Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

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Find out What Kind of Guy he really is

Manipulation is always thought of as a negative thing. The truth of the matter is that we manipulate each other all of the time. We sweet talk the boss into giving us more time on a task. We try and convince the cop not to give us a ticket even though we know we were speeding. We try to get our roommate to do our chores when we are short on time and high on assignments. The point is that finding out how people tick and using it to your advantage is fine, depending upon your intention and if it hurts the person in the end.

Of course you shouldn’t be callous and mean. No one should manipulate someone into a bad position just so they can rise in consequence. But there are normal interactions between people that can be looked at as manipulation that are really okay, like when a girl decides that she’d like to be settling down. You don’t want to waste time dating guys where the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Nor do you want to get emotionally invested in someone who will end up letting you down. Instead, here are some things you can do to find out what kind of guy he really is.

Not on the first date, but early in the relationship if you want to see if he’s a male chauvinist or insecure, wear heels. When you are tall and sexy and sticking out, he’ll have to deal with you. Watch how he takes it. If he’s laid back, cool, confident and aloof, he wins points. When he thinks he’s going to get lucky, play sick and see how he reacts. Does he get angry? Does he leave? Or does he try to take care of you or offer to keep you company? One trick some women try is to elicit the help of her sexiest girlfriend. She sends her out there to try to pick up her boyfriend. If he goes for it then he isn’t the one for you. The disadvantage to this strategy is that many a girl gets dumped by both her boyfriend and her friend, who end up together. So watch how that one might play out.

Fake a catastrophe in your life and see how he reacts. Does he back away or offer to help? If he’s really into you he will do anything to help you. But if he isn’t so emotionally invested he will make an excuse and get out of there. This separates the players from boyfriend material. You will also find whether or not he’s got leadership qualities. If he starts managing the crisis instead of kowtowing to your wishes then you now know his relationship style and how he operates in a crisis. Handling one of life’s disasters smashingly is one of those top relationship qualities for the long haul. Just be careful. Or else you’ll get stuck in one of those sitcom situations where awkwardness for you and comedy for everyone else ensues. For more advice read, How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist: (and if he is, should you break up with him?) by Patricia Carlin.

Stop Abusive Calls

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Stop Abusive Calls

Sometimes love turns sour. Either you dated the wrong person, or they seemed okay but turned on you. Either way, you are receiving awful phone calls from them. You want them stopped. But getting them to stop making abusive phone calls is easier said than done. The first thing you want to do is, when you receive an abusive call, don’t yell back or respond in any way. This is what the caller is looking for. He or she will feed off of it. Don’t hang up automatically either. You’ll just enrage them more and they’ll call back in a fury. Instead, just leave the phone unattended for a while. Then hang it up. They will get tired of this and the calls will stop.

If they don’t, start keeping a log of what time and day each call occurred. Is there a pattern? This will give you information to pass along when you contact the police. Remember you can dial *69 and report the abuse. Remember to explain the entire situation and ask for what the options are. Should you follow up? You may need to fill out a restraining order, or go to the precinct. Abusive calls are a criminal offense. Perhaps mention your intentions to the caller in an effort to get them to stop. But if they don’t, be prepared to follow through.

Another place to call is your phone service provider. They may have a policy for dealing with such calls. They may be able to identify the number this person is calling from in order to block it. Or they may give you instructions on how to block it yourself. You may be able to block the number yourself too by dialing *77 if it’s a private number. If you call back but can’t get through or don’t get an answer, it’s likely the person has blocked their own number to avoid being identified. Never give out any personal information over the phone. The person who is calling and harassing you may have some plot, or could have elicited the help of a friend. In any event, unless you are sure of the person on the other line or they have somehow identified that they are who they say they are, or represent who they say they do, don’t give out your social security number, banking information, home address or any information that can be used to hack accounts, steal your identity or the like.

You may want to change your number, or make your number unlisted which means it won’t end up on whitepages.com or any other sites, and won’t show up in the phone book. Even if when they are caught they make it look like just a prank or no big deal, go through with pressing charges. Otherwise, they are likely to do it again. But if they feel the full bite of punishment they are unlikely to do it again, and it will send a message to others not to mess with you. Protect yourself. Abusive calls can be really obnoxious, even scary. But if you take these steps they’ll soon be a thing of the past. For more advice read, Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD and Randi Kreger.

Convincing a Relative to Leave an Abusive Spouse

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Convincing a Relative to Leave an Abusive Spouse

It’s horrible when you find out a relative of yours is in an abusive marriage or relationship. You can feel so helpless. On the one hand, you want to say something so badly. On the other, you are afraid that they will resent you for trying to break them up, or merely swear nothing is wrong and distance themselves from you. This is a delicate matter which must be approached correctly, and with finesse. One way to handle it is to get them alone. Talk to them about your own relationship. If you are single, talk about your parents, a sibling, anyone else’s relationship. Talk about positive things that their spouse or significant other did for that person, or how they handle fights by communicating so well.

Get them to open up about their relationship. With enough details they should start to compare and come to the conclusion that something isn’t right. Don’t push and don’t expect that they will come to this conclusion the first time. Instead, keep trying to drop subtle hints without coming right out and saying it. If this doesn’t work, you may have to have an intervention. The problem with this kind of relationship is that the spouse is so manipulative they make them think that the spouse needs them and eventually that they cannot live without the spouse.

