Stop Waiting around Wondering if he will Marry You

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Stop Waiting around Wondering if he will Marry You

There are lots of women who want to get married but stay in relationships where it isn’t abundantly clear where things are headed. So they avoid the subject at all costs. They wonder whether or not he wants the relationship to progress. Lots of young women think that when the moment is right, true love barges in, sweeps you up and carries you off. Many women pine for that day, wishing and waiting, but never think that in real life, it doesn’t always work like that. An awkward conversation with your partner as to whether or not he wants the same kind of relationship is usually how it goes. Those who want marriage the most are often the most reluctant to address the issue, for fear of rejection. It may even cause the relationship to implode. But if one person wants one thing, and another person wants something else, the relationship cannot last. Hanging on to a relationship that is doomed isn’t doing anyone any favors. Here are some other considerations for those who find themselves in this position.

You may be so invested that leaving is not a palatable option. Lots of women become preoccupied with how much work they’ve already put into the relationship, and where they are in terms of their child bearing years, but if you aren’t carefully considering whether or not this person has long-term potential, or even wants what you want, you are missing the point entirely. Some people fall into a groove. They get comfortable. It is usually a slow creep. Suddenly the two are cohabitating and in a routine. Though the situation does not fulfill her deeply, the woman usually becomes averse to breaking out of it. If he moves out for instance, she’ll have to find a roommate, and bear the brunt of the cost herself, until she finds one.

These decisions are not made easily. But settling for something you don’t want will leave a void. That hollow will grow and ultimately tear the relationship apart. Either that or you will live unfulfilled, numb, a lovelorn sleepwalker. If it does fall to pieces, you’ll wonder why you spent so much time with him to begin with, and all of that time wasted when you should have been looking for someone that fulfills you, and wants the same things you do. Realize that people change their minds. But if you can’t talk about the future with someone, or they have promised you some movement in the past and failed to deliver, then this person is not for you. They don’t have the same goals as you. If you want the right future you may have to sacrifice the present to get to it. Though it hurts in the beginning it is satisfying in the end. For more advice read, The List: 7 Ways to Tell If He’s Going to Marry You – In 30 Days or Less! By Mary Corbett & Sheila Corbett Kihne.

Why TIME’s new Marriage App is a Blessing

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Why TIME’s new Marriage App is a Blessing

TIME magazine has a new Facebook app that, using an algorithm, tells women when it thinks they should get married. It comes to this conclusion using data culled from the women’s Facebook friend’s pages. News of the release of this app sent women in an uproar. Articles were written, lines upon lines of comments were found on forums all over the web asking women what they thought. The app has a few shortfalls. It doesn’t collect any data for people who are too lazy to change their Facebook status, or don’t update it because they believe that information is best kept private.

The true nature of this app is to play on the anxieties of single ladies, and to market products to them. The problem is that some women may also see TIME’s new marriage app as a blessing. It could be a wakeup call for some on how much time you really have. For having children, there is a biological window to produce happy, healthy offspring. This app could help wake a woman up to the fact that she better get a move-on with dating, or else the window might close.

Of course, most women who talk to their doctor about it know that a healthy child can be born well into the late thirties and, with procedures, beyond. The question is, should there be? Will the child get all the care, love, attention and energy from parents that they deserve when the parents might be a little too old to chase after them? Of course this varies from person to person, couple to couple and situation to situation. Extreme cases have hit the news. Biologists tell us that the late teens and early twenties are when women and men are most fertile. However, due to the extensive education needed to perform well in today’s economy, most experts take this into consideration and suggest around the early to mid-thirties as the optimal time to have children.

What gets women irritated is a whiff of being judged. It’s whether or not the app is saying that a woman made a wrong choice to stick with her career rather than have a family. Reasonably, this is a choice that every woman, and to a certain extent man, must make. Of course we don’t want to be reminded of the other path. But it’s there. We should think about it and come to terms with the choices we made. It’s the only way to find peace in our life. So don’t let this app get to you. Stand by your choice and love who you are. Come to terms with any regret or misplaced aggression, and you’ll live a fulfilling and happy life. If you are considering marriage read, 1001 Questions to Ask before You Get Married by Monica Mendez Leahy.

Do Men have a Biological Clock?

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Do Men have a Biological Clock?

Women traditionally were the ones applying pressure to get married so as to have children on or around the peak age range for reproduction. But it was thought that men had all the time in the world. A new book however is turning that idea on its ear.  The Male Biological Clock: The Startling News About Aging, Sexuality, and Fertility in Men states that males over 35 have double the infertility rates as guys ten years their junior. 10% of men trying to become a father are infertile or subfertile, meaning their fertility is below the norm. Men can be just as much the problem as women when it comes to infertility. This is shocking news considering that an inability to conceive was first thought of as a female problem. Of course that doesn’t mean all hope is lost if you are a guy over 35 and wishing to have a child or your man is one. Actor Tony Randle fathered a child at age 72. The famous writer Saul Bellow had a child at a staggering 85. But these men were the exception. The research is incontrovertible. So if you are a guy who wants a family, or attached to one, it’s best to start sooner rather than later. If you are always looking into the future you will be disappointed when the time comes.

Of course there are other issues at play here. The divorce rate is 50%. It takes longer for people in today’s world to start their families. The immense education needed to earn a good living is so much so that most young people are putting off having children until later in life. Most first world countries have a very low birth rate that will get them into trouble as the baby boomer generation continues to retire at massive rates while fewer and fewer young people are there to fill the gap and work to support all the services these retirees will need to keep them going in their golden years. World populations are growing but not in first world nations like most of those in Western Europe, Canada, Japan and the U.S., although America is somewhat insulated from this due to its unique position as a hub for immigration. Russia has a national day for young people to go home and conceive, a holiday that is supposed to stave off the population drain the world’s largest nation is facing. Our economic and political systems have to be changed to make it easier for people to have families and be able to raise them. Without industry and governments working together, and perhaps the governments of many nations coming together to solve this issue, being able to have children during the peak times of fertility may still be out of the hands of many.