Unless the parents can agree upon visitation arrangements, there are typical arrangements the courts will likely enforce. This will vary depending upon the availability of both parents, what the parents want, and any inclinations of the judge. A typical visitation schedule will look like this:
Every other weekend (Friday night through Sunday afternoon/night)
One week night
50% of the child’s winter and spring breaks
50% of major holidays
2-6 weeks during the child’s summer break
If you and your ex agree upon making this schedule more flexible, you can modify it in any way you wish. You cannot, however, modify the schedule without the permission of your ex. If you don’t follow the guidelines of the visitation arrangement, your ex is allowed to file a complaint or bring it to the attention of the court. It can also get messy if your ex decides to play games based on your not following the rules. Your ex could try to “give you a taste of your own medicine” by also not following the rules of visitation. It’s best if you can communicate openly with your ex about visitation, although this isn’t always possible for some divorced or separated couples.
If you live far away from your ex, this can also change the visitation arrangement. It may not be in the best interest of your children to have them visit every other weekend and one week night, so it’s possible to have an arrangement where breaks are utilized more for visitation time (i.e., a longer visit over the summer).
If you leave the marital residence but cannot take all of your belongings with you, your ex is not allowed to destroy, damage, or remove the property without first getting your consent or court approval. The argument may arise that you took too long to gather your things, but this will likely not hold up in a court of law. If being around your belongings is bothering your ex, he or she can file a complaint with the court to get those things removed in one way or another.
By no means should you do anything to destroy or damage any property belonging to your ex OR property that was shared while you were married. Keep in mind that all property shared during the marriage, even if you bought it with your own money for just yourself, is considered marital property, and therefore could be subject to equitable distribution. If any of this property is destroyed, you could be held liable for it, and have to pay much more than what the property was actually worth.
During a divorce, it’s important to be cautious in all areas of your life because there are new rules that apply.
A common complaint made by people who encounter a relationship breakdown is that they seem to attract the same types of people over and over again. They can’t seem to figure out why and usually assume that it’s simply their fate or a strange coincidence. If you believe that attracting negative relationships is beyond your control and something that will happen no matter what you do, then you will be guaranteed to receive the same results you’ve been getting. If, on the other hand, you want to look more deeply into your own thought processes, your emotions, and your behaviors, you will discover that it is these aspects of your internal world that are creating your outer relationships and overall experiences.
This is sometimes a hard concept for people to grasp, mainly because people generally don’t like taking responsibility for things that didn’t work out in their favor. In order to make positive changes in your life, you will need to become mindful of your internal dialogue and the actions that follow. Once you become mindful of your internal reality, you will see that your outer world has been a complete reflection of that. This is where change can occur because you have the opportunity to change your inner world and therefore recreate your external reality.
Take the time to define what it is you truly want from a partner, and then ask yourself if your thoughts and behaviors are in alignment with what you want. Once your inner and outer realities are in sync the way you want them to be, you will be able to attract and maintain a healthy relationship.
After being with someone for a certain length of time, it’s natural to develop a routine in order to maintain some level of orderliness and a sense of ‘normalcy’ in your life. After a while, however, if everything remains perfectly normal and orderly, one or both of you will get bored.
Boredom is a major complaint made by women who are seeking divorce, while men tend to lean more toward the urge to feel unstuck or free from their marriage. To women, the men stop trying and the marriage is no longer exciting or worth the effort. To men, they may wonder what else they could be doing if they were no longer married to this person, and they begin to feel restless.
In order for a marriage to remain happy, exciting, and fulfilled, it takes equal effort from both parties. Often, the bitterness between couples that finally decide to get divorced is due to their beliefs that the other partner did not try hard enough to keep the marriage alive. Those couples who seek marriage counseling and are given advice on how to keep the marriage exciting and fulfilled, may attempt to do this and then discover that they don’t love each other in that way anymore. At least those couples who go to counseling discover the truth behind their discontent and may leave the marriage behind more peacefully than those couples who carry bitterness toward each other.