How to Make Love Last

COUPLE-IN-BED

How to Make Love Last

Despite the elevated divorce rate, long term love is not doomed. In fact many couples experience a beautiful, deep, thrilling connection throughout their lives together. A recent study conducted by Stony Brook University found that out of a sample of 274 married couples, together 10 years or longer, 49% of men and 46% of women said that they were “very intensely in love.” This study was published in The Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science. Head researcher Daniel O’Leary and his team uncovered the secrets to sustaining romance. So how do you make love last? First, physical intimacy is important, such as hugging and kissing. It releases oxytocin the “cuddle hormone” helping the couple relax and connect. Couples who didn’t report any physical displays of love were also those in a loveless marriage. Sexual frequency also contributed to feelings of intense love. But it wasn’t necessary. 25% stated feeling this way without be physically intimate with their partner within the last month. Physical affection even makes up for other negative aspects of a relationship. Some couples who reported stress over financial decisions, different parenting styles and so on who took part in physical affection still said they were in intense love with their partner.

Couples that remained positive were also far more likely to feel intense love for each other. Some couples take each other for granted or the elements in their partner that they love, appreciate or admire fade from constantly seeing them. But those who showed more appreciation were far more likely to be intensely in love. Another aspect was sharing in interesting, unique and exhilarating experiences together. Exercising, cooking, reading and discussing the same book or article, learning something new that was exciting like surfing, traveling, exploring spirituality or going on adventures all helped couples maintain intense, long lasting love. Personal happiness was the last quality that couples that love intensely share. Personal happiness was especially important for women in these relationships. But does being intensely in love also infuse a person with happiness, or does personal happiness bring an extra spark to the relationship? This is a chicken and egg scenario, a Mobius strip without end. See if you can infuse some of these characteristics in your relationship. Practice appreciating your partner. Go on adventures and explore together. Invest in some quality time. Make sure to show physical affection toward one another. Your love will grow and blossom if you cultivate it in the right way. For more advice read, Lasting Love: How to Avoid Marital Failure by Alistair Begg.

BDSM Dating App Helps the Kinky Get Together

kinky

BDSM Dating App Helps the Kinky Get Together

Tinder has been so successful it has bred a near universe of similar apps with their own twist on its successful model.  If you are a shy guy, there’s Catch. Stylish sack jumpers who are also cerebral can meet on Hinge. Those who are very health conscious can find each other on SaladMatch. To select someone who knows how to give a proper salute try Uniform Dating. If you care about the person’s personality and not so much their looks give Willow a try. Black professionals can find possible mates on Meld. Try The League if you are wealthy and the other person’s net worth is of importance to you. The latest in this dating app tsunami is for those who want to get their kink on and find a partner that’s into the kinds of freaky things they want to do. Take Tinder and BDSM, put it in a blender and what shoots out is Whipir. This app does in fact allude to the likeness of the prior landscape-changing app. They also claim to be the only platform solely for the BDSM community. It is important to find someone who is open-minded enough, and trusting enough to allow us to explore our deep desires, and help us find out more about ourselves. We do so when we lead someone else through their deepest fantasies as well.

Whipir is user friendly offering free calls, real-time messaging and video chats. The usability of dating apps is one reason why people are pivoting away from the old-time desktop version which requires a lengthy profile process and often membership fees. Apps are so convenient and cost little if anything to use. Whipir is easy to navigate. You upload a normal photo, answer a few questions including your gender, location, kinky interests and level of experience and away you go. Your choices filter out other members and hopefully put you in front of people, or put people in front of you, that are looking for what you are. Then you can chat up those who seem as though they have potential and even send out a few “sparks.” These are interests you can propose to someone you might like to experience them with. This isn’t just for the initiated. Whipir invites the curious or those who have only just started exploring to join in the dark, titillating fun.

There are what they describe as “kink categories.” These include materials, accessories, objects, sounds and fashion. If you are into latex, love the smell of leather or can’t wait to be tied down, you imply it here. One unfortunate drawback though, it doesn’t get any more specific than these categories. So if you want to spank someone there’s no way of specifically knowing without chatting and finding out what another is into. Chief communications officer Daniel Sevitt told Refinery 29 that these categories were left vague on purpose. This was because they wanted to allow a broad interpretation of kink, and even to allow users themselves to define their own fantasies and interests, without the platform dictating it to them. There is another BDSM site called FetLife. They bill themselves as the Facebook of kink. This is more of a social networking site, whereas Whipir is an efficient dating platform modeled after Tinder. Analysts wonder due to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon if the app will become huge or sort of fizzle out. But if you are interested, Whipir may be the next great place to find someone to get your freak on with. If you’re interested in learning more about the intersection of technology and dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

Do you Fear Physical Intimacy?

fear-of-intimacy

Do you Fear Physical Intimacy?

Some people, especially ladies who grew up in strict households, fear physical intimacy. They understand that they will be physically intimate with a man at some point in their lives. But with so many messages they never know when the right time is. They almost feel as though they aren’t supposed to enjoy sex or don’t even know what it really is. The truth is Mother Nature made it feel so good to perpetuate the human species. Looks like she did a pretty good job with 7 billion people on earth. But it isn’t just men that are supposed to enjoy sex. In fact, the evolution of the female libido has changed.

In the 16th century women were thought to be sweet, flushed temptresses who were controlled by the passions, and could suck a man in if he were not imbued with reason.  It was the Elizabethan era of the 19th century that saw many of these attitudes about women’s sexuality today, often codified in the phrase, “the Madonna or the whore.” This is a phrase feminists use to describe how women are supposed to act according to this ideology. Either they are completely chaste and don’t enjoy sex at all. Or they are overly hormonal nymphets who are only moved by carnal lust and selfish desire. The truth is, as more and more women come to see, they are built to enjoy sex.

