Show you care no Matter What Day it is

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Show you care no Matter What Day it is

So Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Some people love it for a chance to cherish their loved one. Others hate the commercial Hallmark holiday aspect. Still others don’t want to be reminded of being single. But the truth is that we shouldn’t need a holiday to remind us how much we love that special someone in our life. In fact, if you are only using that particular holiday to show how much you care for one another, you will soon be seeing less Valentine’s Days, at least with that particular person.

Show you care no matter what day it is. If you keep feeling and showing your gratitude toward your romantic partner in words and gestures, they will return the favor. A virtuous cycle will be created that will sustain and enrich your love and relationship for as long as the two of you keep it up. Here are some ways to display the tempest of passion that lies deep in your heart. If your lover works in the service industry, whether a barista, a waiter or waitress, or tending bar, go in, flirt with them and leave a little tip. You can’t imagine what fun this will be, especially if your lover’s coworkers don’t know you.

Always hold the door open no matter what sex your lover is. If you don’t cohabitate but you do run errands together, pay for their groceries, especially if they have been struggling to make ends meet. If you do cohabitate pay something extra just to say I love you. When you are out and about running errands, buy them their favorite candy, or a little toy that reminds you of them. For an added bonus hide it somewhere in the house and let them find it unexpectedly. Whenever you notice a change in clothes or hairstyle, notice it and comment on it. Ladies, guys like it when you notice and compliment too. It’s not just for women. Call your sweetie at lunch or in the middle of the day just to see how their day is going. Tell them you couldn’t stop thinking about them. If the mood strikes you say something dirty, or just flirt with them. Make something for them, a knit scarf, a painting, a poem, a song, a tchotchke; make it from the heart. Something you made will always be worth more because of the talent, time and care you put into it. Make them their favorite meal, or surprise them with a dinner out on the town. There are lots of ways to show that special someone in your life how much you care. For more advice read, 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship by Clinton Power.

Things you learn in the First Six Months of Marriage

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Things you learn in the First Six Months of Marriage

Even if you dated a long time and were engaged for quite a while, when a marriage is newly minted, there’s something about signing that paper and having a ceremony and a reception that changes a relationship, and makes it far more serious. Some people wonder if they’ll be able to keep up their end of the bargain. It’s hard to juggle a life nowadays with work, family life and married life, not to mention exercise, household chores and hobbies. What needs to be discussed early on in the marriage is who is going to take care of what.

Marriage is a partnership where both parties contribute equally and have a fair say. Usually one person is better at certain things while another is better at others. Why not draw up a chore list and see who is good at what? If one person is more of a morning person perhaps he or she can make breakfast, take the dog for a walk or drive their spouse to the train for that morning commute, while the night person can fix dinner, clean up and take the dog out once more. Learning to balance all the aspects of life is difficult. Some things fall into place. Others take time, good intentions and careful negotiation.

Remember that you are on each other’s side. You are both on the same team. When a relationship gets adversarial things start to go downhill. But if you work together cooperatively, things run much smoother. Say and do things that boost each other up, not hold one another down. Be there for one another. If you can help your partner at their worst you deserve them at their best. But they must be willing to do the same for you. If it isn’t a two way street, but instead it’s one person always giving and another always receiving, it won’t work.

When your spouse does something that drives you crazy, let them know in a positive manner. When you come at them in a way that puts their dander up you’ll never get the issue resolved. Instead tell them what happened and how it makes you feel. Invite them in to help with the problem and brainstorm together. Sacrifice for one another. Appreciate one another and make your marriage your own with your own little sayings, ways of doing things, rituals and inside jokes. That said, make sure you don’t spend every waking moment together. Even in the womb of marital bliss keep seeing your and their friends and make visiting both families a priority. Fight fair. Watch what you say to one another. But be patient enough to listen to what the other person means before flying off the handle. Fight fairly, forgive completely and love unconditionally. For more advice read, The Newlywed’s Instruction Manual: Essential Information, Troubleshooting Tips, and Advice for the First Year of Marriage by Caroline Tiger.

