Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

bra

Bra that opens when she finds “The One”

Introducing another startling love related invention that has come out of where else but Japan. Here we have the world’s first “smart bra.” This undergarment created by Japanese lingerie company Ravijour claims it knows how women really feel, so much so that the bra opens when she finds “The One.” But how does it know? When we fall in love, hormones secreted increase the heart rate. The bra has a built in sensor that detects this heart rate increase and opens the bra.

The garment works like a modern day chastity belt, keeping the girls locked away until the man of her dreams walks in and quickens her pulse. When her heartbeat reaches the crucial level the bra opens to end sessions of awkward fumbling just before the penultimate moment of truth.  Sure there are phone charging rain boots and hats that help you find Wi-Fi. But this may be the strangest wearable tech around. Ravijour has its own sexuality specialist on staff who states on the company’s promotional video, “When we fall in love, we experience an instant boost in excitement. That feeling is unlike any other excitement we encounter in life.”

The company’s hopes for this item are not small. Saying of his invention the creator of the smart bra stated, “Until now, the bra was just a piece of clothing to remove. But now it is an instrument to test for true love … destined to become a friend of women around the world.” What isn’t discussed is if the bra will open at times when the lady’s heart rate increases yet isn’t in the throes of passion with her beau? When she is just told of some horrible news, when she’s seeing a Thriller with friends or her parents, when something startling happens at work or she gets to be a guest on a game show. Will her bra open at these inopportune times? What if she wants to get involved with someone physically but isn’t in love? Where is this technology leading also? Certainly we don’t want too much tech in the bedroom.

There is fear of too much being revealed, especially through social media websites. In the age of “revenge porn” we are reminded that positive technologies often do have unforeseen consequences. Nor do we want to export all of our decisions about our bodies to some gizmo or smart device with a socially constructed idea of what courtship and love should be like. Sometimes the best lessons come from when we are unencumbered by outside forces such as societal views of what is proper when. Sure the smart bra seems fun, and is probably just a publicity stunt to get exposure, but we have to protect ourselves from the encroachment of technology into the more private realms of our lives. To learn more about technology’s impact on modern dating read, Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating by Dan Slater.

Drifting Apart

drifting

Drifting Apart

It stuns you when you first realize that you and your sweetie, you seemed like the perfect couple, are drifting apart. Sometimes just as perfectly as you fell for each other, as if it were only natural an event like a natural disaster, an earth shattering union over which the two of you had no control. But just as powerfully so too can each party find forces pushing them apart, and these can occur just as naturally and as inexplicably.

Sometimes we end up in a comfortable relationship that has no future. This kind of relationship has dueling emotions inside you. On the one hand you have your life goals. On the other you love this person and perhaps fear being single again and facing a big, black who-knows-what. Sometimes the fear of the unknown makes us stay in an uncomfortable situation. But the problem with that is we die a little inside for we are born to seek out our dreams. Scientists have proven that parts of the brain showing good, sound judgment shutdown when we fall in love. As the relationship progresses more and more we get to learn about our partner and deal with their shortcomings, and our own.

Once you have that down, you think you’ve got it all figured out. And you’ll live happily ever after. Or not. More likely it will be like a series of hurtles you’ll have to jump over. You’ll dodge them and do okay. Once in a while you’ll have a victory to celebrate. At other times a defeat to mourn. But when people have different priorities or if their values change, as are natural to do over time you can find the couple naturally drifting apart. The question is how far is this drift going to go? Can you relate to one another anymore? Is there trust and respect? Can you build a deep bond of connection and intimacy despite these differences? Each couple has to decide for themselves. It takes a big conversation.

Some long term couples and married couples decide to live together despite their differences. They share what they can but each also enjoy their separate lives. Others seek out a partner who fulfills all of their needs. Then there are those who try to change their lover, or spurn them for not being the person they fell in love with to begin with. Instead, talk about it. Discuss the drift. See when it occurred and why it occurred. Figure out if it makes sense to stay together and share your life together or perhaps you’ve grown too different after all. For more advice read, Help! My Spouse and I Are Drifting Apart by Dr. Bill Maier and Mitch Temple.

If she’s Doing These Things, Call Off the Wedding

ballandchain

If she’s Doing These Things, Call Off the Wedding

Weddings are stressful, especially on the bride to be. Plans, problems, arranging different things, family members and bridesmaids who disagree, the list goes on. That said, marriage can also be quite stressful. You want a life partner if you are willing to take the plunge. Divorce is painful, lengthy and expensive. Your best chance is to marry right in the first place. To do that you should help her, support her, but watch what signs she’s exhibiting and how she deals with stress. Chances are there will be great waves that come and rock your marriage. This is the time to tell if you’ll be able to weather those storms or sink to the bottom of the murky depths.

Look out for the warning signs and if things don’t feel right in your gut, feel alright backing out of it. Everyone will understand. If they don’t they aren’t on your side to begin with. If she’s doing these things, call off the wedding. First, expect her to be totally stressed. But if she turns into an absolute nightmare, punch out. Years from now when she’s totally flipping out on you and you have nowhere to run or hide, you would have wished you listened to this advice. If she’s being absolutely ridiculous understand that this isn’t the last time you’ll see this behavior and consider carefully.

