How to Give a Guilt Trip

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Did your spouse or significant other really mess up and it’s time for them to make amends? If you are planning to stay with this person and you want to send the message loud and clear, give them a guilt trip. This is a powerful tool that can crumble the seemingly hardest of hearts. It’s not to be used lightly, only in serious situations. But if you’ve never given one before you really should learn how to do it right, in order to have the best chance of success. Read carefully so you know how to give a guilt trip properly. It’s not for the faint of heart. First, really evaluate the situation. What is the offense exactly and how is your romantic partner likely to respond to it? What will they say? Make sure you have a good grasp on how things will go down. Make sure the two of you are alone when you meet. Do not act upset. Pretend there isn’t anything wrong. Bring up the issue in conversation. Make it sound casual. Just that you wanted to clarify about what had happened, but that it was no big deal. Make sure you are relaxed and cool when you deliver your side of the story. Say it matter-of-factly. If you get emotional they will stop listening and think of how to respond. You want them to digest the information carefully.

Bring up other issues in the past, transgressions this person has done to make you feel a similar way. This probably isn’t the only time they’ve let you down. If it is, you are using a guilt trip too early. Make sure to keep eye contact with them while you are telling them these things so that it drives your point home. Ask them if anyone else has ever done it to them. This will conjure up the same feelings in them hopefully as you feel. Then ask rhetorical questions like “What were you thinking?” At this time they will probably come forward with a litany of excuses as to why they acted the way they did. Don’t let up. This was the part you prepared for. Instead, debunk every answer that they give you. When they run out, you have them. Expect an apology. Have in mind what this person can do to make up for what they did. Make plans to make sure this doesn’t happen again in the future. When it comes time, forgive them wholeheartedly and let them know that you do. Everyone makes mistakes. As long as they are willing to make up for them and learn from them then it should be okay. To learn more about guilt and its role in relationships, read the teachings of June Price Tangney and Ronda L. Dearing in their book, Shame and Guilt.

Ladies, don’t get Angry at Him for These

Man holding clothes by a changing room

Women seem to be connected to natural forces that men fail to understand, or have any notion of. This is true with human behavior, child rearing, all the many places woman’s intuition seems to make an appearance, and more. But they are also more emotional than men. Guys in the know expect a certain amount of friction when a disagreement comes up. But there are certain situations where a woman gets mad at her guy when she shouldn’t. Ladies, don’t get angry at him for these. You will look wrong and be wrong. Instead, take a deep breath, step back and reevaluate how you feel. You’ll see where he’s coming from, and your relationship will sail forward much more smoothly. When he tells you that you are being unreasonable even though it seems impossible, try to calm down and believe him. Nothing generally makes a woman angrier. It’s like throwing a lit match into a field of dry grass. Guys normally don’t say this unless he and others around you believe it. So do your best to keep it together. Or else go scream in the ladies room and then come back. The truth is, whoever you are dating notices how you act at the worst moments. They wonder, will she have my back when things get rough? Or will I end up consoling her and mitigating the situation all at once? No one wants a victim to save when they can have a partner at their side instead. Think about it.

If you are on a diet, trying to quit smoking, or keeping yourself from something and you decide to instead indulge a teensy bit, and he tries to keep you from it or remind you just because he cares, don’t lash out at him for taking that tiny little moment of naughty bliss away. See if from his point of view. You told him you were doing this and he is trying to be supportive. Men can’t always tell the delicate nuances or little battles going on in your head. So realize this, take a deep breath, and don’t get mad. Thank him for being there for you. Then let him know you are cheating just this once. Or cheat with your girlfriends instead. Don’t freak out if your boyfriend is still friends with his ex. It may drive you crazy, thinking that she wants him to be with her. But there isn’t much you can do about it. And if you complain it will give her fuel to whisper about you in his ear. He may even label you controlling. Just take a deep breath and pretend it doesn’t bother you. Rise above. Don’t get mad when one of your friends is acting like a fool, and instead of ignoring it and hoping it would go away as is your tactic, he takes a stand against them. What kind of friend are you to let them get away with that? Also realize that your guy has a great sense of justice, is brave, and isn’t afraid to speak out for what is right. You should be proud of him and proud to date him. Lastly, if you bring your guy somewhere he isn’t interested in being, and he looks completely disinterested but is there to support you, don’t get mad. Sigh and realize that this isn’t his scene. If he’s making a good effort then understand that he’s making that effort for you. Appreciate it. For more insight on the way men behave in certain situations, read the advice of Jay Simcic in his book, Mancode Secrets Revealed- Relationship Advice For Women.

Signs She’s Immature

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Are you dating someone and you think she’s not mature enough for you? Sure, at the outset of dating a woman this isn’t always on the top of your priority list. But as things move along a little you start to notice things about the woman you’re dating and if she has what you’d consider qualities capable of coming along for the long haul. Not only are you looking for a woman who has that spark, you want someone who is going to help you move up, not hold you back. And an immature woman can be quite a hassle. But how can you tell if she’s just girlish, playful, coquettish, or downright immature? First, if she’s offering to fight, slap, confront, or get even with some other girl, she is way too immature for you. It isn’t cute or funny and it’s going to cause a lot of trouble in the end. She may also be the type that flies off the handle over little things, or is a cry baby. If you want a headache, date this woman. She’s too immature for you. Start putting space between you and her right away, or else she’ll suck you into her conflicts. Or you’ll be a constant shoulder to cry on. If you’ve noticed that all of her conflicts are dealt with in a passive-aggressive manner, you might want to pass her by, too. It’s better, but do you really want to be in a relationship where she gives you the cold shoulder, or snide little remarks start creeping in?

