Overcoming the Silent Treatment

lichtenstein_silent

Is your spouse or romantic partner giving you the silent treatment? The cold shoulder is a hard nut to crack. They act as if nothing is happening, dealing out passive-aggressiveness nonchalantly, telling you everything is fine when it obviously isn’t. It can be extremely frustrating when your partner has shut you out. Every effort you make seems to have no effect. How do you get them to calm down and open up? If you approach the situation in the wrong way you may even prolong or worsen the problem. Even though it seems futile, there are ways to overcome the silent treatment and get back to being the happy-go-lucky couple you generally are. First, determine if this person is really giving you the silent treatment or if there is something else going on in their life that is making them act this way (wikihow.com). If this is a new relationship or the person is very private and keeps their feelings to themselves, you may not be the target of this but merely the one enduring it. Family problems, personal issues, something that happened at work or at school, troubles with a close friend all can make a person quiet and withdrawn. Depression can make someone act this way, too. Think about what is happening in this person’s life. Most importantly, determine if you are the only target of this behavior. If he or she only gives you the silent treatment, chances are the problem is with you.

If you know what you’ve done to hurt or offend this person, that is one thing. But if you truly don’t know what you did, then you need to carefully evaluate this relationship. Is this person manipulative or controlling? A relationship should be a 50-50 give and take. But if you are always doing things to satisfy them, and you think they overreact to small issues, perhaps it’s time to move on. Look at your own behavior next. What actions have you done to cause the person to act like this? When were they last happy and when did you notice the change? A few things should stick out as the point of contention. Now it is time to confront your partner. Hopefully, you at least have some idea what the issue is. Contemplate what you want to say to them. Don’t get defensive, angry or judgmental. Practice ahead of time if you are worried about not getting it right.

Make sure you speak to them privately when there is little chance of being interrupted. If you can, try to use a little humor to lighten the mood. However, if the person hasn’t reacted favorably in the past, or you fear you won’t do it right, you may skip this part. Begin then, by apologizing. Just say that you are sorry for hurting their feelings, or if something that you did or said hurt them in some way. If you know the reason, state what it is. But if you can’t remember or don’t know, be honest. Tell them that you value the relationship and don’t want them to be hurt or upset. Watch your tone. Avoid confrontation. Let them know how the cold shoulder makes you feel. If they still don’t respond, walk away. Don’t try to initiate again. You’ve done what you needed to do. Now it’s up to them if they want to carry on the relationship, or not. The ball is in their court. If you two are meant to be, then it’s time for them to come out of their shell and start communicating.

Relationship Woes Exasperated by Lack of Sleep

Relationship Woes Lack Sleep

Everyone knows about the importance of a good night’s sleep. It keeps you healthy, your mind clear, brightens your mood and amps up your immune system, making you less susceptible to infection. Sleepy people are grumpy, more anxious, depressed and irritable. But lack of sleep not only affects you, it affects those around you, particularly your romantic partner. A study out of the University of California Berkley found that those who had a poor night’s rest are more likely to start an unnecessary fight with their partner (Hindustan Times). Also, a bad night’s sleep can make lover’s quarrels more severe. Couples who argue more have a less healthy relationship and are less satisfied with it overall.

There have been studies in the past that indicate a lack of sleep having negative consequences on a relationship. However, this study shows how poor slumber can sabotage a couples’ avoidance and argument de-escalation skills. If you have had a poor night’s sleep, be aware of this study and try to avoid unnecessary fights. Arguments that have been building or subjects that need to be addressed in a relationship should also be consciously put aside at this time. Wait until you or your partner have had a good night’s sleep and are in a good mood for broaching such subjects, should you want your relationships to survive and thrive. If you or your significant other has sleep issues, consult a physician. Occasional insomnia is suffered by many. There are a lot of treatment options, some natural and others developed by modern science. Explore these options and see what’s right for you. Your relationship may be better off if you can find ways of dealing with insomnia, managing your time wisely, and penciling in some much needed shut eye.

You And Your Spouse Are Not Allowed To Destroy Or Damage Marital Property Against Each Other’s Will Or Without Court Approval

damaged property

If you leave the marital residence but cannot take all of your belongings with you, your ex is not allowed to destroy, damage, or remove the property without first getting your consent or court approval.  The argument may arise that you took too long to gather your things, but this will likely not hold up in a court of law.  If being around your belongings is bothering your ex, he or she can file a complaint with the court to get those things removed in one way or another.

By no means should you do anything to destroy or damage any property belonging to your ex OR property that was shared while you were married.  Keep in mind that all property shared during the marriage, even if you bought it with your own money for just yourself, is considered marital property, and therefore could be subject to equitable distribution.   If any of this property is destroyed, you could be held liable for it, and have to pay much more than what the property was actually worth.

During a divorce, it’s important to be cautious in all areas of your life because there are new rules that apply.