If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

Online-Flirting-Is-Cheating

If he’s got these in his Search History, Delete Him

We are all guilty of looking at things we shouldn’t on the internet from time to time. But there are certain things that cross the line. Respect and trust need to exist in any relationship for it to be healthy and happy. But there are just certain things a husband or boyfriend shouldn’t be seeking out. If he’s got these websites in his search history, delete him from your life or expect trouble the next time you sign on to his shenanigans. It’s perfectly normal for a guy to seek out some porn. They are guys, they are going to look. But if you happen to find an over-obsessive amount, this is a deal breaker. It may mean he’s addicted to porn. He could then have trouble pleasing you.

Another phenomenon that is occurring, guys who expect their wives and girlfriends to act like porn stars in the bedroom. While you may be all about exploring your kinky side, just understand that the women in these films never get their needs met. So if you want him to go down south, or you wish to explore some of your own fantasies, you’d better come right out and talk about it or it could all be over. Another deal breaker in this realm is porn that is too extreme. Sure he may have a fetish which you enjoy or are at least willing to accommodate. But if you find out he’s really into some sick stuff, it’s time to hit the road. Next thing you know he’ll want to bring some of that stuff into the bedroom. FYI, if you’re up for it, a little bit of good quality porn between consenting adults can actually stimulate your love life form time to time.

If he’s been on dating sites since you two have become an item, get rid of him. He’s a player, a narcissist; he’s self-absorbed and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s looking to cheat. One side note, make sure you two have verbalized that you are in a committed relationship. Some girls just assume. If you haven’t said it, it isn’t true. When you are only dating you can’t expect him to shut down his dating profile. You never know what might happen. He’s keeping his options open or still deciding on you. You may be in the same phase. But if you’ve said the three little words, be mine only and they said yes, then this guy is a heartless scumbag. He’ll give you a line of crap. If you fall for it, he’ll cheat on you anyway, and you’ll be in more pain and hate yourself worse for failing to see through his jive.

If your man has a long history of surfing gay websites, you need to confront him about it. There’s nothing wrong with different sexual orientations. If you fantasize about having two guys, and the relationship doesn’t mean that much to you emotionally, you may find it exhilarating. Otherwise, your man may run off with another man. How will you feel then? If you find him on Ashley Madison or some other type of cheating website, sign off on this relationship. He’s a cheater and a sneak. For help moving on if or when your break up read, You Didn’t Want Him Anyway: Get Over Any Man in 5 Simple Steps by Claire Casey.

Myths that Keep Us from Love

BAD-DATE

Myths that Keep Us from Love

There’s lots of dating advice out there that while the speaker’s intent is sincere, the message is actually an obstacle rather than a way forward. There are myths that keep us from love rather than helping us find it. The first myth is playing it cool. Conventional wisdom goes that you shouldn’t let on how interested you are in a person, or else they may find you desperate or needy. This isn’t true at all.

Our belief in playing hard to get shouldn’t be absolute. You can use it if the person you are after is emotionally unavailable. Otherwise, be nice and open. Who doesn’t want those qualities in a relationship? If they reciprocate then this might be the person you are looking for. But they should at least respect these qualities. If playing it cool works for you that’s great. But if you aren’t really that type, or haven’t tried it, you’ll flub it. So be yourself. Feel it out and act accordingly. Make sure you draw boundaries. Don’t get taken advantage of. But if someone is frightened off by openness than they weren’t ready for a relationship to begin with. And if that’s what you’re looking for, thank your lucky stars and move on.

We are often told that all we need is a little self-confidence. Confidence is great if mixed with some modesty. But projecting cool and confident can make you look like a superficial snob, or an egotistical jerk. Its better if you let your date know about your shyness, anxiety, or other issues. You don’t have to lay them all out before them. But just be who you are. Own yourself, including your faults. If you have come to terms with your shortcomings, why not show your date this? Anyone who is worthwhile will recognize it and see it as a great asset. If you’re nervous on a date just be honest and say that you’re nervous. You’re date will probably think it’s cute. If they’re worth your time they’ll try to get you to relax. Even admitting it will help you to relax. And then if they’re helping you, all of a sudden you two are jiving, and isn’t that what a date’s all about? Be as cool, witty and charming as you normally are. You can amp it up a little bit. But don’t portray a false confidence. It almost always falls flat.

