Lots of people swear off marriage after their divorce. Those who felt controlled or dominated swear they will never lose their independence again. Infidelity makes others question commitment. Some feel that they would never want to go through the agony of divorce again. There are those who feel marriage is doomed because once the initial nuance wears off a lot of problems rear their ugly head. But the truth is your second marriage is often much better than the first.
Lots of folks put trust in the idea of marriage, until they get into and out of one. Then they realize that it’s a tremendous amount of work. And not only does it bring out someone else’s issues, but worse yet your own rise to the surface when interacting with a spouse. Some people don’t want to deal with all of that. And that’s understandable. Realize that most people are trained on how the subtle dance of courtship and getting married works. But lots of people don’t know what to do once in a marriage. After one is over however you are more knowledgeable, wiser and carry lots of experience. You know yourself a bit more. Lots of people fail to understand what they themselves bring to the marriage in terms of baggage. But after one marriage is over, and one has to face one’s baggage you start to realize your own patterns and mistakes, and seek to rectify them. This makes you a much better and more mindful spouse in the second marriage.
There are a lot of pressures on young couples that many times doesn’t exist on people getting married for a second time. Young children, a mortgage, striking out in a career and student loan debt all weigh on the marriage. But second marriages usually happen a little later in life when one is settled in one’s career, more comfortable financially and whose children are generally older or old enough at least where they don’t need constant supervision and care. There’s a lot less pressure that can weigh on the marriage. Money is the number one issue both in terms of starting marital conflicts and ending relationships, including marriage. If one or both of you is financially sound then there is far less of a chance of contention, should you get along in other aspects emotionally, sexually and intellectually such as shared goals and values.
After going through the first marriage you know how to fight and communicate correctly, and how not to fight and communicate. This will make the relationship more stable. Another advantage, you can take the lessons learned from the previous marriage and apply it to this one. Say you were taken for granted in your last marriage, now you may know how to speak up. Or if you took your spouse for granted you’ll appreciate your new one more. There are lots of advantages to a second marriage. But truthfully consider whether or not it’s right for you. For more advice read, Making Your Second Marriage a First-Class Success by Doug Moseley and Naomi Moseley.