Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts

texts

Use a Pro to get your Ex’s Texts

We all know how important texting has become in our love lives. Now they are becoming weighty evidence in divorce proceedings according to a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Text messaging was present in the top three forms of electronic evidence used in divorce court today. But getting texts for your attorney can be difficult. You can either read them off the phone directly, or perhaps write them down for yourself.

The second method is to have them taken off the phone. This can be done even after the messages have been deleted. If there is some type of access code for security purposes, bypassing that would make the texts inadmissible in court according to John Simek, Vice President of a Virginia based computer security company called Sensei Enterprises, Inc. It’s like the difference between a suitcase that is open and one that is locked. Of this Simek said, “Then there is an expectation of privacy, and you’d better not be blowing by it.” Also understand that cell phone providers don’t store any messages on their end. So don’t go snooping in that direction, you’ll come up empty.

This is where you can use a trained pro to get your ex’s texts. According to Simek, a text message usually stays on the provider’s servers for about two weeks. But a case has to be filed before a security company can go in there and get a text. Otherwise, they have no leg to stand on legally. Searching the actual phone is really the best way to get at texts says Simek. Once a text has been deleted however, it can be hard to retrieve. Computer forensics companies can use several methods to try and retrieve these text messages. BitPim , Sim Card Seizure,  or Paraben Device Seizure are some of the methods used. Keep your fingers crossed.

“Normally it’s pretty volatile, these text messages,” says Simek. How your phone overwrites memory comes into play. But the forensics company will go through all of the internal organs of the phone to see if they can grab a hold of the steamy text your ex sent to their lover. These special software extractions can even get the date and time, important information where court is concerned. Some of the software programs even get inside the phone and take a photo of the text. These companies can even testify in court on how the text was extracted.  So the next time you have a text that can help pay off in divorce court, look up your local computer forensic security company. They may be able to ensure you get your hands on it, and your lawyer does too. For more assistance with evidence seeking read, The Everything Private Investigation Book: Master the Techniques of the Pros to Examine Evidence, Track down People, and Discover the Truth by Sheila L. Stephens.

Humans can Detect Potential Cheaters in Minutes

200290377-001

Humans can Detect Potential Cheaters in Minutes

Some people detect infidelity right away. Others stay in relationships for years and can’t see what is right in front of them. But those on the outside always know, don’t they?  As bizarre as it sounds, a new study out of Florida State University supports this. Lead author Dr. Nathaniel Lambert, an assistant professor at Brigham Young University’s School of Family Life, told the Huffington Post, “People can determine whether complete strangers were cheaters or non-cheaters by simply watching them interact for a short period of time.” 51 undergraduates participated in the study. Each one completed a questionnaire asking them about their own relationship, and if any physical or emotional infidelity had occurred. Then they were put together with their significant other. A video was taken of each couple interacting for a total of four minutes. Six strangers were then shown a video and asked how likely it was that each student would cheat. It turned out the student’s self-reported cheating correlated with the stranger’s evaluations, according to researchers. Then a second experiment was conducted. This time, 43 couples and five strangers took part. Here, the same phenomenon occurred, strangers were able to pick out cheaters accurately, far better than chance would allow.

The director of FSU’s Family Institute and co-author of this study, Dr. Frank Fincham said more research is needed to explain how and why this phenomenon occurs. In an email Fincham explained it could exist, “Possibly because it confers an evolutionary advantage.” From the Stone Age viewpoint, if we know someone is a cheater we don’t have offspring with them. We don’t spend energy or hard-won resources providing for and protecting offspring that aren’t ours. The results of this study can be found in September’s issue of the journal Personal Relationships. So what are some ways you can tell whether or not your partner is cheating? Even if friends or strangers haven’t pointed it out to you, a drastic change in behavior will tip you off. Have they started wearing perfume or cologne, or taken a new interest in their appearance? If someone goes from mostly slovenly to all-of-a-sudden stylish, be suspicious. If you ask them where they have been and they begin acting defensive or sensitive, or evade normal questions like who they were with and what they were doing, it might pay to take a closer look at what is going on.

