Asking out a Girl in Karate Class

stretching

Asking out a Girl in Karate Class

Do you take karate or some other marital arts class that’s co-ed? Is there a girl in that class that you have a crush on? It may feel awkward to try to hit on someone who can see you fall on the mat, have trouble mastering techniques, even a girl who is ahead of you or has a higher belt than you. But the truth is you can flirt with her, chat her up and even ask her out.  It doesn’t matter if she’s at a higher level than you. First, determine how long you’ve known this girl. What exactly is the situation? Do you know her outside of class or just in class? Have you known her long or have you just met her?

If you know her outside of class, find instances to chat with her. Talk about karate. Ask her questions like why is she interested in it? Has she been taking karate long and so on? Ask her the same questions if she is only in your class. If you have known her long, make sure you are not in the friend’s zone. Once a girl puts you in this place it can be very difficult, if not impossible to get out again. Show up early and warm up. See if she comes early too. If so, why not offer to warm up together? Make small talk. Ask her about herself. Stay late and work on you techniques or take some time to cool down. Ask her if she’d like to do the same.

There are lots of chances to get close to her. If you’ve noticed that she’s mastered a technique, tell her that you’ve been having some trouble with it and ask if she’d like to show you how to do it. Try to sidle up to her and be her partner when practicing techniques. Make little jokes while you practice together. Take karate seriously though. Stay focused. You don’t want her to think you are sacrificing karate, or only taking it to get close to her. Practicing karate together when you are just getting to know each other is great. You can break the ice more easily because you have some common ground to work with. You can also break the touch barrier more easily, in class during practice, and enter her personal space more easily, which if maneuvered correctly can be a great chance at flirting, or staving off the friend zone. If she’s a very serious student, flirt or joke with her lightly during class. If you go a little too hard she will be turned off by it. Instead, show that you have as much focus and drive as she does.

A little light flirting before or after class or when she is your partner is a great way to make your intentions known and feel her out for reciprocity. Keep it light and casual. If she’s behind you perhaps you can impress her with your superior karate skills. If she’s ahead of you however woo her in other ways. Show her your personality including how charming you are, your great sense of humor, that you don’t give up and other positive character traits. Show her that it doesn’t bother you that she’s great in karate. In fact, cheer her on. Make sure you don’t hang on too long. Ask her out, or for her number before you enter the friend’s zone. But feel her out for interest first. Don’t move forward if you haven’t a chance. Karate class will be awkward from then on otherwise. But if you have a chance, go for it. For more advice read, How to Connect With a Girl: Deepen the Interaction to Get Her Even More Interested by Jordan Amit.

Engaging your Charm

charm

Engaging your Charm

Some people know how to work a room. Other feel like they have to be on fire in order to get noticed. If you are in the latter group, take heart. Everyone can be charming, at least a little. And everyone can flirt. You are no different. All you have to do is learn how to reach down there and pull those qualities up out of yourself. It’s easier than you think. Here we will unravel the secret and show you how to be more charming, and perhaps catch the attention of someone worthwhile. Really there are just a few elements to turning on the charm. It isn’t as mysterious as some might think. You have to be self-confident, polite and engage empathy or your emotional intelligence. This is knowing how someone feels intimately because you have been there yourself, or being able to read and respond to other people’s emotions in a way that helps build a connection. You don’t literally have to feel the same way they are feeling. First you need the other person to feel you’re special. But no one is going to feel that way unless you yourself do. Don’t be a show off. But dress well. Be yourself but amp up your style. Act the part. Practice self-love. Be humble about your drawbacks and not boastful, but straightforward about your advantages and accomplishments. Practice self-love and radiate it from the inside out and people will no doubt be drawn to you.

