Advanced Level Icebreakers

First-Impression

Advanced Level Icebreakers

Cheesy pickup lines don’t cut it anymore, if they ever did. People read dating profiles and meet people so fast nowadays it’s hard to stick out. Sure, it can be cute if someone cuts right to the chase with you. But more often than not you have to dazzle them. And in this millisecond attention span world, if you want to get with the best in the dating pool, you’d better wow them. Here are some icebreakers for those at the advanced level. Use these wisely. First, really observe them. Whether you’ve seen this person from afar and have been plotting, or they just caught your eye, see what it is you can connect with. Is there something in their outfit, a hat, shoelaces or anything in-between you can identify with or start a conversation about? Even if you tell them that you bought the same scarf for your grandfather, it’s funny and you’re starting a conversation. Just make sure you follow up with something a bit complimentary or you might be insulting them. Next up, don’t play too cool for school. If you aren’t engaged you aren’t connecting with the person. Be fun, personable, and let your personality shine. You want to be friendly and approachable or else you’ll be turning folks away before you even know that you have.

Ask them questions about themselves. One topic everyone is knowledgeable about and can talk about for hours is him or herself. It’s a subject no one ever tires over. Tell them they remind you of a celebrity. Then ask what celebrity they’d want to be and why. A little while on tell them you think their fascinating and ask them about their dreams. You’ll have their phone number before you know it. Why not accidentally eavesdrop on the object of your affection, sidle in and say something witty, or insightful. Follow up with them in a later conversation. They’ll be warming up to you before you know it. Remember to be interested in the person genuinely. If you objectify them you are also disrespecting them. Your intentions will be known and you’ll be shot down. But if you show genuine interest in the person, that will be recognized and get you through. If you can’t think of anything clever and your mind draws a blank, perhaps comment on your surroundings. How beautiful or dreadfully ugly the décor is for instance is a good one. Then introduce yourself. You’ve had a moment and now you’re talking. But always find some common ground, and listen intently. Too many people aren’t listened to in this world. You’ll be surprised how far it will get you. For more on this topic, read Dating Icebreakers: 700 Relationship Questions by Kerri Wood Thomson.

What Men Like Most about Women

flirt

You’ve seen those commercials, a femme fatale strolls confidently down the street as all the male heads snap toward her so fast they’re liable to get a neck injury. But the truth is, though beauty and a nice figure can draw a guy in, it’s personality traits that perpetuate his interest in you. No amount of beauty can overcome shallowness, greed, self-centeredness, a bad temper and many other negative traits. Though these drive men away, women often wonder what qualities men like most about women. Accentuate these qualities in yourself and you’ll soon find more male suitors than you know what to do with. Guys like ladies who have a great attitude. It may sound unsurprising but a quick look around will reveal how many people slump or grumble through life. If she’s fun, lighthearted, breezy and slightly playful, she’ll soon find men hanging around just to be near her. Confidence is another factor. A shy girl that hides in the corner has difficulty getting noticed. We all feel shy sometimes. But if you take the courage to strike up a conversation, or angle yourself in a position to be noticed and have him strike one up, even just ask him for help with something, the guy will feel encouraged and will most probably approach. Do things to ramp up your confidence. Dress well, get a hairstyle that fits you and if you don’t feel it, fake it until you make it, for shy and confidently aloof can appear the same.