Women whom you’ve noticed have dated a series of bad boys, or guys that were no good for them. They are usually warned by those around them that care about them. But she usually goes back to the same guy, or dates a carbon copy of him. Steer clear of her. She may be fun for a while. But if you get emotionally invested, unless she’s changed, you’re going to get your heart broken when the next tough guy rolls into town. Look out for the shopaholic. The woman who buys everything and anything and never has any money. Managing money carefully is a mature act. As is staving off what you want for what you need. If she can’t pay rent but has more shoes than a shoe store, back away. Those money problems will quickly become yours. Unless you have the net worth and a carefree spirit, shake yourself loose pronto. If she has kids, pay careful attention to how she treats them. Does she drop them off at her parents, the neighbors, the in-laws, or her babysitters constantly? Is it to do selfish personal things? If so, she’s way too immature for you. Not only that but she’s self-absorbed and has horrible parenting skills. Steer clear of these behaviors and seek to find a woman who is mature, holds you up, is interesting, has a great sense of humor, and who helps you and fulfills you in more ways than one. She’s not so easy to find, but she’s out there. You’ll see. For more guidance on how to find the right woman for you, try reading the advice  of Bruce Bryans in his book, Attract The Right Girl: How To Find Your Perfect Girl And Make Her Chase You For A Relationship.

Open Relationships Can Fulfill Needs

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Some people always order the same thing when they go to a restaurant. They know what they like and it makes them happy. Others need a little variety. They can’t go to a restaurant without trying something new. Some psychologists and relationship gurus believe that love may be the same. Some people are meant to be together with one person forever. Others need different people for variety or to fulfill different needs. Those who tout open relationships say that when done right, this practice can help people stay together and live more fulfilled lives. Sex educator Tristan Taormino has written a book on the subject entitled, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Non-monogamists argue that the one true love concept is a myth. Instead they seek out different partners to fulfill sexual, emotional, psychological, and financial needs. Usually, it seems that a married couple takes part in the practice, though cohabitators may get involved, too. And generally it seems that the couples have each other for financial, emotional and psychological fulfillment, but also stray outside of their own bedroom for physical fulfilment. Practitioners say that this is not the simplest route for couples to go on.

Besides the book there are clubs, associations, blogs and other resources if you and your significant other are interested in an open relationship. It is certainly not for everyone. The couple has to make certain accommodations and tread lightly as to not make the other jealous. They must have a strong and deep emotional bond. If one partner is keen on the idea and the other is not, problems can ensue and a breakup may be inevitable. You have to make sure both people are on the same page. If one is just going along to satisfy the other, they will come to believe that person just wanted an excuse to cheat on them. The right couple is one thing, where both people are in the proper mindset. But the right approach is also important. That’s why reading this book, looking for expert advice, and discussing it in depth is important before moving forward. Other issues should be worked out such as safe sex, pregnancy, what is too far, whether or not you discuss your exploits with your spouse or significant other, and so on.

How to get Close to a Woman

man flirting with woman

Are you a nice guy who has a hard time picking up women? Are you shy? You just don’t stick out but instead you blend into the crowd? There is an art to getting close to a woman. Even guys who get a lot of phone numbers often fail at moving things along to the next level. They fizzle out over the phone and don’t even land the first date. If you want staying power you will want to read on. This doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself, your style, or your personality in any way. It’s just some techniques to get noticed and start dating. You may not become a heartbreaker overnight. But you will have a solid technique down if you are interested in someone and want to get to know her better. The first thing you need to know is that men and women find different things attractive. Of course everyone likes personality. But when we talk in generalities men are attracted to physicality, a woman’s health and beauty. This comes from our biological and genetic origins. It means she will bear healthy offspring. Women on the other hand are attracted to power, status, and a dynamic personality.  If you want to get closer to that special girl you’ve been daydreaming about, you’ll need to accentuate at least one of these traits in order to get her attention.

Being charming is far more important than being good looking, and a lot easier and cheaper to change, develop, or enhance. Women are emotional beings, far more than men. So if you want to get close to her, you need to connect on an emotional level. First, make sure you look the part. Dress to impress, but keep it in your style. Just amp it up a little bit. At least one impressive outfit should be yours. Make sure you are nice, kind and polite to the people around you. Arguing or fighting is not an attractive quality and will in fact repel the very person you are trying to attract. Don’t try to be like other men. Most guys walk up to a woman, wing it and fumble. Instead, ignore the object of your affection. Talk to everyone around her. Ignore her entreaties of conversation. Do not laugh at her jokes. She will be drawn to you. And she’ll be driving herself nuts inside wondering why you are acting this way. Next approach her in some light conversation. Be witty. Make her laugh. Be a little mysterious if you can. But make sure to be yourself. Be confident but not arrogant. Don’t tell her your whole life story up front. Instead, tell her a little something about yourself and then talk about her all night. Let her feel safe around you. Open the door for her, buy her a drink, and dance with her if you feel comfortable. Now take her somewhere special, a little coffee shop, a dessert place, some little place you know. Make it the best place in the world. They have the most amazing (blank) you just have to try. If she can’t or won’t come, get her phone number, so that you can take her there next time, on your first date. Don’t wait, text her the next day and nail down a date. That’s it. You two will be chatting it up over that amazing thing and you’ll be thinking “I can’t believe this worked.” You can learn more about how to attract women through books, such as The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Woman You Want by Richard La Ruina.