Locating a No Strings Attached Partner

NSA

Locating a No Strings Attached Partner

So you’ve decided that a no strings attached relationship is what you need right now. Whether you just got out of an exhausting divorce, a painful long term relationship, you’re swamped and don’t have time to date or you just want to sample from the glorious pool of dating prospects without getting tied down. Whatever your reason, you have your approach down. You’re feeling good and ready to get this thing going. The only thing you need is a worthy partner who will fulfil your every desire. Locating a no strings attached partner can be easy or difficult depending upon your social circle. Also, many people in the dating pool are looking for different things, from NSA to marriage and so many options in-between.

So how do you find someone who might fit the bill? First, think about some friends of friends that you find attractive. When you are in the same room together, why not try and flirt with them? Almost everyone likes to be flirted with. See if you can get their number. Find some time to hang out and you may be well on your way. If you have a confidant on your side, work with them and try to brainstorm. Think about acquaintances you often run into, too and flirt with them.

Is there someone you’ve had your eye on? Why not try to bump into them? Or better yet see if you can get someone to introduce the two of you. Start flirting and move on to texting. Take things slow and easy. Work into it. If you move too fast you may creep the other person out. Have you ever had a one-night stand or a hookup? Chances are that person would be interested in doing it again. Why not get in touch with them and see what they are up to. If you are like the rest of us, you may have had your fair share of jobs over the last five years. Did you run into anyone you thought was cute, hot or drop dead sexy? See if you can get in touch with them again. Call the office asking for someone. Make up a reason or an excuse and get to chatting with them on the phone. Flirt with them. Call back again but this time get their number. If they give it to you, you are well on your way to Hookupville, provided they are interested in this type of arrangement.

Are you in touch with some old friends from college or even high school? Chances are there is someone from the old days that makes you squirm in your seat. Do some sleuthing and see if they are single. Facebook and other social media sites are great places to connect with old friends who may be interested in a hookup. For more advice read, The Friends with Benefits Rulebook by Stacy Freedman.

TIME Magazine App Predicts when you should get married

young-woman-texting

TIME Magazine App Predicts when you should get married

Do you know when the perfect date for your wedding is? If not a new app can tell you. Brought to you by TIME Magazine, this new app predicts when you should get married. It works by first analyzing your Facebook friends’ relationship statuses and ages. Then it determines the median age of your friends’ marriages and proposes that you marry about the same age as they were.

In terms of their calculation procedure, the app only uses friends who have selected to include their date of birth in their Facebook profile, up to and including the year. Researchers for TIME believe that only a quarter of Facebook users include this information on their profile. The statuses the software recognizes are “engaged,” “married,” “in a civil union” or a “domestic partnership.” This is a small number of the average Facebook profile’s friends. One reporter using the app said that it only selected 10 out of her 900 Facebook friends as these were the only ones who chose to report their relationship status. Many others keeping their status private were then not counted in the app’s calculations.

Though it’s interesting it doesn’t seem as though anyone is planning their marriage or dating life around this app, nor should they. It makes one wonder what the point of this app is in general. Is it merely to elicit interest in TIME? There certainly isn’t a perfect date or age to get married. And with the inflated divorce rate, though it has dropped a bit for some groups, having artificial pressures or anxieties tossed atop an already large pile from one’s family and society seems ludicrous and outlandish. Certainly people today know that marriage isn’t something to be taken lightly. Though it has a fun aspect it can make someone who is single feel bad about their situation, as if there aren’t enough things that do that already.

Why not forgo this app and turn to a dating one instead? There are lots of them. Some select singles in your area and make it easy for you to chat with them. Online dating is a great way to do it too. Remember to give the person you meet a chance. Serial dating can be fun in the beginning but can wear you out in the end. If you are dating someone do not use this app to pressure them into marriage. Nor should you show the selected date to your significant other as anything other than a joke. It could backfire on you. Then you’ll be contacting TIME and all over the news for reporting that their marriage app broke up your relationship. Bet that isn’t something they saw coming. Who could have predicted it? If you’re thinking of taking it to the next level in your relationship read, Before You Say “I Do”: A Marriage Preparation Manual for Couples by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts.

What Exactly Is Cheating?

WHAT-IS-CHEATING

What Exactly Is Cheating?

One person’s cheating is another’s playing the field when it comes to dating. In a relationship things are more clear cut but there still may be some areas of ambiguity. Is having an office spouse cheating? What about emotional intimacy, can that exist outside the couple? What exactly is cheating? It turns out infidelity may be determined by your gender and age. In a recent poll 40% of men and 56% of women said that if their partner kissed someone other than them on the lips, it was cheating.

But as women got older the number that shared this opinion dropped. 75% of younger women ages 18-29 considered their partner locking lips with another cheating. 53% of women age 30-44 thought so. 38% of women 45-64 shared this same view, and for the 65 and over crowd, only 30% considered it cheating. For sending a sext, that is a sexy photo or text message to someone, 74% of men thought it was cheating, compared to the 80% of women who shared the same view.