A slight flirtation can get a man’s pulse to quicken. A slight raise of the eyebrows at a witty remark, a nibble of the lower lip or a pursing of the lips when in deep thought, smiling, laughing, hanging on to his words, touching his arm or brushing up against his shoulder will all make him notice you in a subtle and provocative way. Be smooth and subtle but show a little skin. Going too far is a cry for attention and may dilute what you are trying to get across. Instead, take stock of your assets and find out how you can accentuate them without going overboard. A little cleavage or a little leg can go a long way. If a guy you are interested in flirts with you, flirt back. It doesn’t have to be intense. A smile, a little eye contact, a mysterious wink or a seductive glance can draw him in like metal to a magnet. Lastly, use the power of your voice. Lots of women don’t realize how her words or the sound of her voice affect a man. Just speaking in a way that elicits interest can keep the boys hunkered around your cubicle wondering when the best time to ask you out is. You don’t have to change your voice. Just understand that a mild little joke, a whispered secret, a tantalizing tale or a quick little compliment can get a man’s heart racing. For more guidance on how to attract men, read the advice of Bob Grant in his book, The Attraction Factor- 4 Simple Yet Powerful Principles That Will Melt Any Man’s Heart.

Guys Are Drawn to the Damsel in Distress

damsel-in-distress

So many movies are the same. The lovely young maiden is trapped by the evil wretched villain. Her only hope, a knight in shining armor who swoops in to vanquish his opponent, free his lady love, sweep her up into his arms and ride off with her clutching him as the sun sets and the credits roll. But it isn’t just Hollywood that’s obsessed with the damsel in distress, guys fall for this female character, too. Many women, particularly in the West who are independent and can take care of themselves, hate this stereotypical heroine, and Hollywood and other media sources have heard and adjusted. This phenomenon still hangs on. So why are guys drawn to the damsel in distress? Mostly it’s because it makes him feel manly to be able to swoop in and save her. It makes him feel wanted, needed, important, a hero. It also makes her look feminine to him. Men throughout the ages have been traditionally the protectors and providers. Women, whether the modern feminist minded want to admit it or not, are also attracted to men who can make them feel safe and secure. Helping boosts a man’s ego. But saving a woman whom he also finds irresistible, that is a recipe for a man in love. Another thing, it’s easy to approach this woman. She needs help and he can provide it. It puts him at a superior standing.

This feeling of being a man, of doing manly things and becoming secured in one’s manliness helps to build the male ego. When he feels important, wanted, needed, and essential it feeds his ego, makes him feel manly and gives him a sense of pride that he is doing something good for a woman who deserves his services. The trick is to be a damsel in distress and at the same time not to be needy. This is easier said than done. Guys do want a woman to be independent. He wants her generally to have her own friends, career and passions in life. But he doesn’t want to feel as though she doesn’t need him at all. If you want to get closer to him but still maintain your independence, simply ask for his help in something. It could be a little matter. To fix something, ask for help in using a technical piece of equipment for instance if you are both working in the office together. The copier is always a source of consternation for any office worker. If there isn’t anything mechanical or technical around, ask for his advice or opinion on something. Thank him later on and let him know how much he helped. Once you’ve primed his ego in this manner he’s bound to warm to you. Remember not to use this all the time if you happen to be dating a guy or else you may come off as needy. But a little request for help now and then can pique his interest in you and let him know he’s needed and desired. For more tips on how to attract a man, read the advice of Ellen Dugan in her book, How To Enchant A Man: Spells to Bewitch, Bedazzle & Beguile.

Become a Social Butterfly to Get Dates

People Dancing at a Discotheque

Social butterflies are those lucky people who get invited to all the best parties, soirées, box socials and get-togethers. They are generally gregarious, stylish, charming and popular. They also get lots of dates. And it stands to reason, not only for having these great social qualities but the fact that they meet lots of people. It’s just the rule of averages, the more people you meet the more likely your chance of finding someone attractive who is attracted to you. Why not try to become a social butterfly then, improve your career through networking and your social life by making more friends and getting more dates? But how do you become a social butterfly? First, consider if you really have what it takes to be one. Of course, everyone can put in a little more effort to have a vibrant social life. But if you are an introvert by nature and have a difficult time making small talk, perhaps work on your social skills and improve your lot, but don’t shoot for being an absolute social butterfly. Instead, build a social life that reflects who you are and your values. If you have all the makings of a social butterfly but need to amp up your game, read on. Next, change your mindset. See yourself being a successful social butterfly. Focus on why you want to be one and what you have to do to accomplish this goal.

