Are you getting over someone, starting over and finding it difficult to handle the transition? A major breakup or a divorce can leave you with so many unanswered questions. You deal with resentment, insecurity, misplaced anger, maybe even guilt. Not knowing how to sort through these feelings makes the healing process a struggle. It’s like walking through untrodden territory. You don’t know what to do or how to handle it. Every breakup and every person experiencing it is different. But there are some generalities. If you learn how to speed up your recovery, you can handle your breakup better, feel better faster and be on your way to a much better place in your life. First, understand that you need a leap of faith. That’s faith in yourself and your ability to bounce back. But really whether you can do a complete turnaround or if you fall on your face and fail to get up, all depends upon you. Why not decide to stand up, fix yourself up, put your game face on and move forward with your head held high? Even if you don’t feel that way, fake it until you make it. Acting put together will make you feel that way too, at least when you are out in public. If you need to talk you can do so with friends or other confidants.
Don’t wallow in your regrets. Constantly obsessing over what should have been done, what one should have said at a certain time and so on is an illusion. Generally it isn’t one event that breaks a couple up but a series of things that well up until the relationship is no longer viable. Examine your regrets for what knowledge you can gain for future relationships, learning how to deal with a particular situation. But also learn when it’s time to let things go. Playing a scene over and over in your mind is only going to torture you. Learn your lessons and move on. If there are thoughts you try to ignore but can’t get out of your head, assign yourself a worry time. This is a scheduled time once a day or even once a week where you spend your time worrying and getting it all out of the way. Once you’ve had that catharsis, it’s time to make positive plans, get busy and go about your day. Meditation can also work wonders should you be so inclined. Think about where you are headed. Form some goals that you want to reach and think about how to get there. Volunteer and get a new perspective on life. Get yourself in the right mindset to be a healthy, happy, positive person who is enthusiastic about the future. Acquire some healthy hobbies you can do when you are stressed or just feel bad. Lots of people go for comfort food, alcohol, smoking or some other unhealthy habit. Instead try a run, pushups, getting a massage once per week, treating yourself to an afternoon at the batting cages or run off and go fishing, whatever it is that’s positive that can also clear your mind and relax you. Get motivated about changing your life, embracing the new, sexy, single you and enjoying yourself. You are a free, independent person. Your fate is up to you. Make your life a great one. For more on this topic, read Peg Streep’s Mastering the Art of Quitting: Why It Matters in Life, Love, and Work.