Lastly, the numbers game is a myth that should be debunked. Many people believe that with the power of the internet, they can go on a ton of dates and will, out of the mass of people they’ve encountered, unearth the one they’ve been looking for. The exact opposite is true. You will feel a kind of dating fatigue after so many dates. People will start to look the same. You will feel numb, give your date less of a chance and be less willing to connect. It will actually get in the way. Strive for quality over quantity. Only respond or date people you have things in common with. The more in common the better the date. With these myths debunked, consider your love life simplified. For more dating advice read, Is This The One?-Insightful Dates for Finding the Love of Your Life by Stephen Arterburn.

Things Guys end up Regretting

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Things Guys end up Regretting

Fellas, have you ever been with someone whom you ended up revealing something that shouldn’t have been said, or made a commitment you shouldn’t have made? These can put a really big damper on your relationship. If you have, take a gander and see if the slip up you made is here, and learn tips on avoiding a different one. If not, why not read on and figure out what things guys end up regretting saying or doing in a relationship, so you can avoid falling victim and keep you and your special lady on the right path together.

Has your gal ever asked you to go to the OBGYN with her? If you two are expecting, congratulations! You should definitely be a part of every phase. But if she’s only having a checkup, don’t go with her. It’s emasculating. Your guy friends will call you whipped. Why does she want you there anyway? What’s the point? Is it some sort of revenge for not having to go? Another problem is that if you hear and see your women’s special place stripped down to biological and medical terms, it may lose some of its mystery and appeal. Put this issue in its place. Otherwise, she may ask you to do all kinds of things you shouldn’t. Establish borders and she will respect you. If not, she’ll walk all over you.

Don’t take her to guys’ night out. It’s no longer a male bonding experience if your girlfriend or wife comes along. It undermines the entire point. You will definitely be called whipped. You and your friends won’t be able to completely be yourselves around her. In every relationship each person needs time apart to explore their own dreams, hobbies, interests and to be with their friends. And why does she want to come along? Is she the hyper jealous type? Is she too needy or clingy? The fact that she wants to tag along may be a red flag. Talk with her more and explore further. Don’t attend girl’s night with her either. This is female bonding. She needs to be the star, sip wine with her friends and gab. And they won’t feel comfortable with you around either. How can female bonding truly take place with a guy around?

Don’t pressure her into certain sex acts if you two are physical and don’t have her pressure you into any. Otherwise someone will feel resentment, guilt or regret. Instead, talk about and take baby steps up to it. Make sure each person is comfortable. And don’t do it if both of you aren’t 100% sure. By avoiding these common pitfalls you’ll be able to move forward confidently in your relationship and be able to establish healthy borders. For more advice read, 10 Mistakes Men Make With Women and How to Avoid Them by Marni Kinrys.

The Real Reason Men Cheat

whycheat

The Real Reason Men Cheat

George Mallory was the famous 1920’s mountain climber who attempted Everest in his words, “Because it’s there.” This is the reason many women think men cheat. Much like Mallory who ultimately succumbed to the world’s largest mountain, relationships are swallowed whole by such trysts. But is sex drive and opportunity the real reason men go astray? Or is there something more than the need for variety? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman noticed that most of the studies that looked at male infidelity examined the woman’s point of view. He decided to instead to go right to the source. Neuman interviewed 200 husbands, both those who practiced infidelity and those who remained faithful. He not only asked the cheaters why but also what could have kept them from going astray. What he found was, although we often blame insatiable lust coupled with mere opportunism, 48% of men said they did so out of emotional dissatisfaction with their primary relationship. Only 8% said they did so purely due to sexual dissatisfaction.