Remember, a social butterfly tries to talk with everyone. If you are a wallflower or only like talking to people you know, this won’t work for you. You have to be comfortable in your own skin to be a social butterfly. Don’t worry about embarrassing yourself. If you do, just laugh about it, make a joke of it, and hold your head up high. You will win people over. They’ll love your resilience. Dress the part. Make sure you are striking and fashionable. That doesn’t mean to change yourself completely or your style. Just turn it up. Make it chic. Introduce them to the newest version of you. Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone else. Take compliments gracefully. Listen generally to others. Be positive. Learn to read other people, their tone, facial expressions, body language and gestures. Find out what the group dynamic is and where you can fit in. Remember to use your body language and eye contact to your advantage. Flirt. Everyone likes to be flirted with. And you can quickly gauge who is interested in you and who isn’t. Be comfortable approaching people. Do something fun, funny, touching or whimsical and get yourself in the spotlight. You will be attracting people and getting phone numbers before you know it. Get to know all the social events, friend’s parties, Meetup groups, Eventbrites and other things you are interested in. And soon you’ll have more dates than you know what to do with. For more insight on how to be more social and get dates, read the advice of Susan Rabin and Barbara Lagowski in their book, 101 Ways to Flirt: How to Get More Dates and Meet Your Mate.

Personality Traits that Attract Men

positive

There’s always that one girl who has that spark. She can pick up guys without even trying. Others have to do a lot to get noticed. What gives? Well there are certain personality traits that attract men. It’s clearly not only about looks. And when it comes to settling down, there are certain characteristics a man looks for in a woman. Of course, don’t change your personality for anyone. But you can accentuate these traits, as they are already within you. And they won’t only help your love life, they’ll help in other aspects as well. Always be ready to have fun.  A guy likes a woman he can bring anywhere, from the beach to a fancy dinner, to a family gathering or a kegger at his best friend’s house. If you are up for anything, and always ready to have fun, guys will be instantly attracted to you. Of course men love independent women. If you have a career, a vibrant social life and your own passions and pursuits, guys would love to talk to you about them. Try acting a little bit playful and girly, if you’re the serious type. It lets guys know that you aren’t an ice queen, and that you’re approachable. Be resourceful. No man wants to end up with a woman he has to solve every problem for. And beyond that, a little resourcefulness is exciting and makes him feel good about you.  Patience goes a long way. If you are barking orders at the waiter versus using your manners and being patient, guys notice. You would, too.

Be positive. Nobody likes a Debbie downer. And no guy wants to date her. Positivity is really attractive. Even if you are talking about problems and complaints, which are totally allowed, try to end them on a positive note. “It’ll all be okay.” A simple thing like giving a guy eye contact will make you much more attractive. Try and consciously look a guy in the eye. Eye contact from across the room is good, too. Just a quick two seconds and look away then look back and see if he does, too. Smile. There’s nothing that warms a man’s heart like a simple smile. Make eye contact with the one you’re interested in, smile and look away. If he doesn’t approach you, he wasn’t worth it anyway. But chances are he’ll come over or at least buy you a drink. Act courteously. Believe it or not men notice this. If you and another group arrive at a restaurant at the same time, and you let the other group go first, men notice. But if you are going to fight tooth and nail, men notice this, too. When a woman loves herself, even for her faults, she radiates an irresistible confidence and self-assurance. Everyone notices this and wants to get to know you better. Be ready to start a conversation if the one you want approaches you but flounders on the follow up. Be just a little bit sassy. A healthy attitude can be alluring. If you want to get to know him, ask him about himself. How simple is that? A well posited question at the right time can get you two talking, and him to notice you. You can learn even more on how to attract men by reading books, such as What Men Want: The Essential Guide on How to Attract Men…and Keep Them! by James Taylor.