If you are over 50 dating can be a whole different world. Most people are independent at this age, perhaps with adult-age children who are hopefully out of the house by now. These are the divorced empty nesters. They don’t take any guff and know exactly what they are looking for. Today, it’s much easier than in the past because of the internet. But even then sometimes there’s no one that strikes our fancy. A lot of singles in this age group don’t want to be alone but don’t want to feel as though they are settling either. It isn’t easy but a lot of people get in their own way, too. Here is some advice for those dating over 50. First, consider the law of attraction. What you focus on in your life is what you bring into your world. If you are focused on the idea that there are no good men or women left then that is the situation you will dwell in. But if you are secure and happy, entering into each situation in an open-minded and lighthearted way then perhaps the right person will find you. That’s because this newfound positivity will sooner or later attract those who are also secure, open and happy, the exact type most of us would like to date.
Consider how you feel about dating. It often fills 50-somethings with anxiety. Sometimes we just have an unlucky streak. If that’s the case, it’s a good idea to put dating aside and later on try again. When you come back to it in a week or two with fresh eyes, take a look at your meeting and selection process. Consider reworking your dating profile. What does it say about you? Who does it attract? Perhaps freshen it up with a new photo, an anecdote or insight and then ask a friend their opinion on it. A lot of people at this stage are afraid. They’ve lost out in one or more serious relationships. They may be bitter or carrying baggage. Perhaps they feel as though they’ve been through the meat grinder and don’t want to do it again. This idea that there is no one of high enough quality is a projection we use to protect ourselves from certain fears about love, while also protecting our status. Here, it isn’t us that have the problem but the available dating pool. Sooner or later those that say these things start to sound like a broken record. It becomes a battle worn, thin piece of armor other minds can easily pierce. Instead, jettison excuses. Deal with whatever interworking makes you feel negative or reticent. Talk it out with someone and work toward a new perspective on your life and your love life, one that’s positive and edifying.
Dating at this age is not easy. We often run in the same circles. Start to break out. Explore new hobbies or old ones you put aside in the days of yesteryear when the demands of kids and career got in the way. Read articles and books about dating at this age. Attend singles events. Try a different website or app for meeting someone new. Pursue interests that are social through Eventbrite, Meetup, a local civic organization or a charity close to your heart. Network with friends and others to see if they know someone who is single that would be a good match. Those who are friends will have other friends who you might have things in common with. Another thing, don’t so easily cast others aside. Some people make their wants and desires in a mate so extensive that they price themselves out of the market. Everyone is imperfect. But judgment has to be set aside for an exploration of who exactly the other person is. A first date is like an initial interview. Often it tells you little of the person before you. Give it until the third date before you say no for sure. Some of the happiest couples weren’t so hot for each other when they first met. It takes time for anxiety to wane, understanding to grow and love to blossom. For more advice for those of the female persuasion pick up a copy of,The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Menby Lisa Copeland.
When it comes to dating after 50, it’s all about tolerance. There are things you can tolerate and things you can’t. The trick is to figure out which is which. Do you have qualities the other person just has to have such as the same culture or religion? This isn’t a line of thinking that goes with any one sex. Both men and women have deal breakers. Women sometimes hang on to relationships that aren’t good for them, though some men do it too. They think they can change the person they are dating. With the right kind of love, and since you are the right kind of person you think you’ll change them. But frustration builds and actually hurts the relationship when these plans don’t work. They simply can’t work. Because the problem is that no one can change unless they come to the conclusion themselves, the old lead a horse to water model. There are women who decide settling is better than being alone, and that she’s with a good man. The truth is for people over 50 today, with the divorce rate so high, there are lots of people to date. There are also lots of ways to meet people. So there is no reason to feel cornered.
The stereotype is that men of a certain age only look to date younger women. But the truth is lots of older guys like to date women their own age or even a little older. We aren’t talking about the cougar phenomenon here. These are middle aged to older men. First, it’s hard for these men to relate to a younger woman. Sure she has sex appeal. But even so, a man wants to have stimulating conversation over the dinner table as much as a woman does. Instead, a man of a certain age wants a companion as well as a lover. He wants a best friend whom he can share his life with. One of the sexiest things to a man is when he can make a woman laugh. When she gets his jokes, he feels amazing. And women find funny men very attractive. But younger women won’t get these jokes. They probably don’t know the same cultural references. This is a turnoff. Baby boomer men like women that don’t take off at the first whiff of trouble. They have stronger wills and are more capable than those that came after. There are plenty of other reasons why women over 50 are great to date if you are a man of a certain age.
Women over 50 are more centered in their lives. They know who they are and what they want. They don’t just want a warm body next to them, they want a true companion. They know their likes and dislikes by now. They know what their needs are and how to best fulfill them so all the guesswork that makes younger women so hard to deal with has been taken out of the equation. Generally speaking they don’t have a huge checklist of standards in order to be a possible love interest either. Women over 50 are generally self-sufficient and looking for a mate and companion, not an ego boost or a meal ticket. Boomer women are more forgiving and more understanding. But younger women are still developing these skills. If you have ED or some other issue, women at this age will be much more understanding of health issues. Sex isn’t as big of a deal as it once was. A boomer woman who is single was probably already married. Therefore, the pressure to get married again probably isn’t there. Instead, she wants a companion who she can enjoy spending time with. Woman around this age aren’t looking for the handsome, young rebel or the superstar. Instead they look at the real person inside and judge from that whether or not they want to be with him. For more on this topic, read Dating After 50 For Dummiesby Pepper Schwartz.