Avoid these little things that make a Lady Jealous

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Avoid these little things that make a Lady Jealous

Have you ever gotten a text from a platonic female friend and answered it too quickly, or laughed at a private joke too loudly and suddenly found yourself getting the evil eye? Lots of things guys think are innocent seem to make far more of an impact on the women they are with. Have you ever helped a girl with her math homework, killed a spider for that single mom across the hall, paid a compliment to a female friend or paid for drinks with a female colleague and made your main squeeze hot under the collar? Though it may not sound like it according to Vinita Mehta, Ph.D. a psychotherapist, “Jealousy is an emotion with a useful function. It helps preserve long-term relationships, which in turn promotes survival and reproduction. It’s technically called ‘evolutionary adaption.’” Jealousy helped our ancestors raise healthy young which in turn helped our species survive, and hard wired jealousy then into our brains. Dr. Mehta says that, “It’s a forceful emotion, which is why little things, such as a casual comment about another woman’s looks, intelligence, or personality, can make her feel threatened. And yes, if she already feels insecure about her looks and you compliment someone else’s looks, it cuts deeper.” So instead, learn how to speak womanese. It isn’t the easiest language to master. But here are some little things you can do to avoid making your lady jealous.

First don’t pay for things for other women, whether it’s an old friend or a colleague. Coffee, a cab ride or lunch can seem like a little thing to you but to your wife or girlfriend you may be setting off her wrath by triggering deep inherent forces. According to Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. a relationship expert, “Gender role orientation teaches women that, in order to survive, they need to ‘get’ a man for his resources.” Of course society has changed significantly. As Thomas puts it, “It’s irrelevant and outdated, but it’s natural, and that’s why we feel it.” It’s okay paying for something for a female friend here and there. But let your lady know why. Did something extraordinary happen? Did you and your colleague land a difficult account and you paid in celebration? Let your lover know that it isn’t a habit, just a one time or once in a while thing. Even be sure to mention if this colleague paid last time. Watch what you do on your social media sites. According to Mehta, “The online world tends to fan the jealous flames, as it were. She can unwittingly learn that you’re spending time with a ‘mating rival’ by ‘liking’ or commenting on that rival’s status.” Though it may not mean much, even if you are inadvertently liking a female friends status and commenting on it all the time, she may think you are investing in this other woman, not good. To counteract this show her how many other people’s statuses you like and comment on. You aren’t a flirt just a social butterfly.

If you make an observation about how fit the neighbor across the way is looking in a classy matter-of-fact manner it shouldn’t lead too much. But if your gal hasn’t had time to hit the gym and has gained ten pounds over Christmas, it could become a real issue. That’s because she’s feeling insecure about the very issue you are complimenting in someone else. Alicia Clark, PsyD. a psychologist says of this female phenomenon, “We’re threatened by the things we feel most vulnerable about.” Some of the items on this list for women are, “Our looks, our smarts, our attitude, our earning power—you name it, we can be sensitive about it. And what we’re sensitive about is exactly what we notice in others and feel threatened by.” The best way to avoid this one is to hold your tongue, and not compliment another woman like this in front of her. If you do get this sort of reaction however, it’s best when she’s comfortable and perhaps not defensive to find out what her insecurities are and why she feels that way. If you help strengthen how she feels about them then she won’t be so defensive, insecure and jealous and surely, she’ll be happier and a whole lot more fun to be around. Lastly, you can stick up for another woman in front of her. But if she thinks this gal is your number one you will turn from chivalrous knight to a backstabbing villain. Make sure you make her your number one and make her feel secure in your relationship and you won’t have jealousy problems, only a happy, supportive woman. For more on understanding women, read For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn.

Guys Are Drawn to the Damsel in Distress

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So many movies are the same. The lovely young maiden is trapped by the evil wretched villain. Her only hope, a knight in shining armor who swoops in to vanquish his opponent, free his lady love, sweep her up into his arms and ride off with her clutching him as the sun sets and the credits roll. But it isn’t just Hollywood that’s obsessed with the damsel in distress, guys fall for this female character, too. Many women, particularly in the West who are independent and can take care of themselves, hate this stereotypical heroine, and Hollywood and other media sources have heard and adjusted. This phenomenon still hangs on. So why are guys drawn to the damsel in distress? Mostly it’s because it makes him feel manly to be able to swoop in and save her. It makes him feel wanted, needed, important, a hero. It also makes her look feminine to him. Men throughout the ages have been traditionally the protectors and providers. Women, whether the modern feminist minded want to admit it or not, are also attracted to men who can make them feel safe and secure. Helping boosts a man’s ego. But saving a woman whom he also finds irresistible, that is a recipe for a man in love. Another thing, it’s easy to approach this woman. She needs help and he can provide it. It puts him at a superior standing.

