There are lots of reasons people settle for less in their relationships. Some people believe they won’t be loved by anyone else. Others fear being single. Still others think that they’ve committed some unforgivable transgression and that they owe their partner. Your significant other may be good looking, successful, funny and charming. Others may have even convinced you to stay even though you’ve considered leaving.
Still, no matter how great they are if you still feel a cold, hollow place in your heart as you continue to stick with them, you may be doing yourself, and them, more harm than good. That’s because you won’t give the relationship your best. And those unfulfilled spaces will still need to be filled, whether you ignore them or not, which can lead to infidelity and a host of other issues. The relationship will eventually flounder because people put into them what they get out of them. If your partner senses that you are unfulfilled they will give less, you will do so in return and the relationship will eventually come apart. Often when we’re settling we justify it to ourselves and exist in denial. So how do you know if you are settling in your relationship? Here are the signs.
How do you feel when you think about the relationship? Does it edify you or make you sad? Does your partner challenge you, support you, and try to make you the best person you can be? The trouble could be that your partner is too focused on their own situation, or that they are too critical and this can weigh heavily on the relationship. Do you feel you have to become a different person, changing your dreams, values and objectives to be acceptable to your partner? Is there a level of physical or emotional abuse? If so, this relationship is codependent. That means you serve your partner, putting their needs, wants and desires ahead of yours. You definitely need to get out of a codependent relationship. They will try to suck you back in. But in the end this type of relationship is toxic. You will never enjoy it, nor will you be free.
Another problem you should never put up with is repeated infidelity. If your partner has cheated more than once, even after you’ve given them another chance or more than one, it’s time to kick them to the curb. They are not trustworthy, and trust should be the bedrock of any relationship. If you feel that you give too much and get too little in return, it’s a clear sign that you are settling. For more advice read, Don’t Settle for Any Old Soulmate by L. R. Lawrence.