fill it with a pacifier, diapers, baby powder, some toys and a bib. If you want to surprise him first thing in the morning write on the mirror in a dry-erase marker in the bathroom the night before, “Coming Soon, Baby!” He’ll surely get a nice surprise when he goes in there in the morning. Want to keep him on his toes? Why not slip a pair of baby shoes into his shoes? He’ll get the drift. And it will be funny to see him figure it out.

Do you cook dinner at home? If so, why not set a table for three? Place a small plate, a sipping cup or bottle, a tiny fork and so on in a third place at the table. See how long it takes him to get what’s going on. His reaction will be priceless. Next, if he’s the type that’s helpful and doesn’t get bent out of shape about moving the furniture, tell him you are redoing the bedroom. Draw up a plan for where things will go. Let him know where the bed, the dressers and night tables and everything else will go, including the crib. Wait for it. If he doesn’t get it right away keep the joke going until it dawns on him. Here’s a novel idea; purchase two ceramic plates and a paint marker. This is also called a ceramic marker. You can buy these at your local craft store. Write a special message concerning your pregnancy on the plate and then bake it in the oven so it sets. All the instructions should be on the paint marker.  Ask at the craft store if you have any further questions. Next, make dinner. Ask him to do the dishes and see how he reacts when he sees his plate. There are lots of easy and fun ways to tell your husband you’re pregnant. And why not start things off with a great story? If your husband isn’t camera shy, you could have a hidden camera and film the whole thing too. You can even show the child when they’re old enough. For more ideas read, 103 Creative Ways to Announce Your Pregnancy! By Trina Boice.