Neuman said that in our culture the social message we get is that all men need is food and sex to be happy. But guys are emotional creatures too. Neuman found that they also needed positive affirmation from time to time to feel appreciated by wives or girlfriends. When men felt underappreciated or their efforts unrecognized, was when their eyes began to wander. Neuman also pointed out that unlike women men are less likely to speak out about this need. It’s considered emasculating to seek appreciation or approval. Instead, women in relationships who want to solidify them should consider what her man brings to the table and show her appreciation for him. In fact, if she does so he will likely reciprocate, setting up a virtuous cycle dynamic. 68% of those who went astray said they never dreamed of cheating. Almost every cheater interviewed said they felt remorse. Most responded that if they could do it all over again, they would have remained faithful. Though they are emotional, the male of our species is different. Men are able to compartmentalize feelings in ways women cannot, the counselor said. These feelings are boxed and shoved away, to be dealt with at a later date. The takeaway is if you think you’re guy will never cheat, think again. But if you both put a little effort into having the kind of relationship you want, trussed with kindness and appreciation then you have nothing to worry about.

Want to get a sense of whether or not your man might cheat? Take a good, hard look at his friends. 77% of cheaters had a friend who cheated. This subconsciously legitimizes the act. Certainly you have to trust your husband or boyfriend and can’t tell him who to hang with and who he can’t. However, be aware of things, spend time amongst other happy couples and invest in your love. That should be more than enough to cheat-proof your relationship. 44% of cheaters met the other woman at work. “Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,” Neuman said. This is even more reason to validate him at home. If he starts mentioning a female colleague very often, it may be time to have a conversation. Find out how he has been feeling. Talk about boundaries with a coworker of the opposite sex, for both of you. Find little ways or some time where you two can be more loving and feel connected. 6% cheated the same night they met. That means for the majority they got to know her. They developed a relationship. Notice when you two aren’t connecting. Don’t ignore it, clear the air and work on it together. There is a timeframe before most men cheat. If when things ebb you can reconnect, you’ll be faithful to one another and have a long and happy relationship together. To learn more, pick up a copy of the book, The Truth About Cheating by M. Gary Neuman.

Guys, are You Cheating and Don’t Know it?

infidelity

Guys, are You Cheating and Don’t Know it?

If you are in a committed relationship, you probably have a good idea of what the delineation between physical cheating and being faithful is. But there are lots of gray areas in social contexts that while it may not seem like cheating to you, your lady may view things far differently. So are you cheating, in her eyes, and you don’t even know it? It’s a scenario that can spell disaster, at best a big blow out and at worst a change to your Facebook relationship status, nights crying into your pillow and a whole lot of questions from your family and friends. So how can you fend off relationship disaster? Have a clearer picture of how the fairer sex views infidelity.

Do you have a female colleague or friend who you are close to? Do you discuss personal details about your relationship with her? Whether you are complaining that she hogs the bed or that she’s a little timid in the bedroom, you may be crossing the line. Daniel Kruger, Ph.D. is a University of Michigan psychologist who studies differences in gender, specifically in how they view infidelity. “Informational infidelity” is the term he uses for this phenomenon. A woman could read this situation as emotional bonding. Females find this a bigger threat than even sexual intercourse. Kruger says, “If he’s fooling around on the side, she still has the relationship—the investment. But if a guy is falling for another woman, he might abandon her.”

Have you ever checked your ex’s Facebook page or other social media site? If you are friends or you are just curious to see what she is up to, you may see no harm. Human sexuality professor Justin Sitron, Ph.D. at Widener University says, “Socially, we’re primed to think that men don’t care about emotions and feelings—that all they care about is sex.” So you may be innocently checking out your ex’s page, but what she’s thinking is you don’t have the capacity to do so. Sex must somehow be on your mind. Another problem can occur when you are out socially with the people from work. You may saddle up to the bar and buy a drink for a coworker’s main squeeze or a colleague. But even fitting the bill for a cocktail could be overstepping according to Kruger. “It could be seen as being generous and nice,” he said. “But it could also be construed as hitting on someone, especially if you’re buying a drink just for the woman—not, say, a round of beers for everyone.” Buy a round or just your own and your lady’s drink. If there is a special place that you always go to, or the restaurant where you had your first date, do not take another female there. You are putting your life in your hands. Those places have serious sentimental value and so are off limits. Finally, be careful when saying something nice about another woman’s hairdo or getup. It could mean you’ve been paying some attention to her. Think about the compliment you are about to pay before saying it. Mull it over and if it sounds like something that could get you in trouble, silence may be a better route. For more advice read, Boundaries in Marriage: Line between Right and Wrong by Jeffery Dawson.