Are you allowed near their phone or computer, or are they off-limits to you? They may be doing it for more than just a need for privacy. Is your partner no longer interested in physical intimacy? Or are they lately giving you far more than before? A sudden change can mean something is up. But usually a drop off is a red flag, signaling that they may be having their needs met elsewhere. Do not accuse your partner of cheating without some sort of evidence. Otherwise, they will just deny it. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Instead, think about the relationship. What might be causing them to go astray? Do you suspect someone as their lover? Have you two been fighting a lot lately? Has your relationship lost intimacy? Or is it something else? Confide in a close friend or confidant to see what they have observed or how they feel about your relationship. If you are in a serious relationship, you should be able to discuss things without one or both of you flying off the handle. Pick a time and date when you two have free time and aren’t preoccupied. When you are ready, sit down with them and tell them about the troubling behavior. However, you can always be direct. Let them know there are certain things you have noticed lately. Ask for their side of the story. Listen carefully. Are your fears unfounded? What is the reason, if they have strayed? If infidelity has been committed, the next step is to see if you want to repair the relationship, or cut your ties. There will be a lot of talking and soul searching at this point. Certainly some relationships, even marriages have come back stronger. Infidelity was a wakeup call. But for many it spells the end. The trick is, repairing trust. That can take a long time and a lot of energy. You both have to decide whether or not it is worth it. It could be too, they aren’t cheating and your suspicions are unfounded. For how to tell the difference pick up a copy of,  How to Catch a Cheating Spouse: Learn How You Can Quickly & Easily Catch Your Spouse Cheating The Right Way Even If You’re a Beginner by Jackie Tell.

Key Warning signs a Man is Cheating

men-fall-asleep

Key Warning signs a Man is Cheating

Want to know if your man is cheating? According to a new book by best-selling relationship author and TV show DAYTIME love life adviser Lisa Daily, there are key warning signs to watch out for to see whether or not he is cheating. In her new book Is He Cheating? : Crack the Cheat Code and Find out Right Now if He is Cheating or Not, Why He Cheats, and What You Need to Do Next, she elaborates on the warning signs. This may be a timely book. A recent study out of Indiana University found that infidelity rates are rising. According to Daily, she wrote this latest book at the request of thousands of women who wrote her letters asking her why men cheat and what to do about it. According to Daily, “The scenarios are different, but the fear and worry and heartbreak are always the same. After a while, I started noticing that there were very specific patterns in the behavior of the men who were cheating. Once I began researching infidelity behavior in-depth, I realized there was a definite and predictable pattern to men’s affairs — everything from what they told their wives and girlfriends to where they stashed the evidence. This ‘cheat code’ of utterly predictable cheating behavior became the basis of “Is He Cheating?

Men who generally cheat according to Daily drive more aggressively, love horror movies, are doctors or lawyers or in some other power position and often fall asleep right after sex. Daily says the worst sign however is “The pre-paid cell phone or secret SIM card.” Daily covers how to snoop and where to look for clues, how to safeguard a relationship from infidelity and the biggest mistakes women make when confronting their man about the subject. Women can hardly function when they fear their mate isn’t faithful says the author. “Infidelity affects women profoundly — the fear, stress, and worry that their partner is cheating spreads like a cancer to every other area of their lives, affecting their jobs, their friendships, their self-esteem, and their children. Until women find out the truth, their lives just continue to unravel. Once you find the first piece of proof, his entire story starts to fall apart. And that’s the first step to getting the resolution you need.” Certainly women are capable of running their own lives without being crushed by a problem in their love life. Still, Daily’s advice should help lots of women who are wondering over and over again and can’t make heads or tails over whether there man is cheating or if there is something else going on.