When it came to developing a deep connection, women and men’s opinions were divergent. Only half of men considered this to be cheating compared to 70% of women. The participant’s age played a factor in whether or not forming a deep bond with someone was cheating. 52% ages 18-29 felt this way, compared with 69% of the 65+ respondents. Political persuasion played a factor as well. When polled about whether going to a strip joint was cheating, 19% of Democrats said so, compared to 35% of Republicans. 51% of Republicans said it wasn’t cheating while 86% of Dems agreed. What about reconnecting with an ex on Facebook, is this cheating? 21% of guys thought so, but 56% didn’t. For women, 26% thought it was cheating while 42% thought it wasn’t.

When it came to Facebook, a political bend played a factor as well. 19% of Democrats thought reconnecting with an ex was cheating, 51% didn’t. For Republicans, 29% considered it an infidelity while 44% thought it was okay.  Talk with your partner on what you consider cheating at your particular stage in the game. Have a conversation and establish some ground rules. If you aren’t exclusive realize what that means, and if you are outline what that means too. If you and your partner have experienced infidelity read, After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.

Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

reject

Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

It can be awkward when a male friend hits on you. You hate to reject them because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or hurt your standing within your social circle. On the other hand, you don’t have any interest, or chemistry, so there’s no point in leading him on. It’ll just get worse down the line. How do you let them down gently, yet firmly enough so they won’t try again? Here are some ways to get a male friend to stop hitting on you. First, put a little space between you and him.

Cut out the smiles. Sometimes being friendly can be interpreted as flirty. Some guys see what they want. But don’t give him any ammunition. Why not introduce him to other, available women who might be interested in him? Perhaps he’s just in a dry streak and needs to meet someone new. Go through your rolodex or your phone. Check out your friends on Facebook. Be his matchmaker. When you go out, make it a mission to point out women who might be interested in him. You can kill two birds with one stone that way. Approach other women and tell them he thinks their cute and wants to say hello. Get him to buy women a drink at the bar.

If you want to turn him away, talk about other guys in front of him. The guy you’re dating, the guy at work you think is cute, your crush. It will turn him off and dampen his desire. When you get a text, pretend it’s a flirty or steamy one from the guy you are interested in. He may think the deal has been sealed and move on. Tell a story to him where a female friend of yours is being hit on by a guy who is her friend, and sound disgusted by it. See how he feels about that. Don’t hang out with him one-on-one. Instead, cancel when it occurs that way. Make up an excuse if you have to. Or invite others along to give you a cushion.

Don’t drive with him. Definitely don’t be alone in the car with him if you can help it. If you have to go in his car, bring another friend along and sit in the back seat. That sends a pretty clear message without being offensive. Be a little cold and distant if none of this works. He will back away from you. Once he gets the hint, he’ll stop hitting on you. He’ll understand borders. That awkwardness will fade. And hanging out with your friends will be fun again and carefree. For more advice read, The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman, Ph.D.

Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

married

Little Changes You Can Make when You Become a Wife

Congratulations on getting married! It’s such an exciting time, the beginning of a marriage when you two have made that great commitment before friends and family, sealed the deal with an incredible reception and hopefully a honeymoon that will make anyone jealous. But what about after that? Sure a long term commitment is a big deal. But a marriage is an even bigger one. You should start with accommodating one another and showing your appreciation for the other person, especially at this early stage of the game. Here are some little changes you can make when you become a wife to show your husband how devoted to him you are, and how much you care.

It’s not necessary of course but it will be a great way to set the tone in your marriage, and let him know how you feel. One thing you can do is update your relationship status on Facebook. It’s a great way to show him, and everyone you know how happy you are and secure that your marriage will last. It will also send exes and others who have shown interest that you are indeed off the market.  Next, when an invitation or event comes up, make sure to do your new husband the courtesy of checking with him. This is especially important if you want him to return the favor. Setting the tone is important. And what one person does in a marriage is often mirrored by the other. Courtesy is returned with courtesy, and inconsiderate moves are also returned in kind.

Eat dinner together when you can. It’s a great way to reconnect after a long day. Studies have shown that families who eat together are far more healthy and well-adjusted. And your husband is your family now, right? To your friends, as soon as you get married they start to think you aren’t fun anymore. Don’t spend all your time with your husband. Have a girl’s night out every once in a while. Go for drinks or coffee with friends. Enjoy spending time together. Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you should be attached at the hip. In fact, couples who spend some time apart with their own friends and pursuing their own hobbies are far healthier and happier than those who spend every waking minute together. When you stop on the way home for a little treat, like a cupcake at that place you’ve been itching to try, bring him home one too. It will make him so happy. It’s such a small, easy gesture that will mean a lot to him.

Tell people that you’re married. Don’t do it when it doesn’t fit into the conversation that you’re having. But when appropriate let others at parties, work related events and so on know. When you’re a girlfriend it’s polite to let it come up. But when you’re married, it makes a man proud to know that you are announcing it proudly and staving off potential rivals, instead of hiding it because you want the flutter you feel when someone finds you attractive. It’s important to set the tone early. It’s not just a new phase of the same relationship, a marriage shows that something has changed. You’ve made a broad and deep commitment to one another. Show him the advantages he gets for making you his wife. Show him your love and appreciation. He’ll return the favor. For more advice read, Wife School: Where Women Learn the Secrets of Making Husbands Happy by Julie N. Gordon.