Make an Affair a Learning Experience


Are you in the midst of an affair or have you just finished one? If you have, you need to consider it carefully. Don’t ignore the reasons why it occurred or the consequences it will have on you, your significant other and your current relationship (psychologytoday). Ignoring and burying it are the worst things you can do. Instead, make the affair a learning experience. What are its roots? Why did it occur? What affect will it have on your relationship? If you are in a dead or destructive relationship, an affair may just be what you need to empower yourself, feel your self-worth and get out of that bad relationship for good. Use it as a catalyst for action if this is the case. An affair can also help you see what you are missing in your primary relationship. You need to examine what it is that is missing and how to address the issue with your romantic partner. Is it neglect, insecurity, missed intimacy or just taking each other for granted? An affair can put things in perspective and give you the insight as to what is wrong with your primary relationship and how to fix it.

Some people think an affair just happens. We are strung along by emotions stronger than ourselves. This isn’t true at all. An affair occurs for a reason. Look to what is unfulfilling or missing and have a heart-to-heart with your partner about it. Can something be done about it? Or do you have irreconcilable differences? Should the relationship even be saved? The truth is that an affair is duplicitous. It’s living a lie. It may seem exciting at first, but for the long term it isn’t practical for anyone involved. What eventually happens if the affair is found out is that all parties involved, their significant others and/or spouses, the children, and many others are hurt, sometimes irrevocably. An affair can also hurt one’s reputation, friendships, even your work or reputation in the community. In fact, it’s a huge liability. Many people fool themselves on the reasons they are having an affair. Instead of being trapped in a relationship that isn’t working, find out why it isn’t and deal with it. It may be more painful upfront but it’s the right thing to do, and it will safeguard you from painful instances that are far worse for you and others in the long run.

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  1. Pingback: Constructive Self-Criticism for Change | Positive Productive

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