If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

Overcoming Choice Overload in Online Dating

choice overload

Overcoming Choice Overload in Online Dating

Today with so many dating websites and apps, we can very quickly become overwhelmed with choices. With Tinder we can swipe so many faces and weigh decisions on people who hardly say anything about themselves, whom we have little but a couple of pictures worth of evidence to go on. Other choices are monstrous. You can spend over two hours answering OKCupid questions for comparability. eHarmony is similar in this vein. Yet, if you talk to couples you don’t see an overwhelming amount coming from these sites. So what’s the deal, are all these choices really making us happier and better able to focus in on the right person or is it just a menial, anxiety ridden drag? Over ten years ago a book mirroring this very phenomenon, The Choice Paradox: Why More is Less by psychologist Barry Schwartz made its way to the fore. In it, Schwartz argues that we are bombarded in the modern world by a barrage of meaningless choices. A look at the wall of drinks available at the local convenience store is just one example. Schwartz argues that this “Choice overload” causes us to make our standards too high, fail to meet them and feel guilty in the aftermath. If there is any explanation about how some of us date online, this is it.

Schwartz has resurfaced as of late being interviewed by a variety of media sources about his opinion on the rise of social media. The phenomenon he said has only increased anxiety, now in the form of things like FOMO (fear of missing out). Internet daters today are fraught with this very thing, going through profile after profile, on date after meaningless date and never looking past the surface, never giving a relationship a chance to take root. On Tinder for instance, it’s so easy to swipe right and overlook someone that could be perfect for you. But how would you know? Online dating has many pitfalls. Sometimes we spread ourselves too thin and chat with too many people at once. It’s hard to keep each person straight. At other times we are in complete limbo, emailing back and forth with someone we never know if we’ll see in person. People come in and drop off all the time with no reason or explanation. Sure it’s brought on more choices, but there’s also more confusion to go with it, as to how best to proceed. It’s almost always helplessly hoping that something works out and being disappointed. So should you find someone that’s good enough and stick with them, even if Mr. or Ms. Perfect could still be out there, somewhere in the farthest reaches of the internet?

In Schwartz’s experiments with choices in consumer products, “satisficers,” or those who don’t need the very best smart phone, latest TV or sharpest car were consistently the happiest, whereas “maximizers” or those who needed to have the very best at all times, were constantly let down. “Maximizers” were also less satisfied in their career and more likely to be diagnosed with depression. According to Schwartz’s view you should settle for something that is acceptable. Schwartz said in a Reddit chat last year that for a selection process, say for example high school juniors should pick five colleges, not five times that much. Why not do the same for dating? Use a site where you can view profiles, pick your top five, the ones you have the most in common with and have the best feeling about, and invest in them, instead of 25? When having a list of traits you want in a partner why not have a shorter, more manageable and practical list? Be flexible. See past little things. Instead of having to have a certain net worth as a requirement, consider someone who pays all their bills on time. The person you went out with may not have been the best kisser, but they can learn. You can teach them. Consider what is good enough for you and stick to it. “‘Good enough’ is almost always good enough,” Schwartz said. It doesn’t mean giving up on your dream of finding the perfect person. It means understanding that there is no such thing, being practical and finding your happiness here in this world. Usually, something clicks into place with someone and things just feel right. But that will never happen if like a Tinder jaunt you just keep on swiping right. For more useful advice read, Cupid’s Guide to Online Dating – A Practical Guide to Finding Love by R.C. Lane.

It’s Peak Online Dating Season

ONLINE-DATING

It’s Peak Online Dating Season

Did you look around the New Year’s party for someone to kiss once the ball dropped? It might feel lonely but in fact, you’re in good company. Experts say that now is peak online dating season, so it’s time to dust off that profile and dive right in. The “season” lasts between now and Valentine’s Day. Researchers at Facebook a short while ago determined that the time people are most likely to change their relationship status is between the months of January and February. Some even secretly try out online dating at this time and swear it off at other times of the year. Two of the biggest dating websites, Match.com and Plenty of Fish, say their peak season starts on January 4th between 5 P.M. and 8 P.M. Match.com gets even more exact saying peak traffic begins at 7:52pm CST on Jan. 4. People find after the rush through the holidays that they have lots more time, time they use on their computers, tablets and smart phones.

The other reason is despite the tidings of good cheer, for many it’s lonely during the holiday season. One-third of 18-34 year olds were lonesome over the holiday break in the UK, according to one survey. And singles often see happy couples and yearn for someone in their life. This left-over feeling from the holidays is invested anew in the search for a significant other, come the turn of the New Year. But for a limited time only. So what website will give you the best chances at finding someone worth your time? In terms of sheer numbers, Match.com is one of the biggest, with 2.4 million users in North America alone. If you’d rather meet someone with an exotic flare, Plenty of Fish boasts 9 million users worldwide. It shouldn’t be hard to find a date on either of these sites. But one that you make a connection with, that’s going to take a little something extra. After New Year’s it’s a rush to find a date. But after Valentine’s Day, interest drops off. Love of all kinds fills the void after the holidays. Another thing that researchers have seen an after-holiday spike in, porn searches. Condom sales and conception rates both see a spike around the holidays and in their aftermath as well.

