Handling Divorce as a Lady at 40 Plus


Handling Divorce as a Lady at 40 Plus

Divorce for women forty and over is different than for women under forty according to Erica Manfred, author of the book, History; You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After Forty.  The sheer difference between handling divorce as a lady at 40 plus is that you have less opportunities than at earlier times. Some women have to re-enter the workforce. But if she’s been home caring for the house and children, or had a gap in employment, she may be in for a rude awakening when hitting today’s job market. If she hasn’t had a family yet and wanted one her chances are diminished.

The difference today from years ago is that there are plenty of single, available men who are also divorced. But the herd is a bit thinner than what women encounter at a younger age. If you need to reestablish your career consider attending college, community college, nursing school or some form of higher education. Civil service examinations are good avenues for employment. Networking with friends, family, acquaintances and others are good ideas as well, both for employment, and career advice.

Many people stay married for the sake of the children. They wait until the kids have grown up so as not to injure their psyches. But according to Ms. Manfred, “The kids are never grown.” What she means by that is that children are distraught by the divorce of their parents no matter what age they’re at. The kids begin to question their childhood, whether they grew up in a happy household for instance, or if it was all a lie. Now holidays are also separated into two. This will be quite awkward. Problems soon creep up in their own relationship. And they worry about who is going to take care of one or both parents once they get older and can’t take care of themselves. If you need to break the news, no matter what age, both of you should tell the children together according to Manfred. Deliver the news with empathy and understanding. Make sure the timing is right.

Surprisingly, 66% of over 50 divorces are initiated by women. This is because often the man has had bad habits, which she could ignore when he was out and about. But now that he’s home all the time it becomes a problem. There’s infidelity with younger women. And there are those men who recede into themselves and just sit on the couch and watch TV, while she still wants to live an active lifestyle and social life, go out, do things, meet people, and so gets tired of having no connection with him. It may not seem easy but for many divorce makes them much happier.

Study Reveals who’s More Romantic, College Guys or Girls


Study Reveals who’s More Romantic, College Guys or Girls

Whether it’s that beautiful romance or the fun of playing the field, college for most people is one of the most exciting and pivotal times in their dating life. Noting the importance of this time in one’s life, researchers decided to answer the question of who’s more romantic, college guys or girls, and the study reveals some interesting results. Undergraduate men were far more likely to choose a romantic relationship over education and career goals according to the study. These results threaten to turn traditional notions of gender roles on their head. But not so fast. One question, however, is how a romantic relationship is defined. Are they talking about true love, marriage and children or merely a chance to get under the sheets with someone who’s caught his eye?

Duke University’s Medical Center’s Catherine Mosher and the University of Albany’s Sharon Danoff-Burg conducted surveys on undergraduate university students. 80 male students and 157 female students participated, ranging in age from 16 to 25. Reaching goals in different relationships such as family, friends, romantic relationships, marriage and children were measured by the questions in the survey. Goals outlined were financial success, physical fitness, travel, owning a home, career and education success and societal contributions. How much they were willing to sacrifice for romance was also measured.

The results were that both genders felt the need to achieve goals individually but also in their romantic relationships. 51% of female students chose romance over personal goals, compared to 61% of male students. “Charming companions” were more easily traded for travel, educational and career goals. The number of female students choosing a relationship over their career goals came out to 20% compared to 35% of male students. 15% of female students would jettison their education goals for love while 30% of male students said they would do the same. In an interview with LiveScience Mosher said, “I think that those are the issues in which people find tension often in real life, between having a career and making time for relationships.” But how romance was defined wasn’t clear. Were guys really into relationships or were they more than likely letting biology do the thinking for them? According to Kruger, “Maybe for the men they’re thinking close romantic relationship, but that doesn’t necessarily mean long-term commitment of getting married and having children.”

In terms of evolution and traditionally men strived for high status in order to have access to a higher or wider pool perhaps of potential mates. Kruger says, “So in a way it’s kind of like saying, you’re doing all this stuff to strive for something, but if you can get that ‘thing’ without additional striving, wouldn’t you?” Women on the other hand had been so focused on their career and educational goals that they didn’t want any relationship to come in and mess up their plans. Heterosexual men also get more emotional support from the opposite sex. For more on how to balance career and romantic goals pick up a copy of, Married to the Job! How to Balance Your Relationship and Career in the 21st Century (Love Lockdown Series) by Steve Cain.

When Your Child is Emancipated Do You Still Have to Pay Child Support?


When Your Child is Emancipated Do You Still Have to Pay Child Support?

When you first hear that your child is becoming emancipated, hope can dawn on many a cash strapped parent and ex-spouse. One question usually comes to their mind. When your child is emancipated do you still have to pay child support? But the issue isn’t that simple. It’s more complicated. Your child support responsibility doesn’t automatically end due to emancipation. Instead, you have to petition the court in order to terminate child support. Proceedings from this point vary according to state law. Child support laws vary considerably from state to state. In some states the minute a child turns eighteen child support is over. Whereas in other states it’s when the child turns twenty one or it could even depend on when they finish college. Emancipation itself is a different issue, but the laws on child support will influence the court’s ruling. There are states that require child support be paid to an emancipated child. Even though an emancipated child is supposed to be financially self-sufficient the court could decide that they receive a stipend monthly until they become a certain age. The original child support order may run in tandem or be extinguished due to this. It pays to have an experienced attorney on your side to help navigate this complicated issue.

