You can hear your Spouse Better than Strangers

COUPLE-TALKING

You can hear your Spouse Better than Strangers

Sometimes it seems like you could hear your spouse’s voice anywhere, even in a crowded train station, a bomb testing zone or the demolition floor of a construction site. This may be a slight exaggeration. But the remarkable truth is you can hear your spouse better than you can strangers, at least according to a recent study. Researchers at Canada’s Queens University used couples whose ages ranged from 44 to 79. They asked these participants to read a script. These readings were recorded and played back for their spouse. But at the same time this recording played another played simultaneously. And the voice on the other recording was the same age and gender as the listener’s spouse. At certain points in the experiment they would ask the listener what their spouse was saying, while at others they asked what the stranger said. Participants could understand their own spouse’s voice far more readily than the strangers. This research was published in the journal Psychological Science.

When the stranger’s voice was listened to, the participant’s age often had an effect on whether they could make out what the stranger was saying or not. Middle aged listeners could more readily focus in on the stranger’s voice than their older counterparts. While the middle aged have an easier time tuning out their spouse, older people don’t have that luxury. It’s good to know that we can hear our spouse’s well. But are we truly listening to what they are saying? And if not, why not? Sure the stereotype is one of tuning out our spouse. But the most successful couple’s know that positive communication and active listening are the cornerstones of their success. Practice active listening with your partner. If you feel that one or another is nagging, address it. Tell them how it makes you feel. And brainstorm other ways to communicate that are less irritating to one and more effective in causing action in the other. For more advice read, How to Speak Your Spouse’s Language: Ten Easy Steps to Great Communication from One of America’s Foremost Counselors by H. Norman Wright.

When Your Child is Emancipated Do You Still Have to Pay Child Support?

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When Your Child is Emancipated Do You Still Have to Pay Child Support?

When you first hear that your child is becoming emancipated, hope can dawn on many a cash strapped parent and ex-spouse. One question usually comes to their mind. When your child is emancipated do you still have to pay child support? But the issue isn’t that simple. It’s more complicated. Your child support responsibility doesn’t automatically end due to emancipation. Instead, you have to petition the court in order to terminate child support. Proceedings from this point vary according to state law. Child support laws vary considerably from state to state. In some states the minute a child turns eighteen child support is over. Whereas in other states it’s when the child turns twenty one or it could even depend on when they finish college. Emancipation itself is a different issue, but the laws on child support will influence the court’s ruling. There are states that require child support be paid to an emancipated child. Even though an emancipated child is supposed to be financially self-sufficient the court could decide that they receive a stipend monthly until they become a certain age. The original child support order may run in tandem or be extinguished due to this. It pays to have an experienced attorney on your side to help navigate this complicated issue.

Make sure you attend your child’s emancipation hearing. Your input won’t be heard otherwise and they may make a decision that is unfavorable to you. It doesn’t matter whether or not you support your child’s decision to become emancipated. You will be able to give your testimony and take part in the decision making process. Your input will be considered. Have with you a copy of your divorce decree. The judge may ask to read it in order to get better acquainted with the case. If they see for instance that this father is paying $400 per month in child support, the judge may redirect that money to the child. Or the court may decide that each party should contribute $200 per month to the child. The age of your kid is one of the most important factors. This will weigh heavily on the judge’s head. If it is a seventeen year old boy the judge may believe that the money being paid to the child is warranted, even if they can support themselves. The judge may also consider the position of each parent. If a parent is against the emancipation they may not grant the child support to the child. If you are angry at your ex-spouse, don’t direct that anger at your child or let that anger cloud your good judgment. Make sure that throughout you have the child’s best interest in mind. For more advice on child support read, Child Support Dollar$ and Sense for NCPs: Practical Advice, Guidance, Resources, and Much More for Non-Custodial Parents Juggling Child Support Issues by Marty Vaughn.

Divorce to Protect your Kids from Domestic Violence

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Kids who witness domestic violence suffer from anxiety and fear, and it has a negative impact on their psychological well-being one study found. The study was published recently in the journal Psychology of Violence. 517 children took part in this study. A shocking 75% of participants had witnessed domestic violence themselves. On top of that 3% had seen injuries and 21% had heard the incident as it occurred. Psychology research professor at Sewanee, The University of the South, and lead researcher on this study Sherry Hamby wrote in a press release, “Parents are such big figures in a child’s life. If a parent is endangered, that can threaten a child’s well-being. They get worried that if their parent is in danger, then who is going to protect them?” Out of the 75 incidents that did occur, one child was injured. But many more of the participating children suffered from anxiety and fear. 50% worried about the victim or their abuser being seriously injured. 20% said it was the scariest thing they’d ever seen. All socio-economic levels experienced domestic violence. Where the annual income was $20,000 or lower the domestic violence rate was 28%. For those households making between $20,000 and $50,000 the rate was 30%. From $50,000 to $75,000 the domestic violence rate was 18%, and for those making over $75,000 per year the domestic violence rate was 24%.

