If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

Why all Relationships are Valuable

BREAKUP-STRESS

Why all Relationships are Valuable

Sometimes a relationship ends and we can’t help but feel that it was all just a huge waste of time. We invested so much in the person and the relationship and now we decry the loss of all that time and energy. It’s only natural to feel this way. But if you can take a step back and look at your love life as a continuum and a progression, you’ll see that all relationships teach us something valuable. There are lots of lessons to be learned that you can apply to your new relationships. Not only can it teach us about love, but even greater than that, a breakup is one of the most useful tools for teaching us about ourselves. Any relationship, if reflected upon in the right manner, can show you areas where you need improvement. Here are some things to think about after a relationship has ended. First, reflect on what didn’t work here. What was the crux of the issue that tore you two apart? You can use it as material for reflection so that next time you will have a better shot at making things work. Now we can see more clearly what love actually is and what it should be.

You can so easily perceive now what traits you don’t want inhabiting your relationship, things that previously you were more apt to put up with. Anger, jealousy, substance abuse, neglect, an inability to communicate and more may have been at issue. If you have one or some of these issues you can work on them. Or you can work to avoid a mate who has one or many of these. Then move to refine your search and what qualities you require in a mate. You can understand more clearly what type of behavior doesn’t work well with your personality, and what you will and will not put up with. If we look closely we notice that each new relationship entered into has certain elements that are the same. Your patterns of behavior are the same or similar or you are attracted to the same type of person. We can learn from these patterns. Nothing promotes growth better than examining our behavior in a relationship and how that behavior contributed to its end. Of course it may be ultimately the other person’s fault. But it takes two to tango. It is truly a rare breakup indeed where one person is completely at fault for everything. If you cannot isolate your own negative behaviors you are doomed to repeat them.

After a relationship ends there tends to be a change in one’s self-respect. It can be shored up or degraded depending upon the outcome and what has occurred. A relationship can show you where and how to apply your self-respect. If we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, our relationship will inevitably show us that this is a poor choice, for all involved, and the relationship in total. If you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, your self-esteem degrades, the other person’s respect falls and the balance of power is knocked off kilter. It’s important that we assert ourselves. Our relationship is one place where we establish ourselves, where we negotiate, where we speak up for ourselves, show our value and learn to discuss things and talk about our needs, hopes, dreams and desires and how to fulfill them. It you are shut up and your needs and desires are not allowed to be communicated then this relationship is not for you.

Grief is never fun. But it is one of the biggest catalysts to personal growth. Throughout our lives we continually confront the cycles of beginning and ending. With love it seems particularly painful when it ends. But this cycle is no different than the others that occur in life. Loss is to be expected at the end of any relationship, whether you were sad to see it go, or relieved. We feel deeply connected with and identify with those whom we love deeply. Some people try to pull away from grief. It’s important to let yourself grieve and not paper over your feelings or pretend like everything is okay. Instead, allow yourself to grieve in a healthy way. Find someone you are close with to talk to. Do some soul searching. Make plans. Use this experience to fuel a personal transformation.  Each loss, though painful, teaches us to love ourselves more. We become more confident, mature, knowledgeable and self-aware. Remember that a relationship is a mirror. Nothing will reflect back on you or help you to see yourself more clearly like one. When we come up with a way to overcome our obstacles, we will find ourselves in the right relationship, one that is healthy and satisfying. For more help on getting back on your feet after a breakup read, Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person by Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.

Getting Over someone You Adored

HEARTBROKEN

Getting Over someone You Adored

Sometimes you just can’t wait to get rid of someone and move on with your life. Then there are those relationships you regret ever getting into. There are the ones who sting and the ones that cut deep. But the worst of all is getting over someone you adored, someone you feel that you just can’t live without. You’d rather go without limbs, eyes and vital organs than your lover and can’t believe they’d even think of leaving you. Perhaps it’s just a passing phase, or they’ve suddenly become mentally ill. How will you go on living? The end of a relationship can consume your entire life. Some have even contemplated suicide. Whether it’s feelings of abandonment, inadequacy, guilt, misplaced anger or rejection just know that you are going to be okay. You’ll get through this. Someday you’ll wonder what is was that you saw in this person. First, it may be cliché but with time it will hurt less and less until one day you’ll be free and feeling great. Allow yourself the proper time to get over it. Don’t obsess over your ex. Instead, focus on you, how you are feeling and your healing. When you’re ready get back into the swing of things. Even if you don’t feel like it, fake it until you make it. Be social and engage with others. Start to reconnect with your own past. Find out what you want to do with your life. When you get to make decisions like that, single life can start to feel quite liberating.