Make sure you attend your child’s emancipation hearing. Your input won’t be heard otherwise and they may make a decision that is unfavorable to you. It doesn’t matter whether or not you support your child’s decision to become emancipated. You will be able to give your testimony and take part in the decision making process. Your input will be considered. Have with you a copy of your divorce decree. The judge may ask to read it in order to get better acquainted with the case. If they see for instance that this father is paying $400 per month in child support, the judge may redirect that money to the child. Or the court may decide that each party should contribute $200 per month to the child. The age of your kid is one of the most important factors. This will weigh heavily on the judge’s head. If it is a seventeen year old boy the judge may believe that the money being paid to the child is warranted, even if they can support themselves. The judge may also consider the position of each parent. If a parent is against the emancipation they may not grant the child support to the child. If you are angry at your ex-spouse, don’t direct that anger at your child or let that anger cloud your good judgment. Make sure that throughout you have the child’s best interest in mind. For more advice on child support read, Child Support Dollar$ and Sense for NCPs: Practical Advice, Guidance, Resources, and Much More for Non-Custodial Parents Juggling Child Support Issues by Marty Vaughn.

Dating Mistakes we make in Our 20’s

Group of people with drinks at nightclub bar

There is something joyous about your twenties. You are young enough to have the freedom you want and hopefully forward thinking enough to really enjoy it. No one is worrying about biological clocks just yet. Everyone seems to still be putting the finishing touches on their identity and are taking them out for a spin. There are those sowing their wild oats while others are seeking and finding what they think to be true love. Certainly a lot of who and how we love is found out by dating in our second decade of life. Many people make similar mistakes when dating at this time in their lives that either make for great stories today or gave you lessons you carry with you to this day. It’s important to reflect on those days. In fact, nostalgia such as this sometimes provides insight into your current romantic state. Here’s the mistakes most people make when dating in their 20’s. In your twenties your friends seem like everything. Sure you have those midterms to study for, and pesky term papers to write, but tonight is half off drink specials at the campus watering hole, and ‘you know who’ is going to be there. That irresponsibility may or may not have crept up on you in the form of pulling all-nighters, being on academic probation or hurting your GPA. You did learn to be more responsible. But spontaneity may have paid off. You probably took part in a sultry romance that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

Remember running out of time and racing to get to your date, only to find that you were woefully unprepared for the night ahead? Sometimes you got through it. At other times you bored your date to tears. This is where you learned that a little preparation and consideration goes a long way. We fall way too far, too fast in love in our twenties.  This is the time when opposites attract, relationships are fun, or high drama relationships keep us interested. But they die shortly after. It’s important to realize how valuable peace is in a relationship, and having things in common. Sure an opposites attract relationship can be passionate, but if all you do is fight sooner or later you’ll break up for good. Remember taking that one person back for the second even the third time after they broke your heart? You thought they would change and they didn’t. This is a valuable lesson that people settled into adulthood still sometimes make. If they want a second chance see that they’ve earned it. Some people in their 20’s get stuck in “type” thinking. This person is your type, another is not. But when you get older style gives way to substance and a type just doesn’t seem that important, or even to exist anymore. Love in your twenties can be exciting, frightening, passionate and special. Those memories can last a lifetime. But remember the lessons you learned in those days. They will serve you well throughout the years. To learn more on this topic, read Ten Foolish Dating Mistakes That Men and Women Make and How to Avoid Them by Lila Gruzen.

What Every Woman should do Before Marriage


Traditionally, marriage was a natural progression after high school or perhaps college. Most people only a generation or two ago married in their early to mid-twenties. Nowadays people are waiting until their late twenties or even their thirties to get married. Why? First, lots of today’s young adults grew up in divorced households. They don’t want to be divorced and they fear that it will happen to them. So they are choosing to cohabitate longer and make sure this person is right for them before getting married. Also, you need far more education to enter today’s workforce. And developing a career is very time consuming. Still, every woman should do certain things before she gets married. Most women decide that it should happen only once. If marriage is what you have always dreamed of, make sure to have these things all squared away before tying the knot. First, make sure you are mature enough to handle the responsibility of being married. If you want to party all night and not have to call in to anyone to let them know where you are, then marriage isn’t for you just yet. Sow your wild oats. Have some adventures. Get to know yourself inside and out. Before long you’ll have to share this great and complex person you call yourself with a husband. If you don’t know yourself, how is he going to be able to get to know you?

If you have a dream of taking a gap year, doing charitable work in a developing country, traveling the world, teaching abroad, or just driving across the country, realize that it’s so much harder to do with a husband and children in tow. Now is the time to do it. Start saving. Grab a friend who is interested, too. Do some research and get those gypsy dreams out of the way before settling down. If you want to go to college or even graduate school, being married might make it harder. It’s difficult to give a relationship the time it really deserves with a thesis hanging over your head. Get your degree before you walk down the aisle. One of the biggest things couples fight about is money. Learn how to manage yours the best way possible before getting hitched. Of course it’s a lifelong lesson. But you should go into a marriage being able to manage the household finances, put money away for a rainy day, budget, make the rent and even have an outline on how to save for retirement. One thing all women should know when going into marriage is how relationships grow and change. Learn how to communicate effectively in a relationship. Understand what emotional baggage you may have and how that affects things. Know how to pick your battles and talk with other people who have been successfully married and learn how they deal with things. Learning how to compromise, negotiate, set boundaries, argue fairly and how to forgive and let things go are the most important skills you can learn before you get married. For more advice on this topic, read What I Wish I’d Known Before I Got Married by Kay Coles James.