Those who have the distinct displeasure know all too well, a divorce is gut wrenchingly painful. But for those who can come to terms with their grief and pain and heal, there are a lot of advantages to be found on the other side. It doesn’t look like it at first. Many people, even in the aftermath of a hellish divorce years ago, still sit alone decrying their fate. In fact, a newly minted singlehood can be the best thing that ever happened to you. In years past, marriage was a financial arrangement and a social institution. Today, no one has to be locked into it. Everyone has the chance to find their own happiness. But we take our freedom for granted. We continue to bemoan our fate. Nowadays, we have dating apps and websites, along with traditional ways to meet people. We can take care of ourselves, and choose the right person for us, instead of just taking whoever happens to come along. The divorced sometimes wrestle with feeling like damaged goods. But it’s not true. In fact, once the pain is gone, you will probably be better at relationships now than you ever were before. Unfortunately, single people are maligned in our society. It is as if there is something wrong with them. But in fact, a lot of amazing people choose to be single, or at least for certain periods. They know that only the right person is worth getting serious with. Here are some other reasons you should celebrate your new singlehood.
Ever need someone to watch the kids? Now you have an automatic, go-to babysitter. Granted it’s not ideal. But it is not a bad deal either, especially if you are trying to get your love life humming again. But don’t be the type of parent always pushing the kids off on your ex. Be sure to use your power wisely. Remember walking around and seeing what a mess your partner left? Now, if you are the neat and tidy type, I bet the place is all squared away. And look at how much space you have, and all that closet space. Even if you moved to a new place, it’s good to admit that there’s nobody else’s junk clogging up the place. That’s a huge plus, and a reason to go shopping. Stretch out on the bed. You don’t have to huddle in a corner anymore. Use as many covers as you want. No snoring is great, isn’t it? Was there an annoying habit your ex had like leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to put the cap back on the toothpaste? You won’t have to deal with it, ever again. Was there a certain habit or hobby that your ex didn’t like? If so, now is the time to embrace it. When it comes to watching something on TV or ordering take out, you can watch or get whatever you want, without having to argue or negotiate with anyone. It won’t matter what episodes you’re ex has or hasn’t seen, they won’t be there, and this should make you smile.
For those who have been through a controlling relationship, know that you won’t have to explain yourself anymore. You don’t have to call, or check in. You can be treated like an adult and do your own thing, without feeling an overbearing force looming over you. For those who felt as though they were a parent to their ex-spouse, now you are free of this child, or the additional one. You can live in the world of adults again. Just make sure that the next time you are going through the selection process to date someone who is mature. The best part about being newly single is you don’t have to answer to anyone. You can do whatever you wish, when you want, how you want, and with who you want. Instead of looking back on what you have lost, look at all you have gained. There aren’t many times in life where you get a second chance or a blank slate. Take advantage of it, make plans, outline all the steps, and get to work on building the life you always dreamed of. Now no one is standing in your way anymore.
For more on advice for life on the other side of divorce read, Your Post-Divorce Compass Practical, Real-World Advice for the Newly Single by Michael R. Dunham.