Be careful as his or her behavior may not be counted on. They may lash out at you at times, get depressed, even miss the spouse who is abusing them. Be patient with your relative. Remind them why this is happening. Get them away from it all to a place where they can relax and have fun. Give them chances to show what they know and help them to build self-esteem. In many abusive relationships, one spouse beats down the other for so long, that they can feel worthless. Give them little goals and celebrate it when they reach them. Give them space if they need it. But let them know that you will be there for them, no matter what.

In terms of safety, get your relative to a safe place like a battered woman’s shelter, or to live with you or another relative without contact with the abusive spouse. If need be, have them contact the authorities. Make sure that they get the help that they need. Your relative should start therapy if and when they are ready. The town or city can direct you to free services in your area.  Take heart, your relative will get through this. They will thank you and will be so grateful that they had you and other good people to get them through this difficult time. And someday they will meet someone who treats them right. If you’re trapped in an abusive relationship read, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel.

Common Mistakes Fathers make in Divorce

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Common Mistakes Fathers make in Divorce

Lots of men are angry and hurt when faced with divorce papers. Due to these emotions, fathers make common mistakes in the divorce process and end up hurting their wallets, their children, even themselves. With a little forethought and preparation you can avoid these hazards and help make the transition as smooth as possible for you and your children.

Lots of guys for instance use litigation as a force for revenge. They drive up the cost as a tactic to try to make their ex crack. Everyone in the process suffers because of it and you come out looking like the bad guy. Some states even have laws against this. If you purposely make moves in order to drive up the cost you could be hit with a pretty hefty fine. Instead, think of your overall goals. Don’t be led astray by an attorney who would want to take part in such practices. Do your research and pick an attorney that’s right for you. Keep your emotions in check and don’t use the legal process as a vindictive device, or a way to throw a temper tantrum.

Another problem lots of men make is financially stretching themselves too thin. There is alimony, child support, and your own expenses. You could easily work yourself to death and not get anywhere in the process. Make sure you plan out your financial goals and strategy with an attorney, perhaps even an accountant. Having a financial game plan in place will help you manage your life properly. You’ll also want to consult with an attorney concerning your goals in regards to your children. Do you want joint custody, visitation or what? Know what you are aiming for, what is reasonable, what emotional state your ex is in and what she will likely go for. The most important thing of course is the children. But a lot of couples get caught in trying to hurt one another and the kids get caught in the middle.

That said, it’s also important not to give in too much and miss out on having the kids in your life. Children need love, support and attention from both parents regularly. Don’t compromise them out of your life. Do not use the children as leverage in any way. Not only is this despicable it will hurt your relationship with them. Lastly, don’t let child support payments pile up unattended. Or else, with penalties and fees, you’ll soon find yourself in the poor house. For more advice read, Fathers’ Rights: Hard-Hitting and Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute by Jeffery M. Leving and Kenneth A. Dachman, Ph.D.

Crazy Things Women Think when he doesn’t Text Back

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Crazy Things Women Think when he doesn’t Text Back

With today’s communication technology we are all interconnected 24/7. That said, our expectations for communication have become very high. No one is patient anymore, waiting for someone to get back to them. But women are particularly anxious when it comes to their guys getting back to them. They start to wonder. And if she’s a worrier, it’s even worse. Here are some crazy things women think when he doesn’t text back within her expected amount of time given. Some women at first check to see if the phone is working. 

“Am I getting signal?” she asks herself, even though she’s been in this very location so many times, and it’s always been crystal clear. If another of her friends text her, she gets excited and picks up the phone, only to be disappointed that it isn’t him. If she’s the jealous type, she may use some colorful language to describe him, or wonder who he is with. Is it his ex? That new, cute girl in his office? Has he even turned his phone off as to not be disturbed when he’s with her? He could be with his friends, talking about how many girls he’s with, and reading that text out loud, laughing at her. She’s ready to get her girlfriends together for an emergency ladies night out to lift her spirits. But then she comes to a point where she thinks a horrible thing has happened, such as that he got in an accident, she’ll feel guilty and upset with herself for all the bad things that crossed her mind only moments before.

At this point she may start blowing up his phone, texting over and over again until he answers. She decides she’ll just rush over there, just to make sure everything is alright. On the way over she considers buying him a car charger and a GPS tracker for his phone so she can keep tabs on him, just in these sorts of emergencies. If she doesn’t find him there, she figures he’s playing head games. Now she’s going to wait just as long to reply to one of his texts. Now she is analyzing every moment of the relationship up until this point. She wonders if he’ll even bother to call ever again. Now she’s really mad. She doesn’t have any time for him now. She doesn’t want to hear any excuse and is sure that he’s acting like a child. Lastly, she checks again to see if her text really went though. If you are a guy reading this, try to respond to her text in a timely manner. It shows you’re considerate and you care. Answer every one of her texts too. If you’re a lady, realize that your man gets busy sometimes. Things happen to his phone. If it happens often, he doesn’t care. Get yourself a guy who does. For more advice read, Text. Love. Power. The Ultimate Girls Relationship Guide for Texting and Dating in the New Millennium by Vanessa Taylor.