With confidence, build yourself up. Reflect on your good points or accomplishments consciously whenever that little voice inside your head starts saying negative things. “Fake it until you make it” if you have to. No one knows that you are scared inside. So act, portray, and in that sense be. Sometimes acting confidently will make you feel more confident and you can ride that wave into success. If you are the one to approach, as most men are, see yourself being confident in your head first. Practice positive visualization and then go through with it. Olympic athletes use this technique to improve their outcomes. When interacting with others always be polite, pleasant and nice. Make eye contact with everyone. Say hello. Be friendly. Check out your posture and body language. Is it telegraphing self-consciousness or self-confidence? Face people. Listen carefully to what they say. Give them your undivided attention. Nothing is more charming and sexy than attention. Show that you are listening by making good comments or asking questions that show that you’ve cogitated what they’ve said. Next, observe the person you want to be observed by. Don’t be afraid to make a little eye contact. Give them the raised eyebrow or the smile. When you talk to someone you like, be sure to bring up something you noticed about them. If you can show that you know them, just something small that gives insight into who they are, you will make an impression on them, and bring you two closer. For more advice, read The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane.

Make a Connection Offline in an Online World

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The warm weather months are upon us and you know what that means? It’s time to get social. There are trips to the beach, backyard barbecues, family picnics and so much more. But if you’re single and don’t constantly want to be the third wheel, and who doesn’t like a summer romance that could possibly turn into more, you’d better get on that A.S.A.P.. Sure, dating sites and apps can be lots of fun, but they shouldn’t replace good, old fashioned flirting. Some people settle in behind the comfort and near anonymity a screen brings you. But you lose out on the other senses. Being in the presence of someone, when flirting is going well, is one of the best experiences of life and what an ego boost. Anyone and everyone can flirt. You don’t have to be a heartthrob or a femme fatale. Anyone can, but there are some techniques you can use to make a real connection offline, and in an online world where we kind of shy away from and aren’t as used to doing things that may be socially awkward face-to-face. But the benefits of when it does work outweigh any drawbacks. And if you do it right you’ll be getting more positive responses than you think. First, use your eyes. Simple eye contact alone can really get someone else’s pulse going, and get them interested in you. Let your glance stay on them for a few seconds. Smiling or giving a coy look can add to the experience. Don’t stare, this is creepy. Instead, after a few seconds let your gaze wander and then return again. That second eye lock will make a deep impression.

The next technique is the look back. Walk by the object of your affection and make eye contact and do so on the way back, too. Don’t stare them down. Look aloof, positive, charming, relaxed, confident and vaguely interested. It’s best to walk past at a place that lends itself to this like a bar or a party. Smile when you lock eyes. Give them a raised eyebrow or a smile. Now it’s time for a chat. Small talk always seems like it will be terribly uncomfortable. But the truth is it’s not so hard. First, introduce yourself. Smile and face them, giving them your full attention. Next compliment them or make a comment about something about the place, event or atmosphere. Ask them a question. Appreciate something about the person you are talking to. This shows that you are interested in them and that you’ve noticed things about them. If something funny comes up or if you can make a joke, do so. Laugh, be funny, silly and playful. As things progress, try to touch their arm, hand or shoulder. This nonsexual touching lets them know you are interested in being more than friends without crossing any boundaries. Now it’s time for your first date. You’ll know what to do and how to act then. To learn more about how technology is changing the game entirely, read Closer Together, Further Apart: The Effect of Technology and the Internet on Sex, Intimacy and Relationships by Robert Weiss.

If He does These Things, You are Being Used

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Men and women often approach relationships differently. Some women feel very deeply and express their emotions, expecting the man to reciprocate. The trouble is men are socialized in our society not to reveal their emotions, while women are socialized to freely and actively talk about them. Sometimes women mistake this as him not caring or not caring enough or as much. Other times men do just use women for sex. It’s important to know which is which. You don’t want to get rid of a guy who truly cares about you just because he isn’t very expressive or doesn’t express his emotions the same way. Of course you don’t want to keep a guy around who isn’t interested in a relationship but just wants you for your body. So what can you do? How can you tell the difference? If he does any of these things, you are more than likely being used. His behavior will tell you the truth. First, when do you see him? If you guys go out on regular dates that’s one thing, or if you call, text and just hang out regularly. But if he only calls late at night after bar hopping with his friends, you have a problem. When a guy’s really into you he wants to spend time with you. But if you only see him when he’s been drinking or just late at night, he’s only interested in a booty call, sorry to say. Does this guy cancel plans at the last minute? Does he always have some pat excuse as to why? You can’t just rearrange your whole schedule for this guy. It’s also rude and inconsiderate, not good relationship qualities.

