Do Men Avoid Dating Successful Women?

SUCCESS-WOMAN

Do Men Avoid Dating Successful Women?

For the first time in American history, women are surpassing men in bachelor’s and master’s degrees. Single, professional women are one of the fastest growing demographics in the country. Though they still do not make what a man does for the same job in many places, in some urban areas professional women’s salaries are outpacing men. What’s more, over half of all households will see a female breadwinner by 2025. That is amazing progress in a very short period of time, though the feminist movement has its roots a long way back in American history. Some women however say their success in the scholarly and economic realms is having negative consequences on their dating life. There are professional women who say the men they date are intimidated. They either pull away or blow them off due to a discomfort with the woman’s success. Perhaps these men find it emasculating, it is thought. Lots of these women’s girlfriends today console them by saying so, at least. There is even a school of thought that says a woman should dumb herself down in a man’s presence in order to make him feel comfortable and allow the relationship room to grow. But is it true? Do men avoid dating successful women?

Sure there is a segment in the male domain that pine for the 1950s. They believe in traditional values and are put off by women who are independent. But is this the majority of men? Certainly not. Nor is it right to generalize, which in addition to being inaccurate is in a way sexist since it paints all men as antiquated, chauvinists. There are lots of men who appreciate the success, knowledge, skills and other aspects of an accomplished woman. They also want a partner to share interesting times and conversations with, someone with many facets and dimensions, just as women do.  In fact, there are a lot of men who brag about the accomplishments of their wives and girlfriends. There is too a growing segment of stay-at-home dads and lots who enjoy it. So what’s really going on here? Their selection process could be an issue. What kind of men is this person seeking? What qualities do they all hold in common? Are they chauvinists, traditional or perhaps they fear commitment? The woman herself may also be subconsciously sabotaging her chances at love due to some deep-seeded trauma. Another aspect, it might be the woman’s personality itself. Pushiness, vanity, decisiveness, being opinionated and other aggressive behaviors propel some forward in their career. But on the dating scene these qualities are a huge turnoff.

In terms of selection process, lots of women say they want a man who is just as accomplished or more. But then are they selecting someone who is also decisive, aggressive and opinionated? When two people share such personalities the relationship quickly becomes an arena of locking horns rather than a relaxing atmosphere where love and romance can flourish. Only selecting this type, a person who fits a checklist of certain career accomplishments also shows underlying issues. This person worries of what others think or has a need to project their value. One’s relationship can be seen as a reflection of one’s self. But why don’t they explore other sides of their personality? We don’t have to date someone we view as a colleague. Looking for someone to love is not the same as a job interview. So someone who is opinionated may enjoy hanging out with someone who is open-minded, shy, artistic and free spirited. This may nourish other aspects that are suppressed in their normal, workaday environment. A professional woman may be interested in someone who is accomplished but in a totally different field or way. Lastly, sometimes this attitude that no men are good is an armor to protect from the fear that they themselves are at fault, or doing something wrong. Each person brings problems into a relationship, big and small. No one is perfect. We are all human. But it is in examining our mistakes and our own flaws that we can grow and develop and become better. There’s an old Buddhist saying; when the disciple is ready the master will appear. When the heart is ready, love will be there. For more savvy ways to navigate your love life read, Love Smart: Find the One You Want–Fix the One You Got by Dr. Phil McGraw.

What to Know about Dating a Jamaican Man

jamaican man

Whether you know a Jamaican man in your own country, or you are on vacation and are interested in dating a Jamaican man, the culture is a bit different than that of the U.S. The stereotype is that Jamaican men are controlling, womanizing, and disrespectful of women. The truth is they are like any other group of people. Some Jamaican men don’t treat their women well. Others treat them like queens. We cannot stereotype or generalize, but the culture can be a little bit different. Study the culture if you are seriously interested in someone of the Jamaican persuasion. Here are some things to get you started. If you are going out for a date, or hanging at home, realize that they don’t have the same fast food culture that we in the U.S. do. In fact, Jamaicans eat lots of fresh food prepared at home. Fast food may be okay once in a while, but of course it isn’t healthy so he won’t appreciate eating it all the time. So instead, why not prepare something at home, go to a healthier restaurant, or perhaps ask him to make one of his favorite dishes? And what makes a better date than cooking together? Jamaicans are said to have a number of jobs at one time. The truth is that Jamaicans have a strong work ethic. So don’t be afraid to ask him what he does. It will probably make for interesting conversation.

