Can Hunger Cause Divorce?

Hangry

Arguments certainly aren’t good for any relationship. Usually, if you look close, there’s either another reason behind the argument or a simple miscommunication fired off an unneeded tiff. It’s good to follow your fight patterns and look for the origins. This can help prevent divorce by eliminating unnecessary fights, promoting more peace, well-being and a deeper connection. The real reason why you may be lashing out at your spouse is because you’re experiencing low blood sugar, according to one study. More people are irritable when they are hungry says research recently published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 107 married couples took part in this three week study. Once per day for those 21 days each partner had to stick pins in a voodoo doll to show how irritated they were with their partner. The more pins, the angrier they were. Blood sugar or glucose levels were also taken. This is one of the best indicators for when you are hungry. The feeling of hunger is actually generated in the body once blood sugar drops below a certain level. When glucose levels were low researchers found a spouse was angrier at their mate.

In the second part of this experiment the spouses played a game where they raced one another to see who could push a button faster when a character appeared on their monitor. The truth was the computer let each person win 50% of the time. When a spouse won they could play an annoying sound at their spouse at any volume and for as long as they wanted. Hungry spouses displayed more aggressive behavior. Professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University Brad Bushman, Ph.D. wrote in a press release, “Even though the brain is only 2 percent of our body weight, it consumes about 20 percent of our calories. It is a very demanding organ when it comes to energy.” When glucose levels are normal then some of the behavior your significant other displays may irk you. But when your glucose levels drop, suddenly you can’t hold out anymore and you lash out, causing a fight, and perhaps hurt feelings. What are some of the things you can do to keep your blood sugar at an even keel? Try to avoid snacking on junk food. Sugary, salt-laden snacks with tons of fat in them can take your blood sugar on a roller coaster ride. Try eating small, healthy snacks of fruit, dried fruit, nuts and vegetables throughout the day. Don’t stay hungry too long. Don’t skip meals. Eat a healthy diet and make sure your blood sugar stays even, and your marriage should stay even keeled right along with it. For more advice on managing your anger, read Ending Anger: The Couple’s Guide by Suzanne A. Bare, MA.

React Calmly to Your Lover’s Confession

RELATIONSHIP-PROBLEMS

We all have a past. Like it or not, you have one and your lover has one, too. In that, if you want to grow closer, you will over time reveal your secrets, as will your partner. This building of trust and vulnerability is the path to intimacy, a relationship’s highest goal. So how you react to your sweetie’s unloading can make or break a relationship. You need to react calmly to your lover’s confession. But how can you keep yourself in control when at the moment you are about to hear one of their deepest, darkest secrets your heart is pounding at a mile a minute? Certainly, revealing the skeleton’s in one’s closet is not easy. It shows a lot of trust and commitment for them to tell you. If you follow this advice, you’ll have the best outcome. First, pick a good, convenient time to discuss it. It should be when neither are in a rush or stressed out. Remember that no matter what they say, don’t get heated or upset. Take a step back and evaluate the information. Don’t try to dig for information that only concerns you. Instead, see it from your lover’s point of view. How would you feel if you were in their shoes? If the confession is about sex, don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.

Respect your partner’s privacy. Don’t push too hard for them to reveal details you really want to know. Instead, accept the confession gracefully. Allow them time to sort their feelings out. Confessing can be quite emotional. Give them a little space and let them feel comfortable. If they are worth your time, they will soon be giving you the details you want. If not, gently ask. If they get too defensive, back off and give them some space, then approach the subject again later. Don’t walk away from a lover’s confession. It can be difficult to hear what they have to say, but if you walk out on them they will shut down and it will damage the relationship, perhaps irreparably. You could make them feel hurt, guilty, or even angry. Don’t ask why they hadn’t told you earlier. Never use the information they confessed against them, say in a heated argument. This will put distance in the relationship, rather than bringing you two together. Perhaps they didn’t have the courage at the time to tell you, or never found the right moment. Don’t blame them for confessing. Invite confessions and openness into your relationship. Do not share the information your partner has confessed with anyone. Eventually it will get back to them and they will feel betrayed. By reacting to a confession the right way, you will strengthen the relationship and grow closer. For more trust-building tips, read the advice of Ashley Rosebloom in her book, Building Relationship Trust- 100 Quick Tips on How to Build, Maintain and Regain Trust in a Relationship.