Try different projects, volunteer, reconnect with your faith or explore a path you’ve always wanted to try. Lots of people find comfort in writing. Why not start a journal or even a blog? If you are into the arts take a local class. Spend some time thinking about improving yourself. What patterns do you see creeping up in your own life that are destructive? What can you do that’s a healthy alternative? Go on a road trip with a friend, visit a country you’ve always wanted to see, volunteer at your local homeless or animal shelter, tutor a child and feel what it’s like from other people’s point of view, in order to gain some perspective. Take up some new activities. Visit new places. Explore your interests, yourself and your world. When you are ready consider dating again. What would you be looking for? What did you learn works for you in past relationships and what hasn’t worked? Why not reconnect with past loves and see what they think of you and your relationship now in hindsight? What were the lessons that they learned? What did they learn about you? What really happens when you lose a major love is you find yourself, the love of your life. Once you reemerge a stronger person you will seek and find the person you’re meant to be with. So enjoy the journey inward that will lead to a quest to find love in the time to come. To explore this topic further pick up a copy of, Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott.

The Importance of Breaking up Right

BREAKING-UP

The Importance of Breaking up Right

Are you bad at breakups? If you conduct them over the phone, text or email, or just distance yourself from someone until they get the message, you aren’t showing the proper respect. And it will come back to bite you. Don’t curse your fate, thank Karma. It’s important to break up right. For one, you may block yourself out of a future opportunity you didn’t even see coming. Ever date someone and distance yourself from them only to run into them sometime later and wish you had done things differently? Perhaps you weren’t ready for them at the time, emotionally. But when you bump into them again, even if you two were great together, there’s virtually no chance at rekindling the romance. Even if you aren’t romantically inclined, you could also be losing a lot of friends. And a friend of the opposite sex is always a good one to have, especially an ex, particularly if you are trying to evaluate your own or someone else’s behavior in a relationship. In fact, you can learn a lot about yourself from investigating your romantic past and seeing what patterns pop up and why they do so. But you can’t do that if you don’t break up right.

Breaking up wrong can hurt future relationships, too. If you live in a small town, run around in the same social circles, or are in a network where everyone talks, sooner or later you will get a bad reputation. If you don’t break up with someone well others hear about it and it can ruin your chances at better job and romantic prospects since you don’t seem reliable. When you sit down and explain yourself to someone, even if it’s uncomfortable for you, it gives them closure. And the results are often nowhere near as bad as we picture it in our heads. Sometimes when you explain to a soon-to-be ex that you two are better off as friends, it turns into exactly that. And who couldn’t use more friends? If you do run into an old flame, apologize. Tell them that you’ve grown up. If there is someone whom you had your eye on before, show them you’ve changed. Get them to give you a chance. Learning to break up with someone in the right way is part of becoming a mature adult. And those communication skills will not only serve to make your love life better and your social life more vibrant, those communication skills, and the grit necessary to deliver a message you know the other party doesn’t want to hear, are the very things that will sustain you in a long term, mature relationship when you are ready for it. For more advice on this topic, read How to End a Relationship: How to Break Up without Regret, Stay Positive and Feel Liberated! by Cyrus Thomson.

Key Warning signs a Man is Cheating

men-fall-asleep

Key Warning signs a Man is Cheating

Want to know if your man is cheating? According to a new book by best-selling relationship author and TV show DAYTIME love life adviser Lisa Daily, there are key warning signs to watch out for to see whether or not he is cheating. In her new book Is He Cheating? : Crack the Cheat Code and Find out Right Now if He is Cheating or Not, Why He Cheats, and What You Need to Do Next, she elaborates on the warning signs. This may be a timely book. A recent study out of Indiana University found that infidelity rates are rising. According to Daily, she wrote this latest book at the request of thousands of women who wrote her letters asking her why men cheat and what to do about it. According to Daily, “The scenarios are different, but the fear and worry and heartbreak are always the same. After a while, I started noticing that there were very specific patterns in the behavior of the men who were cheating. Once I began researching infidelity behavior in-depth, I realized there was a definite and predictable pattern to men’s affairs — everything from what they told their wives and girlfriends to where they stashed the evidence. This ‘cheat code’ of utterly predictable cheating behavior became the basis of “Is He Cheating?

Men who generally cheat according to Daily drive more aggressively, love horror movies, are doctors or lawyers or in some other power position and often fall asleep right after sex. Daily says the worst sign however is “The pre-paid cell phone or secret SIM card.” Daily covers how to snoop and where to look for clues, how to safeguard a relationship from infidelity and the biggest mistakes women make when confronting their man about the subject. Women can hardly function when they fear their mate isn’t faithful says the author. “Infidelity affects women profoundly — the fear, stress, and worry that their partner is cheating spreads like a cancer to every other area of their lives, affecting their jobs, their friendships, their self-esteem, and their children. Until women find out the truth, their lives just continue to unravel. Once you find the first piece of proof, his entire story starts to fall apart. And that’s the first step to getting the resolution you need.” Certainly women are capable of running their own lives without being crushed by a problem in their love life. Still, Daily’s advice should help lots of women who are wondering over and over again and can’t make heads or tails over whether there man is cheating or if there is something else going on.