Jamaicans are very family oriented. In American society, being taken to meet a man’s family means that he’s serious about you. In Jamaican culture, not so much. Very often someone in the family is throwing a party. If they are aware of you they will invite you. But that doesn’t mean, should he be seeing someone else, that he won’t bring her to the next family party. So don’t take an invite or a point where you meet his family as too big of a sign. Also, Jamaican men often take what their mothers say to heart. Understand that her opinion in his life in general, and of you specifically, may carry more weight than an American man’s. If you are a bit prudish, dating a Jamaican may not be for you. In American culture, talking about sex is done behind closed doors, never in front of the family. In Jamaican culture the attitude about sex is much more laid back, and may even be discussed in front of the family. Understand this and don’t be too embarrassed if you find yourself in the middle of some awkward, funny, and interesting conversations. Machismo and masculinity is very essential to the Jamaican lifestyle. If you have any gay friends, realize that your Jamaican interest may be homophobic. Talk to him about it before you bring your gay friends around. Lastly, Jamaican men are thought to be smooth. Don’t get too caught up in his accent or the way he can put sentences together to charm and sway you. You can learn more about dating Jamaican men through the advice of Empress Yuajah in her book, How to Date a Jamaican Man: How to Love and Understand a Jamaican Man.

Think Before Asking Interracial Couples these Questions

interracial couple relaxing in lounge

Dating outside your race used to be illegal in America. And even when the miscegenation laws were dropped in 1967, for decades afterward it was taboo to seek a lover outside your own race. Today, the majority of Americans are not shocked by interracial dating. In fact, interracial couples and even marriages are seen as acceptable. In some places in the country an interracial couple hardly warrants a second look. In other places, it’s still taboo. But the younger generation is accepting of it. Still, there are still growing pains. We haven’t hit full equality yet, or acceptance. There are still a lot of attitudes and stereotypes that need to be broken. In fact, interracial couples still get weird looks, stares, the cold shoulder depending on what region you are in, and strange, probing questions that are just plain rude. If you know an interracial couple, are in an interracial relationship, or just want to be prepared and enlightened, remember to make sure you think before asking interracial couples these questions. It will save them from embarrassment, and you, too. First, don’t ask how the person’s family feels about his or her partner. Of course, they are dating a person. The focus should be on the person first and their race second. And why are you asking? If you are asking what problems or issues an interracial couple faces, that’s a good question. But if you are shaming someone because they are dating someone from a different race, that’s quite another thing.

Don’t ask about racial stereotypes and if they fit the dating circumstance the person is in. Racial stereotypes are not truths. They are garish generalizations that are rude, closed minded and ignorant. Instead, ask about specifics of the person he or she is dating. Find out more about them as a person, not as a member of a particular race. With all of the uphill battles, the misunderstandings and the difficulties, wouldn’t it be better for you to stick to dating within your own race? The intention is clear. You are showing a certain sympathy for the person’s situation. But what about how they feel about this particular person? What about how they feel about that person’s culture? There are so many people that you can connect with on a deeper level. Why should someone’s race stand in the way? And why deny a whole host of candidates simply by what race they check off on survey forms? Don’t ask if they have a fetish for a certain race. This is not only rude it’s boiling down this person’s significant other to only their race. What if they are good looking, kind, considerate, goal oriented, and have a sparkling sense of humor? Are they still only their race? Perhaps there are lots of other reasons they’ve decided to date this person. Lastly, don’t ask if they get stared at if they go on dates. They do. Interracial couples are still outside the norm. But soon they will be in the mainstream. Be one of the first to recognize that interracial dating is going to increase in the future, making our society more beautiful, diverse, and richer than ever before. To learn more about interracial dating, read the advice of Christelyn D. Karazin and Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn in their book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed.