How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

Just-A-Booty-Call

How Can You Tell if Someone Likes You Or Just Wants to Get in your Pants?

It happens when you least expect it. You meet someone and you can’t get them out of your mind. But what are their intentions? Though it does occasionally happen to guys, most of the time it’s the woman wondering whether he just wants to get in her pants or if he really likes her. Usually, this guy knows all the right things to say. You flirt easily and have a great rapport. The chemistry is real and it’s powerful. But in either case this could be true. So how can you tell? It’s in his actions as to whether he really wants to spend time with you or if he just wants to spend some time pressed up against you. Analyze the situation carefully and you can see through any player’s cover. First, how do you mainly interact? Are you constantly texting, emailing each other little articles you read online that remind you of one another and talking on the phone late into the night? Or do you mostly text and he drops off or disappears here and there, always reappearing with some catastrophe he dealt with or well-tailored excuse? If it’s the latter, you should watch your heart.

When you talk what do you talk about? If all he talks about is himself and he’s never inquired about your history, your likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams and more personal stuff, chances are he isn’t that interested. Guys who like you want to get to know the real you. They will go out of their way to show you that they remember something about you. A link on your page, a phrase or joke you share, a little thoughtful gift or a mention of something you are interested in such as your favorite band coming to town, or your team winning a game will show that he really cares. If there’s no personal touch, he doesn’t want to get personal, just physical. Have you ever met his friends? Or does he steer you clear of his crew? Guys who like you want to see how you interact with their friends. He wants to know if you can fit in with his circle, and vice-versa. But those that just want to get between your thighs don’t want to risk their circle looking down on them, so there will always be an excuse as to why you can’t tag along.

Do you pick him up, go to his place? Do you always go out of your way for him? Does it run in the other direction too? If not, he’s just not that into you. A guy who really likes you will make an effort. But if it’s all about him, or he isn’t that interested, he may not think twice about taking advantage of your time, money and more. When you hang out is all his attention on you or is he constantly distracted? If he likes you his focus will be on you. If he doesn’t it will be on his phone, his great fashion sense or daydreaming about getting your clothes off and what he will find underneath. Does he make last minute plans with you, or break plans last minute? If he doesn’t respect your time he doesn’t respect you.  Does he drop hints or make jokes about not wanting or not liking relationships? This is a red flag. Sometimes he could drop hints that he is only interested in a physical thing. If he is eager to get physical with you, to kiss and touch you he may only have one thing on his mind. Of course these days wanting a mere physical interchange isn’t considered wrong. But it could be wrong for some. Decide what kind of relationship you want. Otherwise, you may find you misinterpreted the situation and end up heartbroken. For more on interpreting the male of the species read, To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man: The Keys to Catch a Great Guy by Gregg Michaelsen.

Advice for Dating Over 50

Seniors-Dating

Advice for Dating Over 50

If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.

Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.

Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men by Lisa Copeland.

How do you know if you’re Just Settling?

Angry

How do you know if you’re Just Settling?

When we first get into someone there’s that tingly, rush of excitement we get down deep in the belly. We get caught in this electric net whenever we see them, or get a call or text message. But after a while a long-term relationship gets comfortable. About four or five years out experts say is when a lot of trouble begins. We all get caught up in our routines. Sometimes a relationship gets old and needs a little spicing up. At other times we are discovering our partner more deeply and with it more incongruities arise. They need to be dealt with or new channels of modes of communication are required in order to keep things moving when we get stuck on thorny issues. This can get tiresome. But then there are times when we are with someone where things don’t really fit. We put up with it because we want to be in a relationship or appreciate the person’s finer qualities, but just can’t get past this certain thing or set of things about them. So how do you know if you’re just settling or if this is a relationship that needs a little tweaking? How do you know when things need a little more work or you’re just settling?

Sometimes it’s a good idea to get away from your significant other, even if it’s just for a short time so they are not influencing you. If you can, spend time with yourself, clear your mind and try and see the relationship from another angle. Others like to talk to close friends or a mentor and get a beat on what they think. Sometimes a little insight from someone close to your heart is all you need to refresh your outlook. Then there are those people who simply draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper and list the good qualities of the relationship on one side and the bad qualities on the other. Evaluate how you feel generally with this person. Are they difficult to be around? Does respect dwell here? Is this relationship fulfilling most of the time? Does it make you happy? Is it weighing you down or lifting you up? Do you see no way of bringing it back? A relationship should bring out our best, not force us to seek solitude in work or other pursuits. If you feel more comfortable away from this person than in their presence, this is your sign.