Calming Down when you’re Angry at your Spouse

angry

Sometimes it seems like no one on earth can make you angry like your spouse can. They really know how to push the right buttons. And since you live together and see each other all of the time, reminders of your anger can be relentless. But getting over anger and resolving issues quickly, conscientiously, and with the utmost care is one of the secrets of a great marriage. But you can’t work things out while you’re still mad. Your anger will cloud your judgment. Here’s how to calm down when you’re angry at your spouse so you can have a healthier, happier marriage. First, instead of bursting out into a comment or a string of them that will insult your spouse and make matters worse, hold your tongue. Tell them that you are feeling very angry and need some time to sort out your feelings. Then get out of there. You can revisit the issue when you are calmer, have worked through your feelings and know exactly what you want to say, and what will make things better on your spouse’s end such as an apology, fixing a situation, buying a new one of whatever they’ve broken,  or what have you. There are many different techniques you can use to calm down that aren’t bad for you. Taking it out on someone who doesn’t deserve it or grabbing for unhealthy alternatives to assuage how you feel are not good techniques.

Instead, go for a walk. Count down from fifty. Listen to a song or some songs that have meaning for you and soothe you. Try to learn meditation if you are interested, or take up yoga. Chanting is good at focusing the mind, soothing it and relieving stress as well. Cry and let it out. Write down your feelings. Go for a run or exercise, just be sure not to overdo it or strain yourself. Sometimes just stepping into or sitting in a dark room for a few minutes and listening to your breathing and bringing it slowly down can help calm you. Another good technique is deep breathing exercises. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for eight, and release that breath for another four seconds. You will soon feel the tension leave all your limbs, your chest, back and belly. You will be thinking more clearly, with all the access oxygen rushing toward your brain. Go to a natural environment and go for a hike. Use positive self-talk and bring out your positive feelings. Once you are calm, take a step back, sort out your feelings, and find the quickest, clearest and simplest way to say what you are feeling, what went wrong, and what needs to happen to make things right. Sometimes we aren’t even mad at our spouse, and when we take a step back we suddenly realize it’s the situation we’re angry at, not them. But without that moment of tranquility and reflection, you’ll have jumped down their throat without realizing. For more tips on how to control your anger, read the advice of Matthew McKay and Peter Rogers in their book, The Anger Control Workbook.

Communicating with an Angry Spouse

angryspouse

We all try to remain calm, cool and collected. But there are so many stresses in today’s world. Sometimes we all fly off the handle, or even lash out at someone we care about as a way to vent. It can be hard to communicate with an angry spouse, particularly if you don’t know why they are angry. The first step is to remain calm. Too many people respond by getting angry themselves. This only makes things worse. They will feed off your anger, becoming enraged. This is a vicious cycle. Instead, take a deep breath, step back, put your arms up and call a time out. Let them know that you love them and only want to help. Ask them why they are so angry. They may think you already know or should know. Do not be sarcastic or patronizing. Don’t be condescending either. Certainly do not tell them that they are acting irrationally. These will only make matters worse. If they think you should know, apologize, and tell them you want to know because you want to help them. Give them a minute. Invite them to sit down. Ask if they want to collect their thoughts. You can get them a glass of water, or some tea. This should make them feel better. Everyone likes to feel taken care of. Your kindness, patience and consideration will be much appreciated once in hindsight.