In terms of demographics, domestic violence occurred among Caucasians 50% of the time, among African-Americans 20% of the time, among Hispanics 16% and 11% for all other racial groups. 75% of the abusers were men according to the study. According to Hamby, “One of the most shocking findings is that less than 2 percent of the cases resulted in jail time for the perpetrator.” Children who come from a home where domestic violence occurs have a higher risk of depression, nightmares, anxiety, trouble at school and even violence when dating as a teen. The trauma that the children experience is equal to they themselves being abused according to Hamby. We as a society need to stand up against domestic violence. More resources should be made available for the victims and their children. No one deserves to be abused and more outreach and advertising needs to be put into place to help educate the victims about the resources available to them, how they should plan to leave, support with the divorce process, and why it is what’s best for them. Certainly it isn’t easy to leave and legislation may be needed to perhaps help protect victims when they are divorcing an abusive spouse. Let’s also not forget the 25% of abusers who are women and make sure that there is no shame attached to men who want to divorce an abusive wife. No one should put up with abuse and not just for their own sake if they have children. To learn more on the phenomenon of domestic violence, read The Domestic Violence Sourcebook by Dawn Berry.

Common Errors Women Make in Love

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So many times women of varying ages, backgrounds and lives make the same mistakes in love. Since relationships aren’t taught in schools, and it’s hard to listen to advice on love, especially if you’ve never experienced it yourself, lots of girls have to make their own mistakes in order to learn from them. The worst part is that many women keep making the same or similar mistakes over and over again. Others recognize trouble brewing in their friend’s love life but can’t see what’s about to come at them in theirs. Here are some common errors women make in love. If you have the wisdom and foresight to see these coming at you, your love life will go much more smoothly. First, don’t think you can change a man. It’s not going to happen. It’s so difficult, nearly impossible to change someone. Really, the only person we can change is ourselves. So if you are dating someone, see if they have drawbacks you can live with, even find endearing. But if your lover has a serious issue, you loving them will not make them change. It will only complicate your own life. Sometimes a woman will meet a man with a rocky romantic history. Perhaps he didn’t treat his ex very well. He’s been engaged and broke it off with three different women. Or he just jerked his ex around. Maybe he cheated on his wife with her, but she’s convinced he won’t cheat on her.

This is the next big mistake, the woman who thinks she’s the exception. Through her charm and unique powers she will convince him that he must treat her appropriately. Trouble is, you don’t know what hurts worse, when this illusion is shattered or when you come to the realization that he has done the same to you as he did the last woman and you should have seen it coming. Then there are the women who hear what they want to hear. They don’t really listen to the man. He may say he’s never met someone he was really compatible with, but if he did he’d love to get married. All she heard was he’d love to get married. But she didn’t hear the first part, which may speak to relationship problems in the past and his not owning up to his share of causing them. As Maya Angelou once said, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them”. But too many women get wrapped up in how they feel about this new relationship, and they want it so badly to work out that they ignore the warning signs. But these are the seeds to trepidation later on, and all of the problems could have been avoided if she listened with her ears open and her mind clear and really thought about what he said. Some women believe that marrying a man or having children with him will make him settle down. This does occur with some men, but assuming it will happen can be a costly mistake. The chance of being murdered by an abuser increases when a woman becomes pregnant, and the chances of infidelity rise due to marriage or pregnancy. For more on this topic be sure to pick up a copy of Eleven Dating Mistakes Women Make (And How To Correct Them) by Jonathan Bennett and David Bennett.

Judicial Orders and Deadlines Must Be Followed Precisely

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In order for you to succeed in your case, you need to stay on top of court motions, correspondences, and judicial order deadlines.

Make sure that you read through all court orders and mark down the judicial order deadline dates on your calendar (preferably on a calendar that you look at daily) so you don’t miss any deadlines.

Your attorney may not follow through on all judicial order deadlines or remind you of them because, keep in mind, you are probably not their only client, so they are likely busy working on various cases at once.  There could also be deadlines to provide documents that only you have access to, so it isn’t up to your legal team to provide them by the deadline.

If you miss any of the judicial order deadlines, your adversary could and would likely use it against you in the courtroom during your next hearing.  Even if missing the deadline is an honest mistake made by you, it looks negligent on your part and excuses aren’t taken lightly within the legal system.  Your attorneys can conjure up excuses for you, such as the request for documents being “too lengthy” to be provided within the time frame provided, or simply stating that you don’t possess the requested documents, among various other reasons.

Do your best to meet the deadlines set out by the court, and keep track of the deadlines your adversary misses or fails to complete.  It really will be in your favor if you establish to the court that you are responsible and punctual regarding their requests.