Why Jerks Win in Dating and What You Can Learn

DATING

Why Jerks Win in Dating and What You Can Learn

Have you been beaten out to a beautiful, angelic creature by a self-absorbed creep? Or are you a gal wondering why yet again you chose the narcissist over the good guy? Why do jerks seem to knock it out of the park more times than not at dating while good guys only seem to warm benches? It’s not rocket science. It really comes down to interaction. Here’s why jerks win in dating and what you can learn from them. First, jerks aren’t afraid to get shot down. Good guys are wracked with insecurity about it. But when you experience it, the truth is your imagination is way worse than what happens in real life. Next, they don’t care about hurting the other person’s feelings. Nice guys watch their step. But some of them walk on eggshells. The truth is women want someone whose desire for them causes the suitor to overstep normal boundaries. It’s better to be passionate and risk being rude than being polite but not making your desire clear. Jerks are entertaining. While nice guys can be dull. When going on a date, ramp up the charm, that’s a great way for a good guy to get his passion across in an interesting way, and one he’s comfortable with.  Why not add an air of mystery? Don’t tell her where you’re going on a date. Give her clues and keep her guessing. Be entertaining and you won’t lose out to a jerk.

A jerk keeps women on their toes. A nice guy doesn’t. A woman wants to be enchanted, taste a little danger or risk; she wants to know the guy she’s with is desirable and knows his worth. In fact, you could make her work a little bit to win you over. But if she gets too comfortable, she may get bored and then you’re back to square one. Occasionally turn the tables on her. Make her work for it. Surprise her. And keep her on her toes. Make your love worth something. If you give it too quickly or too freely than it’s worth less. Jerks don’t keep you guessing. You know where you stand with them. You know what they want. Nice guys sometimes beat around the bush for what they want. And if a woman is crossing the line he’s apt to let her go. But a jerk will hold her to task. A woman doesn’t want to be put on a pedestal. She wants to be challenged occasionally. So challenge her. It doesn’t have to be in a malicious way. Put her on notice when she’s crossed the line. But be direct and let her know what needs and desires you want her to fulfill, too. Chances are her interest will be piqued rather than decreased. Jerks aren’t afraid to be themselves. And a nice guy shouldn’t be afraid either. Utilize these and you can be nice and still get the girl; every good guy’s dream come true. For more advice, read The Guide to Picking up Girls by Gabe Fischbarg.

A Kiss that will Make Her Swoon

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A Kiss that will Make Her Swoon

Guys, do you want your kisses to be so powerful her knees give out? Ladies, do you want your man to give you such kisses? Certainly you may already be or have a guy that already has top shelf kissing techniques. But everyone gets a little rusty sometimes and what better way to reignite that spark or pump up the passion than with some new lip locking moves? Keep the ER on standby because here is how to kiss that will make her swoon and run back for more. First, evaluate your kissing. How strong is it? How passionate? What turns a woman on more than anything is being desired. Let your kisses show your desire and adoration. She wants to be kissed slowly, longingly, with depth and meaning. Conjure up the feelings you have for her, the want and need and desire you have and let those pour forth through your kisses. She’ll feel it all the way down to her knees if instead of kissing her perfunctorily, as some situations call for, when the time and mood are right, surprise her. Pull her in when she least expects it. Don’t give her time to react or she may pull away, or ask “What are you doing?” Even if she does this, whisper to her, “You’ll see” or “Go with it.” A kiss shouldn’t be planned. It should be a spontaneous explosion of love that takes her by surprise, or builds in anticipation like slowly filling a balloon until it bursts.

