Most of the time it’s not necessary to hire a private investigator to confirm or disconfirm cheating (examiner). Most of the time knowing your significant other deeply, knowing how they operate, and their personal habits are all you need to become suspicious of cheating. Has there been a significant change in habits or behavior? Use your eyes, ears and gather evidence if your suspicions are raised. Of course, if you do accuse your romantic partner of cheating and it turns out that they weren’t cheating at all, you could ruin the relationship. The bond of trust would be broken or at least bruised severely and would have to be rebuilt. Your significant other could also walk out the door, thinking that the cost of being with you is too high, or that your relationship didn’t mean as much as they thought. Being accused of cheating hurts. So don’t do it unless you have a good case already built. Certain people have certain personality traits that bend them towards accusing their significant other of cheating. If you are naturally jealous, over imaginative, highly insecure, paranoid, if you tend to believe the worst, are naturally suspicious or distrust the opposite sex, you may want to rethink your accusation. In fact, you should probably discuss this in depth with your romantic partner and seek out the aid of a mental health professional.
If you do not suffer from paranoia, insecurity or the like, and your intuition is telling you something, it may be right. 85% of women who had a feeling their husbands were cheating were right according to one study. If you are afraid your spouse or significant other is cheating, check around yourself first. Look at the financial statements. Are there any unusual charges? Go through their texts or if you can’t, the phone records. Look at their emails and their social media pages. Study their behavior. Are they working late all the time when they weren’t at all before? If they are spending more time without you, this could be a tipoff. The time to hire a private eye is when you are sure and you need court admissible proof for divorce proceedings to make sure items such as child support, alimony, child custody and so on go in your favor. A private investigator can be expensive, from $75 to $200 an hour. At least $1,000 is needed just to start an investigation sometimes. Often those P.I.s in the newspaper are less expensive than the ones in the phone book. Check the classified ads. If you are intent on hiring a private investigator, yet you are insecure and jealous, and your suspicions are unfounded, seek help and let your significant other in and let them know your problem. If they are really worth being jealous over, they will support you and you will grow closer.
Can proving that your spouse cheated in court help you? Sure it can. Every state views infidelity as grounds for divorce (wikihow). And in certain states, called community property states, proving that your spouse cheated in court can win you more than half the marital assets. Proof of infidelity can also heavily weigh on judgments, in your favor. But remember that testimony isn’t enough. Judges in divorce court have heard it all. Nothing beats hard evidence in making your case. First, it’s important to make sure that when gathering evidence you stay within the bounds of the law. If you break any laws it will hurt your case, and your credibility. Consider hiring a private investigator. He or she can find out all kinds of information that can be used in court to get you a favorable ruling. Make sure that your spouse doesn’t get wind of it, or find out you are paying it from the credit card or banking statements, or other financial records.
If you already have the ID and passwords to your spouse’s emails, it’s legal for you to check. If not, there is software you can purchase to do so. Don’t hack your spouse’s email on your own. It won’t hold up in court and you will tarnish your credibility. Get access to your spouse’s text messages. There are devices on the market where you can do this without getting caught. Be discreet if you can check the texts on their own phone. Pick your time to do this wisely. You don’t want to get caught. It can start a nasty argument and tip them off that you are on to them. Instead, take a picture with your phone or photocopy the screen when he or she is in the shower. Monitor their social media sites including Facebook, but don’t hack their accounts as it could be used against you. Take a look at the financial records. You should have access to these. Funny charges on bank statements, credit card accounts or other funny financial dealings may indicate infidelity. Get copies of these to present in court. Look at cell phone records and get a copy of these too. You can establish a pattern from a certain cell phone number that keeps showing up on your spouse’s phone. If you are going to confront them, secretly record it. It may protect you later and give you the evidence you need, particularly if they admit to the affair. Remember to make sure everything you do is legal or else it will come back to bite you in court.
Adultery is generally recognized as a valid basis for divorce. Adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than that person’s spouse. (Black’s Law Dictionary).
Adultery that is obvious can be easily proven in court. An example is where a married person resides openly with the non-spouse as if they were married before the divorce. Another example is when the married person either impregnates or is impregnated by a non-spouse during marriage. An adulterous spouse will usually conceal the adultery before divorce. In those cases, a spouse claiming adultery should have strong circumstantial evidence of the adulterous affair. Videotape showing the adulterous spouse and the non-spouse entering a dwelling or a hotel/motel on a specified date, and remaining inside for a significant period of time should be sufficient basis for the allegation. Copies of receipts for the hotel/motel coupled with the videotape will make a stronger case.
Caution should be exercised before claiming adultery in divorce. Court records of divorce proceedings are usually matters of public records. A married person falsely or recklessly accused of adultery by his/her spouse may claim defamation of character against the other spouse making the accusation. The non-spouse alleged to be involved in an adulterous affair may also have a defamation claim against the person making the accusation. A false oral or written claim of adultery made to a third party that damages the reputations of those allegedly involved in the adulterous affair is defamatory. A false claim of adultery will also have a negative impact in the divorce case on the spouse making such claim.
Self-inflicted wounds are common during a divorce because most of us tend to make hasty decisions when we’re wrought with emotions, which can do damage. Although we usually feel that our decisions are justified or working in our favor in the moment, these emotionally based decisions are often regretted later. An example of this would be if you were to make attacking statements toward your ex in the courtroom. Even if these statements held some truth, making a personal attack would likely reveal more about your character than that of your ex. Your behavior will leave an impression about you, although you’re attempting to paint a picture of your ex for the court and judge to see.
Be cautious in regard to your behavior during your divorce, but don’t be passive either. Hold your ground, but do so with patience and wisdom. Give yourself time to consider how you’d like to negotiate things, which things should be revealed to the court and which things are better left unsaid. Keep in mind that the court deals with business matters, not emotional ones. Even as far as your children are concerned, their best interest will be based on whatever environment appears to be the most stable, not necessarily the most loving. A parent who shows limited control over his or her emotions might come across as being incapable of dealing with the practical aspects of raising a child. It’s easy, then, to see how expressing your feelings without a filter could lead to self-inflicted problems or wounds later on.
The idea of divorce is difficult for some people to grasp. Sometimes this is due to culture or religion. A person may be embarrassed when their spouse wants a divorce, wondering how it will affect their reputation. The person could still be in love with their spouse but lost touch with those feelings over the years, getting too comfortable and taking their mate for granted. Another thing that may happen is they find it a personal affront and push back. Or maybe getting served with divorce papers is a complete shock and they are in a state of denial. Whatever the reason, just because you want to split doesn’t mean that your partner will accept it right away. There may be a back and forth or a very uncomfortable period of transition. But what do you do when you want a divorce but your spouse refuses to sign the papers?
Sit down and calmly discuss the issue; this could be a very serious and heart wrenching conversation. When served with papers, a spouse may ignore them, refuse to sign, or simply fail to respond (http://www.divorcenet.com/legal-advice/divorce/divorce-basics/what-can-i-husband-wont-sign-the-divorce-papers). This will significantly prolong the process. If there is simply no way of reconciliation, you need to address this directly with him or her and tell them why. If you can’t change their mind, and they are digging in and not budging, some states will let you file a default. A default is when a spouse hasn’t responded for 30 days or hasn’t been located to serve papers to. If this is the case, you can file a proposed judgment along with your default. A hearing date will be set and you will be required to appear before the court. You will get the chance to present your case to the judge and a ruling will be made. If your spouse doesn’t show up, they wave their right to a ruling and a judgment is made based on what you say. If you have served divorce papers and your spouse has failed to respond within sufficient time, seek out a reputable divorce lawyer.