Do you have someone in your life who is tired of you blocking them out? Have you come across real love which felt so unreal to you that you just can’t accept it? Do you have a hard time accepting love? Here are some clues that will let you know whether you are just suffering from a general anxiety or you have a specific issue dealing with accepting love. Once you identify the specific root of the issue, you can best cope with or solve it.
First, do you pursue romantic partners who are unavailable? If you have a trend of dating married people, those who clearly aren’t ready for a relationship or those who for some reason or another cannot commit in a normal relationship, you could have a specific problem accepting real love. Relationships are just surface relationships without any strings. Are you the type that believes that you yourself aren’t worthy of love? Do you believe you have to change yourself, or go through some sort of battle or difficulty in order to be worthy of love? If you feel uneasy because you are in a relationship where someone wants to love you, but you feel as though you haven’t earned that love, you may be having trouble accepting real love.
Do you hide from people when you have problems? If you hide problems, particularly from the person you’re dating, canceling plans in order to be alone and sulk, but say that you are fine you may have trouble having a healthy, loving relationship. You believe that you can’t lean on someone else and need to keep your coping skills sharp, than you aren’t looking forward to a future with this person. And if you aren’t seeing them in your life, it means you have a hard time seeing yourself with someone long term, ergo you have a hard time accepting love and your identity becoming part of a larger, long term relationship. Have you ever shared something with the person you’re dating, something personal, and then regretted it? Worse is when you’re frustrated by it. This shows that you have a hard time letting people in. You’ve thrown up walls in order to protect yourself, only to find yourself alone within. It’s lonely in there. But to let someone in, you have to let your guard down and be vulnerable. But if you can’t, or it hurts to or if you have an internal conflict about it than you have a hard time accepting love.
What do you do about it? Start taking little steps with someone you can trust, and love and who loves you in a committed relationship, and congratulate yourself when you succeed. Do trust exercises. Try couple’s counseling, or even a couple’s retreat. Or perhaps only personal counseling is needed. Heal your problems with accepting love and you will find a happiness you never knew you could have. For more advice read, Receiving Love: Transform your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.