What about your habits of mind? Are you constantly saying to yourself that your relationship isn’t that bad, and citing worse ones? Have you tried and tried again without any impact? What about the other person. Have they been trying to change and to communicate better to help bridge the gaps between you? Do you think if you wait it out, someday your partner will have a clue? Wishful wanting without any clear indication from the other partner is one of the symptoms of settling. Do you feel sorry for your partner? Usually, the person we love is one we respect, even admire. It’s hard to love someone you feel sorry for. There are those who stay in bad relationships simply because they are afraid of being alone. But then they have their own issues to work out which are coming through into the relationship. Today, we don’t have to stay with someone we don’t love. There are so many options no matter what your age, deal or preferences. Women especially may be prone to the settling syndrome. According to evolutionary anthropologists, women in the Stone Age settled because they may not have had the chance to mate again, being hunter-gatherers wandering in small bands. But in the modern age we have eHarmony and Tinder. So evaluate carefully. But realize that the answer may come, as all important ones do, when you least expect it. If you do decide to go down that road after healing read, How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back by Henry Cloud.

Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

reject

Getting a Male Friend to Stop Hitting on You

It can be awkward when a male friend hits on you. You hate to reject them because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or hurt your standing within your social circle. On the other hand, you don’t have any interest, or chemistry, so there’s no point in leading him on. It’ll just get worse down the line. How do you let them down gently, yet firmly enough so they won’t try again? Here are some ways to get a male friend to stop hitting on you. First, put a little space between you and him.

Cut out the smiles. Sometimes being friendly can be interpreted as flirty. Some guys see what they want. But don’t give him any ammunition. Why not introduce him to other, available women who might be interested in him? Perhaps he’s just in a dry streak and needs to meet someone new. Go through your rolodex or your phone. Check out your friends on Facebook. Be his matchmaker. When you go out, make it a mission to point out women who might be interested in him. You can kill two birds with one stone that way. Approach other women and tell them he thinks their cute and wants to say hello. Get him to buy women a drink at the bar.

If you want to turn him away, talk about other guys in front of him. The guy you’re dating, the guy at work you think is cute, your crush. It will turn him off and dampen his desire. When you get a text, pretend it’s a flirty or steamy one from the guy you are interested in. He may think the deal has been sealed and move on. Tell a story to him where a female friend of yours is being hit on by a guy who is her friend, and sound disgusted by it. See how he feels about that. Don’t hang out with him one-on-one. Instead, cancel when it occurs that way. Make up an excuse if you have to. Or invite others along to give you a cushion.

Don’t drive with him. Definitely don’t be alone in the car with him if you can help it. If you have to go in his car, bring another friend along and sit in the back seat. That sends a pretty clear message without being offensive. Be a little cold and distant if none of this works. He will back away from you. Once he gets the hint, he’ll stop hitting on you. He’ll understand borders. That awkwardness will fade. And hanging out with your friends will be fun again and carefree. For more advice read, The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman, Ph.D.

Are you the Chick on the Side?

woman-waiting-for-text

Are you the Chick on the Side?

Are you dating someone who is acting funny? There are lots of players out there. If you are looking for a long term relationship you don’t want to waste your time. And there are lots of smooth players out there that will make you feel as if you are the only one, when in reality they are balancing a bunch of different girls at one time. So what are the warning signs? How do you know when you are the chick on the side?

First, have you ever been invited to his place? Do you even know where he lives? It’s okay if you two have just started dating. But after a couple of months or so, if you haven’t seen where a guy lives it’s just plain weird. He may live with someone or he has so many girls in and out that he doesn’t want to risk someone leaving something and tipping off one of his dates. He could also live with a woman and he’s afraid of tipping her off. He could also be embarrassed by where he lives, especially if you make more than him. What about his social networking sites? Are you two friends on Facebook, Twitter and so on? If not, does he have some excuse why not or does he say he doesn’t use these sites? If so, he may not want his main squeeze to be aware of you, so he locks down his sites or, if he’s a player, doesn’t use them for anyone but his closest inner circle to keep from being caught.

Is your guy territorial about his phone? If he takes all his calls in another room, turns the volume way down so you can’t hear it, and always has it locked than he may have someone else. He knows that his phone is one of the weak points, and an easy way to get caught, and so has minimized the chance of you overhearing something that will break the whole thing wide open. Does this guy make time for you? If he only texts you late at night, is always busy, and calls and texts intermittently, sometimes days later, then you are probably the chick on the side. A man makes time for the woman he’s interested in. So if he’s acting this way he is making time for her, not for you. If he has a really busy schedule however, he’s in medical school, receiving intense training, or some other career that is hogging all of his time, or if he’s an intense workaholic perhaps he’s committed to his job rather than another woman. Then you have to discover whether or not you can date someone who has limited time to spend on the relationship.

Does your guy plan everything out? If you want to meet unplanned for a lunch date, or you invite him somewhere right out of the blue can he go? If all of your dates are planned days or even weeks in advance, if he is never available on the fly this is bad news. He probably has to lie to his main squeeze to see you and can’t get away. Plan something spontaneous and enticing and see if he takes the bate or still refuses. Look for more than one warning sign. See if you can catch him. Or ask him directly if he’s seeing someone else. Don’t waste your time with someone who won’t make you the focus of his love life. Find someone who will. You are so worth it. For more advice read, Don’t Hate the Player, Learn the Game: How to Spot Ineligible Eligible Bachelors by Lyn Lewis, Ph.D.