If you are just getting together and shy or unsure when the time is right, work slowly into it. Be aloof but confident. Get closer and closer to her. Let her feel your body heat. Make eye contact with side glances. Generate an awkward silence or wait for one. Then slowly put your hand on her cheek or level her chin with yours and dive slowly toward her mouth. The sensations running up and down her spine will drive her wild. Be careful. Don’t speed into it or you are liable to hurt her and yourself by knocking heads. Do watch her nose. You may elicit something funny or painful there but nothing passionate. Don’t dive in before she’s ready if you are working up to an explosive first kiss. Be cognizant and pay extra careful attention. Look for signals. But when you get them move in and don’t hold back. Eye contact can be very sexy. Pull back between bouts and look deeply into her eyes. Do those little extras that add so much to the experience. Hold her chin or her cheeks with your fingers, stroke her hair, or pull her in closer. Holding her neck or her head can also be a turn on. Be in sync with your partner. There is a rhythm that happens when kissing, follow it. Don’t try to overdo it. You are loving someone not dominating an opponent. Done right, a superb kiss can send shivers up and down her spine. For more on this topic, read Seal it With a Kiss: Tips, Tricks and Techniques for Delivering the Knockout Kiss by Violet Blue.

Secrets to a Perfect First Kiss

kiss

Secrets to a Perfect First Kiss

You know how it goes. With the end of the date approaching, both of you are there. The little hairs on the back of your neck are pricking up. The air is so thick with anticipation it feels like the two of you are caught in a lightning storm. Questions of should I, shouldn’t I, do you go hard or go soft rattle through your mind. But not to worry. We’ve debunked the secrets of a perfect first kiss. Follow these steps and you’ll be diving into that heavenly first kiss with panache.  The first secret is to get the timing right. Easier said than done, right? Jump the gun and you look presumptuous. But wait too long and it seems as though you aren’t interested at all, or it’s getting weird and that will kill the romance. So when is the right time to move in? Do it within the first or second date. If you wait to the end of the second date however you’ve waited too long. Do not wait until the end of the first date and do it, unless your date is very traditional. Instead catch them off guard. Be ready to swoop in and claim your love. Pull them aside when walking together, say out of the restaurant or wherever you’ve gone, take them in your arms and lay it on them. Make it not only dynamic but memorable.

Ladies, the first kiss isn’t only the guy’s responsibility. And if he’s into you, and chances are if he’s going on a date with you he is, kissing him is a total turn on for him. He’ll be putty in your arms after that. Guys love to be desired just as much as women do. It can also be a rush for both partners when she takes charge. And nothing adds passion like a rush both partners can feel. It makes the moment feel bigger than both people. Don’t slobber all over them, don’t chew on their face, and do not be all tongue. Kissing should be equal parts sensual and provocative. It can sometimes be one and sometimes the other. But the first kiss should evoke passion. Don’t be too eager with the tongue, you might be sending the wrong message. Pull away for a second here or there. That little second of anticipation really pumps things up. And always keep them wanting more. Don’t try to invent new ways of kissing at this time. Inventiveness can come later if your date is into it. Right now stick to the fundamentals. One of the best things about a kiss are the little moves one makes to ramp up the sensuality. Try raking your hands through your lover’s hair. Put your hand on their chin or grab their jacket and pull them in. Kiss up their neck, their ear and lead your way slowly to their mouth. Now go forth and put your new kissing knowledge to the test.  For more on this topic, read How to Kiss a Girl for the First Time by Jessica James.

Common Reasons Guys Get Rejected

Rejected

Common Reasons Guys Get Rejected

Sometimes you’re dating someone, everything seems to be going great and all of a sudden she seems to drop off the map, or she pulls away. What happened? Why did her interest plummet? Things may seem easy going in the beginning. Those first few dates can be filled with fun and possibility with none of the later on pressures to settle down, commit, define the relationship or make awkward relationship decisions. Still, lots of guys have too cavalier an attitude about these early stages of courting and that could be the problem. According to Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. a relationship expert and psychologist says of this, “What you do in the beginning of the relationship—and yes, you should see it as a relationship, not just a series of dates—sets the tone for the entire relationship.” So being too nonchalant in the beginning can be a real turn off, sending the signal that you aren’t interested in an actual relationship or really getting to know her. If a lot of your relationships seem to fizzle out within the first month, this could be the reason. Here are some other common reasons why guys get rejected early on. Sure it’s the new millennium and women are liberated. But that doesn’t mean you should sit around and wait for someone you have a great connection with to make the first move. In fact, women generally expect men to still make the first move. Of course it could happen. But by and large even in today’s world women still want to be pursued. So think of ways to break the ice and make your move.