This feeling of being a man, of doing manly things and becoming secured in one’s manliness helps to build the male ego. When he feels important, wanted, needed, and essential it feeds his ego, makes him feel manly and gives him a sense of pride that he is doing something good for a woman who deserves his services. The trick is to be a damsel in distress and at the same time not to be needy. This is easier said than done. Guys do want a woman to be independent. He wants her generally to have her own friends, career and passions in life. But he doesn’t want to feel as though she doesn’t need him at all. If you want to get closer to him but still maintain your independence, simply ask for his help in something. It could be a little matter. To fix something, ask for help in using a technical piece of equipment for instance if you are both working in the office together. The copier is always a source of consternation for any office worker. If there isn’t anything mechanical or technical around, ask for his advice or opinion on something. Thank him later on and let him know how much he helped. Once you’ve primed his ego in this manner he’s bound to warm to you. Remember not to use this all the time if you happen to be dating a guy or else you may come off as needy. But a little request for help now and then can pique his interest in you and let him know he’s needed and desired. For more tips on how to attract a man, read the advice of Ellen Dugan in her book, How To Enchant A Man: Spells to Bewitch, Bedazzle & Beguile.

Clingy Woman Indicators

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One of the reasons relationships end is that some women try to hurry them up too soon. When a man feels a woman coming on too strong, or she’s crossed boundaries too early in the relationship, he may back away, fearing to commit before he’s ready. But many times women are ignorant of their own neediness. There are indicators a woman is clingy. If you can recognize these signals that men pick up on and women usually don’t, you can avoid coming off as clingy. Here are some of the signs. If she only wants to be with her guy and wants his undivided attention all the time, she is perceived as too clingy. It’s okay to be into each other in the beginning, but guys want to see their friends, too. They want to go to parties, and be social on occasion. But if she can’t mingle or make small talk on her own, feels uncomfortable in social situations, and is glued to his side the whole time or constantly vying for his attention, she is considered too clingy. Some women are OCD, A-plus personalities. But if a woman a guy just started dating starts to organize his apartment, his junk drawer, buys him clothes, and tells him how to dress, gets him appliances and so on, red flags go up in his mind. It seems as though she is nesting or trying to control his life way too soon in the relationship. And even though she thinks she is helping him immensely, he’ll begin to pull away from her, thinking he is dodging a girl who is way too controlling.

Sometimes the best intentions fall flat. When a woman does too much for a man too soon in a relationship, it can be misinterpreted as coming on too strong. For instance, if he is sick she brings over a cabinet full of medicine, an entire pot of homemade chicken soup she spent half the day making, or you need to move and she brings an entire brigade of her friends over, this could be considered coming on way too strong early on in the relationship. It’s great for a woman to show that she is resourceful, invested, and will go the distance for her guy. But too early means that she has direct intentions when he doesn’t know if he’s ready. Instead, help but in a moderate way. If you are the type to go naturally over the top, ask a friend if it looks like you are doing too much and scale back. Another is when she starts spending the night, and all of a sudden it seems she’s moved in. She prepares dinner, picks up his dry cleaning, mops the floor, and never seems to go back to her place. The guy thinks that she doesn’t have a life of her own, which sets red lights flashing in his head. Moving in should come way down the line when both people are ready. Don’t just slide in their or else you may be leaving in a huff somewhere down the road. Lastly, when a woman becomes entrenched with a man’s friends or family shortly after meeting them, she’s hanging with them, has their phone numbers, has friended them on Facebook, she seems as though she’s digging in, making it hard for him to get rid of her. If you can avoid these, you can avoid seeming needy or clingy and the relationship should move forward on its own accord. For guidance on how to be more independent in your relationship, read the advice of Sherry Argov in her book, Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dream Girl- A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.