Ending the Affair

end affair

Ending the Affair

An affair can be so edifying, passionate, and you may find the person you are having it with irresistible. But infidelity can also tear your life apart. If you are thinking of switching up, think carefully. Will you be able to trust them? Will they trust you? The one you are cheating with may not have the best long term relationship qualities to begin with. They cheated with you after all, what makes you think they won’t do it again when things get too tough? It’s best to end the affair. But it must be done in the proper manner. Only if you are determined can you put an end to it.

It may be comforting to have a place to go to when your spouse or live-in partner doesn’t understand you or ignores you. But sooner or later they are bound to find out about the affair and blow everything wide open. If your relationship is too far gone and you’ve tried everything you can to fix it, with little success, perhaps it’s time to end that too. Usually, an affair is caused for some reason. The cheater isn’t getting their needs met in the primary relationship. Determine what needs aren’t being met. Is it intimacy, appreciation, or fulfillment? See if you can reinvest in your primary relationship to have your needs met and reconnect. But if not, perhaps consider ditching them both and starting over from scratch. You may be happier in the long run.

Turn to a trusted friend for support. It can be really difficult going through something like this by yourself. Having a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board and someone to give you advice is the thing you need. Instead of focusing on the positive aspects focus on the negative ones. Break off the affair in your head first and start thinking about it as over. Look for the shortcomings and problems with the person you are having the affair with and the affair itself. It’s time to change your mind set about it. If all you want to do is be with that person, even though you know it’s the wrong decision, you have to start having a negative outlook on it. Once your mind has turned from enjoying to reviling the affair it will be easier to sever the ties to that person. Get rid of all the mementos and signs that an affair has occurred. Erase the text messages. Sell the gifts and tokens. Delete the secret file on your computer of you two together.

Have a face-to-face meeting with your lover. Make it someplace public so that they won’t make a scene. Explain to them how much you enjoyed it but that you need to end it and the reasons why. Let them know that you are cutting off all contact. Once you’ve explained yourself get out of there. Avoid getting back into the affair. Remember that just because you’ve changed the affair’s status in your mind doesn’t mean they have. They could call and plead, beg, even use blackmail to force you to see them. Resist or find yourself in the same situation all over again. For more advice read, How to End an Affair: Stop Cheating with Proven Steps to Infidelity Recovery by Eugene Marks.

Signs he Isn’t Dense, Just Not into You

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So there’s this cute guy you’ve been flirting with. You’ve been sending out the signals, but so far he’s an enigma. Or else you’re getting nothing back. What are you supposed to do? Keep flirting and look like an idiot or let this one go? But he’s so cute you don’t want to give up. You’ve invested so much already. Are there signs he isn’t dense, just not into you? Of course there are. And they aren’t as tough to see as you might think. Has your love interest ever said you can tag along or come to an event if you want? You weren’t directly invited and this is what he said, if you want. A man who is interested in you definitely wants you to come. He invites you. So this is a sign he’s not into you. If you want to test him, find out an event he is going to and casually mention it to him. See if he invites you or not. Have you two been close? What happens when you enter his personal space? Try standing closer to him. How intensely do you flirt? Do you twirl your hair, laugh at his jokes, and give good eye contact and body language? Do you lean in when he speaks? Touch his arm or shoulder and see how he reacts. If he shies away, he definitely isn’t into you. If he warms up he may have not picked up on your signals. Is he shy? Guys who have low self-esteem may need a nudging. You may have to give him your number. Find a cute reason to program it into his phone. If he is very private about his phone and won’t let you touch it, be aware. He probably has someone else he’s seeing.

Has he ever acted too busy to talk to you? If he’s too busy he isn’t that into you. Men always have time for women they are interested in, unless it’s an emergency or he’s late for an important meeting or something serious. Even then he’ll take a short little side bar with you. He may have someone else or be in a relationship already if this is the case. Whether he is or isn’t, if someone is too busy for you, why do you want to hang out with them? Someone you want to get involved with should have time for you. And how can they make your relationship a priority in their life when they can’t make time for you right in the beginning? How will they act later on? If you are already on calling and texting terms with this person, but you’re not sure where it’s going, does he ever forget to call or text? If so, he’s not that into you. If he was he would make calling or texting a priority. And who doesn’t have time to text, honestly? If you two are hanging out already but you get mixed signals and you don’t know if you are just hanging out or if it’s a date, what is it like when you guys are together? Does he call you at the last minute and tell you he doesn’t plan anything, but always keeps everything spontaneous? No one is really like that. If he can’t be bothered to plan a real date with you, he isn’t really interested. A man who’s really interested would go out of his way to show you that he cares. To learn about the numerous ways to tell if a guy is into you, read the advice of Luanna Wallis in her book, Does He Like Me Or What? 60 Surefire Signs That He’s Interested.

Forgot your special Day? Study says it’s only natural

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Men can really make a girl feel unloved. Ever have your boyfriend or even your husband forget your anniversary, birthday, or even Valentine’s Day (MSN.com)? Sometimes nothing hurts more than being taken for granted. A recent study out of Norway says that if he forgot your special day, it’s only natural. Men are worse at remembering such things than women are. 48,000 people that were surveyed were asked a series of questions by researchers regarding things men stereotypically forgot. The stereotypes proved true in this case. Men tended to forget birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions far more than women did. In fact, many men couldn’t even remember their own age. What’s important to note is that the researchers didn’t actually test men’s memories but how they felt about their own memory. Still, there is something to be said about a guy who can remember every game and score, the name of every player, their position and stats, but can’t remember their own anniversary. It may be a case of men only remembering what is overwhelmingly important to them, focusing in on that and ignoring everything else. More research must investigate this topic of how the male and female memory differ.

Instead of getting very upset though, perhaps remind him to program it into his phone, on his Facebook, write it in his planner or simply jot these down on the kitchen calendar. A little reminder will not only make him feel better but it will also give him some time. Hopefully the wheels will start turning in his head. He will feel lucky and supported that you shared this date with him in some way, instead of waiting for him to realize and being mad and disappointed that he didn’t. Like it or not men’s and women’s brains just work differently. Instead of taking it for granted, or labeling him a heartless jerk, if he really does have so many other great qualities, why not work with his poor memory rather than against it? Does he like trivia games? Make a game out of it. Have him guess your anniversary, the first time you met, your first kiss and so on. If he gets them right, he gets a reward. Perhaps a kiss? If he gets them wrong he gets a stern look, but only for a couple of seconds. This could be a nice reinforcement tool. What is important in a relationship is communication. If your guy has a bad head for dates, no amount of training in the world is going to get him to remember on his own. But by suggesting subtly, giving him strategies, tasking him gently and in a fun way, or just asking flat out, “You know our anniversary is coming up on the 10th, what do you want to do?” you give him the tools he needs to be successful, without all the anxiety women usually strap on a man, making failure more eminent.