Researchers believe that the dark and gloomy winter months make us consumed with our tablet or laptop. The New Year is also a chance for a clean slate and a fresh start. Why not a new start to your love life? This is when we consider what we really want in life. It is also a time of reflection where we review what the past year was like and make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again, dating or otherwise. Some people lunge into online dating only to be disappointed. Just do it for fun. Don’t take it too seriously. Try not to do it for more than an hour per night or else you’ll get burned out. Really strive to look for people you have lots in common with. You really want someone you can talk about things with, and share what you love together. Don’t serial date. You’re likely to get burned out. If you do, take a break then start again anew. Make sure your profile says something positive and either funny or insightful to draw the right person in. Have it beta tested. Let a close friend read it. For more tips and exciting facts about online dating be sure to read, Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating by Laurie Davis.

In Online Dating, Women Like Younger Men

Happy-Mature-Woman

In Online Dating, Women Like Younger Men

According to Time magazine, women are five times more likely to show interest in a younger man than an older one when using online dating sites. Data from many online dating sites were used to make this report. But it wasn’t just women. Men showed interest in younger women more often as well. AYI, a website sifted through an enormous amount of data, 20 million Facebook profiles and 68 million downloads, and found a million approved matches. The results were that women chose a younger man five years younger over one five years older. Among men between 30 and 49, almost half, 42% said that they would rather not date an older woman. But if she reached out to him he would consider going out with her. However, men responded 22% less often to an older woman than a younger one when the woman was the first to make contact.

Though this data and social phenomenon is interesting, what does it mean? Of course, many people like to date someone who is younger. They can provide energy and vitality to a person’s life. Also, one can share knowledge and experience, which is attractive to many people. Does this make for a lasting relationship? Surely no one should look for a long term relationship on the basis of age. A love based merely on physical attributes can’t last. Each person needs to be supported emotionally and intellectually or else they get bored with the relationship and sooner or later move on. Of course, there is nothing wrong with casual dating. And many relationships have been very successful when the two people are not the same age. Age can bring people together, but age alone will not keep people together. So for dating, to see what you like, to explore something new and widen your horizons why not date someone older or younger? But for a long term commitment make sure you delve deeper. Your future self will thank you. For more online dating advice, read Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating by Laurie Davis.

Make a Connection Offline in an Online World

connection

The warm weather months are upon us and you know what that means? It’s time to get social. There are trips to the beach, backyard barbecues, family picnics and so much more. But if you’re single and don’t constantly want to be the third wheel, and who doesn’t like a summer romance that could possibly turn into more, you’d better get on that A.S.A.P.. Sure, dating sites and apps can be lots of fun, but they shouldn’t replace good, old fashioned flirting. Some people settle in behind the comfort and near anonymity a screen brings you. But you lose out on the other senses. Being in the presence of someone, when flirting is going well, is one of the best experiences of life and what an ego boost. Anyone and everyone can flirt. You don’t have to be a heartthrob or a femme fatale. Anyone can, but there are some techniques you can use to make a real connection offline, and in an online world where we kind of shy away from and aren’t as used to doing things that may be socially awkward face-to-face. But the benefits of when it does work outweigh any drawbacks. And if you do it right you’ll be getting more positive responses than you think. First, use your eyes. Simple eye contact alone can really get someone else’s pulse going, and get them interested in you. Let your glance stay on them for a few seconds. Smiling or giving a coy look can add to the experience. Don’t stare, this is creepy. Instead, after a few seconds let your gaze wander and then return again. That second eye lock will make a deep impression.

The next technique is the look back. Walk by the object of your affection and make eye contact and do so on the way back, too. Don’t stare them down. Look aloof, positive, charming, relaxed, confident and vaguely interested. It’s best to walk past at a place that lends itself to this like a bar or a party. Smile when you lock eyes. Give them a raised eyebrow or a smile. Now it’s time for a chat. Small talk always seems like it will be terribly uncomfortable. But the truth is it’s not so hard. First, introduce yourself. Smile and face them, giving them your full attention. Next compliment them or make a comment about something about the place, event or atmosphere. Ask them a question. Appreciate something about the person you are talking to. This shows that you are interested in them and that you’ve noticed things about them. If something funny comes up or if you can make a joke, do so. Laugh, be funny, silly and playful. As things progress, try to touch their arm, hand or shoulder. This nonsexual touching lets them know you are interested in being more than friends without crossing any boundaries. Now it’s time for your first date. You’ll know what to do and how to act then. To learn more about how technology is changing the game entirely, read Closer Together, Further Apart: The Effect of Technology and the Internet on Sex, Intimacy and Relationships by Robert Weiss.