Myths about Oxytocin, the “Love Hormone”

Head and heart

Nasal sprays line pharmacy shelves listing oxytocin as a powerful “love hormone” that according to the myths will stop your husband from cheating, make you more social and even cure autism. The truth is scientists are still doing research on this biochemical that is released during sex and other times of human bonding and produces what scientists call the “calm and cuddle” response as opposed to “fight or flight” that is induced by adrenaline. Physical contact such as having sex, holding hands and others release oxytocin in the brain. Oxytocin makes us feel closer and more connected with others. The biologist who discovered oxytocin’s connection with social behavior C. Sue Carter says of the love hormone, “It affects your emotions more than your thoughts — not you’re conscious thinking, but how you feel.” Though it has been known to medical science for quite some time developments in our understanding of oxytocin have deepened significantly as of late. Some of these breakthroughs have had unanticipated myths. The first is that oxytocin can curb male infidelity. Though one study showed that in a happy relationship experiencing more oxytocin kept their space from other attractive women, there is to date no conclusive evidence that oxytocin prevents infidelity.

According to one study men in happy, committed relationships had slightly higher levels of oxytocin than single men. The amount is insignificant. Furthermore a hug from a stranger releases just as much oxytocin as one from a spouse. A biologist and oxytocin researcher Idan Shalev said of this phenomenon, “The media like to describe this as a way of predicting who’s going to cheat. But the correlation is really, really limited.” Another hormone that has been overlooked, vasopressin, may need to be present as well for oxytocin to work. The second myth is that oxytocin increases one’s sociability. One makes more contact, is more trusting and can read other people’s emotions better when experiencing more oxytocin in their brain chemistry. As Shalev describes it, “In general, when we’ve given oxytocin to subjects, we’ve seen that they’re more attuned to other people and social stimuli.” But the effect has been overblown, so much so that there are parties where people take oxytocin to be more social, some people take it before dates and there’s even a product on the market called Liquid Trust to spray in order to give a room a “more trustworthy vibe.” Just spraying it willy-nilly into a room won’t work for starters. According to Shalev, “…you need to directly inhale it to get it into the brain.” In addition, it helps you pick up on people’s emotion, whether positive or negative. And someone’s negative emotions can ruin the vibe. Lastly, there is no evidence currently that oxytocin cures autism. We don’t know what the effects are. So the next time you see an add or the spray on the pharmacy shelf, know that what their advertising is not what consumers are getting. To learn more about how oxytocin really works, as well as other chemicals in the brain, read Meet Your Happy Chemicals: Dopamine, Endorphin, Oxytocin, Serotonin by Loretta Graziano Breuning, Ph.D.

Don’t Date a Promise Breaker

asking-forgiveness

Are you dating someone who had a promise to you and let you down, multiple times? It makes you feel completely disrespected. It shows absolutely no regard for you whatsoever. You need to face this person and deal with them. But believe it or not, it’s also just as important to forgive them if not for any other reason than to give you some closure. If you’ve been stood up, or repeatedly had someone you’re dating say they are going to do something but fail to follow through, realize that you don’t have to put up with this behavior. You deserve to be respected, and you deserve to be with someone who follows through when they give their word. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. If there isn’t any trust than a healthy relationship cannot occur. You need to let this person go. Consider whether or not they have someone else in their life, too. Are they being so inconsistent due to trying to hide the fact that they have another person in their life? Look into this more closely. They could just be unreliable. Either way, it’s not the type of relationship you or anyone deserves. So seek a real answer, an apology and closure. But do not even consider moving forward in this relationship. Think of it as being already over.

Give the person a chance to explain themselves, but make sure they have evidence to their claims. Do they have a sick relative or child to take care of? Do they have a medical condition they are dealing with themselves? Are there financial or other considerations? Hear them out. But if there were extenuating circumstances, why didn’t they just let you know from the beginning? They could have trusted you and have been honest from the beginning. Instead, they hid it from you. And is that how they will act whenever something uncomfortable comes up in your relationship? Consider this carefully. If they have no excuse but are exceedingly charming, don’t let them butter you up or wear you down. Remember how it made you feel when they stood you up. Who do they think they are? You aren’t some plaything. You are a human being who deserves respect. Before you confront them, visualize how you expect the situation to go down. What do you picture them saying? Is it true? What evidence do you have that undermines their position? Confront them for real. Don’t let them worm their way out of it. If they refuse to apologize, take that as closure enough and move on. For more guidance on how to move on and forgive a promise breaker, read the advice of Eric Watterson in his book, I Forgive You: Why You Should Always Forgive.