Do not try to aggravate them. Listen attentively. They need to be heard and their concerns, validated. Let them know you understand how they feel. They may just need to talk it out in order to sort out their feelings. Let them know you are there for them. If they are blaming you for something you didn’t really do wrong, do not apologize. Instead, try to sort it out. Ask questions and prove deeper. It may merely be a matter of misunderstanding or misinterpreting something you said or did. Don’t argue, it will only make matters worse. Remind them that you are their partner, not their adversary. You should be playing on the same team. If you get them to calm down, give them a hug and let them feel how much you care about them. When things are fine again, it’s time to discuss the manner in depth. You may need to give your spouse some time. Decide how to avoid this situation in the future. Listen carefully to one another and don’t interrupt. Be free of judgment and hear them out, but also compromise and negotiate. Why not brainstorm ways to handle the issue in the future? That way you can avoid this happening again. If your spouse has lots of these incidents, discuss better ways to communicate so that you don’t have this problem again in the future. If it is a serious issue, or they are prone to histrionics, urge them to seek help. If this is a high conflict relationship, do not stand for abuse. But if this is an uncommon occurrence, realize that we are all human. Our emotions get the better of us now and then. Expect them to be there for you, too. For more insight on how to communicate with an angry spouse, read the advice of W. Doyle Gentry, PhD in his book, When Someone You Love Is Angry.

Ladies, don’t get Angry at Him for These

Man holding clothes by a changing room

Women seem to be connected to natural forces that men fail to understand, or have any notion of. This is true with human behavior, child rearing, all the many places woman’s intuition seems to make an appearance, and more. But they are also more emotional than men. Guys in the know expect a certain amount of friction when a disagreement comes up. But there are certain situations where a woman gets mad at her guy when she shouldn’t. Ladies, don’t get angry at him for these. You will look wrong and be wrong. Instead, take a deep breath, step back and reevaluate how you feel. You’ll see where he’s coming from, and your relationship will sail forward much more smoothly. When he tells you that you are being unreasonable even though it seems impossible, try to calm down and believe him. Nothing generally makes a woman angrier. It’s like throwing a lit match into a field of dry grass. Guys normally don’t say this unless he and others around you believe it. So do your best to keep it together. Or else go scream in the ladies room and then come back. The truth is, whoever you are dating notices how you act at the worst moments. They wonder, will she have my back when things get rough? Or will I end up consoling her and mitigating the situation all at once? No one wants a victim to save when they can have a partner at their side instead. Think about it.

If you are on a diet, trying to quit smoking, or keeping yourself from something and you decide to instead indulge a teensy bit, and he tries to keep you from it or remind you just because he cares, don’t lash out at him for taking that tiny little moment of naughty bliss away. See if from his point of view. You told him you were doing this and he is trying to be supportive. Men can’t always tell the delicate nuances or little battles going on in your head. So realize this, take a deep breath, and don’t get mad. Thank him for being there for you. Then let him know you are cheating just this once. Or cheat with your girlfriends instead. Don’t freak out if your boyfriend is still friends with his ex. It may drive you crazy, thinking that she wants him to be with her. But there isn’t much you can do about it. And if you complain it will give her fuel to whisper about you in his ear. He may even label you controlling. Just take a deep breath and pretend it doesn’t bother you. Rise above. Don’t get mad when one of your friends is acting like a fool, and instead of ignoring it and hoping it would go away as is your tactic, he takes a stand against them. What kind of friend are you to let them get away with that? Also realize that your guy has a great sense of justice, is brave, and isn’t afraid to speak out for what is right. You should be proud of him and proud to date him. Lastly, if you bring your guy somewhere he isn’t interested in being, and he looks completely disinterested but is there to support you, don’t get mad. Sigh and realize that this isn’t his scene. If he’s making a good effort then understand that he’s making that effort for you. Appreciate it. For more insight on the way men behave in certain situations, read the advice of Jay Simcic in his book, Mancode Secrets Revealed- Relationship Advice For Women.