There’s some confusion with guys on who should pay for the first couple of dates. Here again studies have shown that 85% of women still expect for the man to pay. According to Dr. Thomas, “Some things are just too ingrained in gender roles. In the first few dates, you want to set that masculine, care-taking tone.” That doesn’t mean you have to break the bank to impress her. In fact, using a little creativity can make a date special without going bankrupt. There are free concerts, art exhibits, spoken word and other inexpensive or free performances; you could go to a museum, the park, for a hike, stargazing or even on a picnic. Once you have set the proper tone, after about three dates or so you should give her the option of contributing or even paying. Even though you have to show you are a masculine caregiver, you don’t want the relationship to hint at being parental. Plus you don’t want to give the impression that you are a sugar daddy either, but that this is going to be a relationship amongst equals. Some guys drone on and on about all of their accomplishments in their career and in other venues. But usually they end up boring the poor gal to tears, or making her think you are an egotist. “Guys are socialized to believe that their value lies in what they do. But she wants to date you, not employ you.” Let her know your thoughts, dreams, passions and outlook on life. Ask her hers. For more on this, read Changing Your Game: A Man’s Guide to Success with Women by Christie Hartman.

Making a Pass can make Marriage Last

COUPLE-BED

Making a Pass can make Marriage Last

Those first few months or even years when a couple is together feel like magic, and like any couple in love you make love all the time. But as time wears on with responsibilities like kids, a house and a job and just knowing each other so well and getting caught in the same routines, the spark tends to grow dimmer. Couples have to work now to keep the spark alive. Guys feel funny making a pass at their wives later on in this stage, but one study has shown that they can help make the marriage last. Research out of Penn State University studied committed, cohabitating long-term couples. They found that the more often one partner made a pass at the other, whether the couple made love or not, the higher their satisfaction rates were for the marriage, it’s communication, stability and the lower the chances of conflict occurring. Chelom Leavitt, coauthor of the study, said that the scores were even higher if it was the guy who was doing the chasing. Of the study Chelom said, “Sex fortifies committed relationships and strengthens bonds.” By making a pass you are showing desire. Desire is the key element to making a marriage last. It’s particularly important for a woman to feel desired. Sometimes couples get to a stage where a certain signal such as grabbing someone’s butt cheek or putting your arms around someone in a certain way will telegraph your desire.

There are plenty of ways to show your desire for your long-term partner and keep the marriage going on all cylinders. Send a flirty or sexy text. Why not get Snapchat for your smart phone? You can send racy pictures that melt away after ten seconds, or even less. You set the time. Write a dirty love letter telling them exactly what you want them to do to you, sparing no detail. Slip them a little love note hinting at some action later. Come onto your partner covertly but in inappropriate places. Place your hand on the inside of their inner thigh at a restaurant table when out with friends, or even family members but in such a way as they can’t see. Or work your foot over to their foot. Work your way up to their thigh. Play footsie with them. Why not buy some lingerie and surprise them with it, either that you bought for them or for you to wear. Sit and talk about different fantasies you want to explore and then make plans about exploring them. Try different positions and locations. Explore toys. See if either of you like to be tied up. Try pillow talk and dirty talk in bed. Consider taking a class or watching a video on Tantric sex, or buying a book and trying some of the techniques. Explore carefully the BDSM lifestyle and see if either, both or neither of you like role play, outfits, spanking, sensory deprivation or being tied up. For more on this topic, read The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking by The Sinclair Institute and Yvonne K. Fulbright.