Watch out if she tells you to cancel the bachelor party. This is truly the one ritual that exists separate, that is only for the man. It’s a rite of passage in our culture moving from singledom to a married man all in the company of your best buds. Whether it’s paintball, camping or Vegas it’s the one thing that defines maleness in your run up to the wedding. She may say she doesn’t want you going to a gentleman’s club or that she doesn’t trust what your friends might do. But what you should be hearing is manipulative and controlling. Are there other hints at this behavior? Does she tell you what to wear? Has she already selected the names of your children? Does she tell you what to eat and what not to? It may seem cute in the beginning but this emasculating behavior will either make her your superior or force you out of the relationship.

Though you are getting married, it doesn’t mean you have to rush into parenthood. Is your girl living too much in the future? If she’s talking about the home décor of a house you don’t own, what colleges your kids will go to when you don’t have any yet, and where you will retire she is probably trying to catch up with her friends and lose your relationship in the process. Talk to her. Get her to slow down and enjoy the now. But if she refuses, you’ll have to keep up with her friends forever. Better to hit the eject button. For more advice read, The Marriage Compatibility Test: 101 Questions to Ask before You Marry by Richard Chesser.

Ways Women Manipulate that Men can see from a Mile Away

Young couple talking

Ways Women Manipulate that Men can see from a Mile Away

The battle of the sexes has been raging since the beginning of humanity, though of course it’s gotten much more sophisticated as time has gone on. Men and women are both guilty of manipulating one another in overt and covert ways. Here are some ways women manipulate that men can see from a mile away. Men can see right through the cold shoulder. They are all too familiar with the “nothing is wrong” game. When you suddenly don’t want to talk, don’t want to be near him or be touched by him. But what is the point of acting this way? You are only going to drive a wedge between the two of you. Instead, ask for some space. Wait to calm down. Find the words to say what you are feeling.

Remember that good communication is the foundation to a healthy relationship. And if you can make him see what he did wrong and ways to make amends, if he’s a good man he will do everything in his power to do so. What about the restaurant choosing situation? He asks you “Where do you want to eat?” You say you don’t care. He proceeds to list every restaurant in the city to which you reject, each and every one until your choice is made. You win the battle but not the war. He sees right through this.

Guys see right through statements that reveal jealousy, such as asking who a female friend or coworker is and if he thinks she’s attractive. He also sees through round about questioning that just happen to incorporate her. Your boyfriend knows that you are just trying to see if evoking her name gives him a hint of excitement. Men can see right through it when it’s supposed to be a casual relationship but you happen to make pancakes one morning and invite him over, soon he’s stopping at the grocery store on the way home, and before you know it you both are walking down the aisle. But if he loves you he is enchanted by the spell you’ve waved over him.

Men can see right through it when women flirt with someone in order to make them jealous, especially after a breakup or when a relationship is on the rocks. When a woman asks “Why do you love me?” he knows that she is trying to poke holes in his case and he’s in trouble. A man knows that when you are asking about his ex offhandedly you are seeing if he has any feelings. Men see through it when women are friends with their ex, saying they’re just friends, when it’s obvious there is more going on there. Lastly, men see right through your little reasons to come see them, just to be around them. And they love it anyway. To learn more about women and their behavior read, The Female Brain by Louanne Brizendine, M.D.

All About Nabbing a Designer

Enjoying every moment at work

All About Nabbing a Designer

So you are interested in dating a designer. There are definitely some things you could pick up that would help you in your mission. But before you jump headfirst into the designer pool, inherently filled with coffee and deadlines, think about what it all means and how it might affect your life. Here is all about nabbing a designer. First, you may think this is an advantage, that your place will look fabulous. That’s fine, if you are going to allow them to make all the design decisions. Otherwise, it may lead to some fights. And how will you win? You’re not a designer. You don’t know anything about the rules of aesthetics, tungsten lighting and pantones.  You may want a more eclectic style that they wouldn’t be caught dead with.

Lots of patience will be in order, especially if you are used to dating someone who doesn’t care, or are used to getting your way on these things. When showing documents to them, realize what they do for a living. They may tear apart that report or cover letter you took hours creating. But if you let them help it will make you look amazing. They’ll also laugh at your outdated and outlandish software and confuse you with terms such as kerning.

Realize that designers don’t keep regular hours. Sometimes it will feel like they are always there, at other times they are sneaking in after you’ve gone to bed, as not to wake you. Any reputable designer won’t cut corners just to get home quicker, nor should you want that. It is the career they’ve chosen. They should be the best they can be, and if you love them you should support them.  Your designer will get excited about new fonts and will talk for hours about Adobe while your eyes glaze over. You are essentially living with a very talented visual arts nerd. It helps if you are a bit of a geek as well.

Designers think they know everything. Getting them a present is a nightmare and they never seem impressed. Your designer will secretly chuckle when you still have a mouse that has a wire, or if you use only one computer screen, because a pro uses two. If you decide to tie the knot, your wedding invitations will knock people off their feet. There are lots of advantages too. You will get great gifts. Designers are conscientious, detail-oriented, creative, and know how to get things done. Your aesthetic and other parts of your life will improve. Just know what you are getting into. Tell them Helvetica is cool, you’ll score major points. If you’re looking to impress them with a gift try buying them a book such as, 100 Things Every Designer Needs to Know about People by Susan M. Weinschenk, Ph.D.