Have the two of you ever been out and about in public? If you never go for dinner, to the movies, for drinks, hanging at the park or most regular stuff that normal couples do, he’s using you. Does this man sweet talk you, saying all the things that you love to hear, but never delivers on them? If he’s charismatic and charming but there’s no substance, he is persuading you to stay with him as long as he can so that he can enjoy the time you two have between the sheets. But if he never follows through, as soon as you call him out on it and stick to your guns, this guy is going to disappear. Remember actions speak louder than words. If you always back down, give in or let him persuade and sweet talk you, he’ll never commit and you’ll be stuck in this position for as long as you allow it. Think about how much you know about him. Does he leave out important details? Do you know his friends, where he works or anything about how he grew up or his family life? How much do you really know? If he’s standoffish or gets upset when you ask these kinds of questions, he isn’t really into you. He may enjoy spending time with you but perhaps he doesn’t think you two have long term potential. He could be married as well, or have a girlfriend. If you feel excited about this relationship or very attracted to him, you may get swept up in that feeling and ignore these warning signs. You deserve someone who loves, cherishes and commits to you. So make sure you aren’t being used, and if you think you are break it off with him. You are better off in the long run. For more on this topic, read Mr. Unavailable & the Fallback Girl by Natalie Lue/NML.

These Cheesy Pickup Lines May Work

FLIRTING

One liners in the female world aren’t held in a very high regard. According to relationship expert Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. they are considered, “degrading, sexual, sexist, or just too forward”. But that doesn’t mean you can’t own it, and make it work for you. If you learn to own the cheese you could come off as witty and charming rather than pathetic and uninteresting. These cheesy pickup lines may work in the beginning, leading to a rapport with someone of the female persuasion. “I’m sorry, were you talking to me?” [No.] “Well then, please start.” According to sociologist and relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. this is an approach that is female friendly and nonthreatening. It lets her know that you want to talk to her, get to know her and not just take her clothes off.  Do be patient and wait until there’s a good, long pause in her conversation or else she’ll just be upset that you interrupted her. “Hello, I’m doing a survey of what people think are the worst pickup lines. So, do you think it’s: ‘Do you come here often?’, ‘What’s your sign?’, or ‘Hello, I’m doing a survey of what people think are the worst pickup lines.’?” Here you let her know that you are in on the joke. Remember the number one attractive quality in a guy is a sense of humor according to recent studies. You may even put her at ease since there is no pressure being put on her in this situation. She may be more likely to even open up to you.

“You know, Dr. Phil says I’m afraid of commitment. Want to help prove him wrong?”  This is cute and funny. Truth be told most women are relationship minded. And this approach may set you apart from other jerks she’s dated in the past. “I bet you $20 you’re going to turn me down.”  There are lots of guys who overestimate their attractiveness to the ladies, which lots of girls are turned off about. This approach puts them on their head, since the jokes on you. This could make you look grounded. Unless she’s a monster, she’ll probably give you a shot, or at least talk to you and find out more about you. Either way not a bad in. “How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl here?” This lets her know that you picked her over every other woman there, a great compliment. Also according to relationship expert Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., “You can never tell a woman often enough that she’s beautiful.” If you are more into comic books than romance try this one, “Forget about Spiderman, Superman, and Batman. I’ll be your man.” Lots of women have rescue fantasies, you’ve tapped into hers hopefully with a light, comical twist. “Besides being gorgeous, what do you do for a living?” This one has a lot of upsides. It shows you think she’s beautiful, it shows that you are interested in getting to know more about her and it’s even a little humorous. This one will definitely be getting the conversation started. To gain more tips like these pick up a copy of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship by Terri Orbuch, Ph.D.