Now, men are generally the driving force for coitus. The male member contains an impressive 4,000 nerve endings. But it’s not impressive compared to the 8,000 contained in the clitoris, another hint from nature that women are definitely supposed to enjoy physical intimacy. Beyond that and the libido, the penis has another function biologically. The clitoris however has no other biological function except to give ecstatic pleasure to its owner.  Some women absorb negative messages about female sexuality. These women grow up in households where sex is taboo and never discussed. They don’t explore their bodies and therefore don’t know what they like. When it comes time to become physically intimate with their mate, it’s all guesswork on his part, and hers. She may end up very surprised. But more often than not she feels scared, anxious, inadequate, all the things to ensure she’ll have a bad time.

Studies have shown that when a woman is comfortable and relaxed, this is the best mood for her to climax. Certainly no woman should be pushed into sleeping with anyone. She has to decide when she is ready, under what circumstances with whom and why. That’s different for each woman. But to have a good time the woman has to know what she wants and likes in bed in order to communicate this to the man. He’s not going to know automatically. This theory that some women have that a man automatically knows is a fallacy. Explore safely and responsibly. If you and your lover are at the point of physical intimacy work slowly, be patient, explore with enthusiasm, and if you still have hang ups getting in the way, see a therapist. For more advice read, Overcoming Intimacy Anxiety: How to Love When Loving Someone Scares You by Jordan Gray.

Dating More than One Guy at a Time

dating

Dating More than One Guy at a Time

Can you really find love just dating one guy at a time?  It’s a number’s game and the more you know yourself, what you like and who is out there, the easier it will be if and when you are ready to choose a life partner. One common mistake women make is falling in love too easily, not properly vetting the guy and ending up alone and miserable. Other girls all of a sudden find themselves dating more than one guy and don’t know how they feel about it, if it’s right, and how they should do it. Relax. Dating more than one guy at a time is fun and easy. You don’t have to rush into commitment. There are good times and lots of lessons when you go and explore. That doesn’t mean you have to jump into bed with everyone. You can if you want. But do what feels right to you. Don’t feel pressured and if someone tries to pressure you into it, they don’t really like you to begin with. Always enjoy yourself responsibly. Still, if you really want to get the best long-term relationship, you have to get out there and date, and see who has possibilities.

Author Ronnie Ann Ryan whose book is called, I dated 30 men in 15 months in order to eventually meet my husband, calls this technique “volume dating.” If you are interested in them, you can feel comfortable balancing two or even three dates at one time. Don’t mix them up however. How would you like it if some guy did that to you? Let others know you are seeing other people and keeping your options open. Don’t feel pressured to let one lover know all the intimate details about another. But don’t pressure someone you are dating either. Take things slow and let each relationship unfold naturally. Sometimes you don’t get three dates out of someone. And today, younger people hardly date at all, just “hang out” or “hookup.”

It’s important to get to know the person. Let the emotional intimacy build way before physical intimacy does, if you are truly looking for the one. When just playing the field, watch their hearts and yours. You don’t want to get emotionally involved with someone who isn’t ready and willing to return such love.  Neither do you want someone who has fallen for you to get their heart shattered to bits. Set rules and boundaries. Mutually agree to them. Don’t see someone who can’t handle just dating. Be who you are, own who you are and know what you want. Love will be easy and soon the way forward will be clear.

Getting Over someone You Adored

HEARTBROKEN

Getting Over someone You Adored

Sometimes you just can’t wait to get rid of someone and move on with your life. Then there are those relationships you regret ever getting into. There are the ones who sting and the ones that cut deep. But the worst of all is getting over someone you adored, someone you feel that you just can’t live without. You’d rather go without limbs, eyes and vital organs than your lover and can’t believe they’d even think of leaving you. Perhaps it’s just a passing phase, or they’ve suddenly become mentally ill. How will you go on living? The end of a relationship can consume your entire life. Some have even contemplated suicide. Whether it’s feelings of abandonment, inadequacy, guilt, misplaced anger or rejection just know that you are going to be okay. You’ll get through this. Someday you’ll wonder what is was that you saw in this person. First, it may be cliché but with time it will hurt less and less until one day you’ll be free and feeling great. Allow yourself the proper time to get over it. Don’t obsess over your ex. Instead, focus on you, how you are feeling and your healing. When you’re ready get back into the swing of things. Even if you don’t feel like it, fake it until you make it. Be social and engage with others. Start to reconnect with your own past. Find out what you want to do with your life. When you get to make decisions like that, single life can start to feel quite liberating.

Try different projects, volunteer, reconnect with your faith or explore a path you’ve always wanted to try. Lots of people find comfort in writing. Why not start a journal or even a blog? If you are into the arts take a local class. Spend some time thinking about improving yourself. What patterns do you see creeping up in your own life that are destructive? What can you do that’s a healthy alternative? Go on a road trip with a friend, visit a country you’ve always wanted to see, volunteer at your local homeless or animal shelter, tutor a child and feel what it’s like from other people’s point of view, in order to gain some perspective. Take up some new activities. Visit new places. Explore your interests, yourself and your world. When you are ready consider dating again. What would you be looking for? What did you learn works for you in past relationships and what hasn’t worked? Why not reconnect with past loves and see what they think of you and your relationship now in hindsight? What were the lessons that they learned? What did they learn about you? What really happens when you lose a major love is you find yourself, the love of your life. Once you reemerge a stronger person you will seek and find the person you’re meant to be with. So enjoy the journey inward that will lead to a quest to find love in the time to come. To explore this topic further pick up a copy of, Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott.