Anyone who has gone through a divorce will tell you how painful and draining the process is, financially, physically and emotionally. Lots of people are staying permanently separated today to avoid such pain. Others find it a reason to reinvest in their marriage. Many people believe you should give a marriage every possible chance before divorcing. Others believe that if marriage isn’t giving you fulfillment or happiness why stay married? Though we all have to deal with the practicalities of our situations in life, considering our financial and emotional well-being in terms of a divorce, and of course not every divorce is contentious.
That said, at what point should marital problems lead to divorce? That is a different line for every couple, considering their reasons for divorcing, their financial and emotional reserves, how antagonistic the relationship is and so on. If there is still love there but the spark is dead, there are ways to reignite it. If there is a lack of communication, it can be resolved. But there are certain issues that cannot. Long conversations, marriage counseling, even a trial separation can work wonders. But if one of these issues creeps in, divorce is a better option.
Is your spouse abusive to the children, you or themselves? If this is the case, divorce is a far better option. Abuse can never be tolerated. This sort of household dynamic is toxic for everyone and cannot be resolved. Get out immediately. If neither one of you feel you want to be in the marriage anymore, that it doesn’t fulfill either one of you in any way, and you are just going through the motions for some sense of duty, get out. The truth is you can’t fake marriage. And if it has no flavor for you or your spouse it’s just going to wear on you until it becomes toxic. If there is nothing to reinvest in, simply move on.
As we grow older we change. We get a different set of wants, needs, values and desires. But if our spouse is unable to accommodate something that is very important to us, and we are unwilling to accommodate one of their needs, divorce may be the only answer. Another marriage ender is a total lack of respect for one another. If you two exchange a half dozen barbs before breakfast, this marriage is suffering from irreconcilable differences. The level of antagonism has reached the level of toxicity. There is no saving the patient. Lastly, if you don’t agree on whether to have children or not, this is definitely a deal breaker. One or another of you will regret and blame the other. Instead, find someone you are compatible with who shares your outlook on children. For more advice read, Before You Throw in the Towel: Twelve Things You Should Consider Before Filing for Divorce by Bob Moorehead.