Give a Divorced Guy a Chance

shutterstock_294128408The rules of dating and courtship in our culture have changed tremendously in a short period of time, making it harder to make romantic decisions. Though we at times deride the feeling of free falling into love, only to find ourselves ejecting from it once again, in the end we aren’t meant to fit in a box, human life is longer now, and we must find who fits us whether it be long-term or only for that period in time. Still, even though we are oh-so-modern, some residual effects of the old ways still inhabit our thinking. For instance, divorce used to be taboo. Today, a lot of women still carry a stigma against men who have been married before. The idea is that he is damaged goods. Well, aren’t we all? These women think that whatever broke up his marriage may infect their relationship, should one begin. The truth is people split up for lots of different reasons. Different people interact differently together. Their problems might not be yours. The reason their marriage broke up may have no bearing on a future relationship with you. Who knows? His ex-wife might have nothing but good things to say about him. And yet, for one reason or another they did not work out. Rather than staying away from divorced men, you should perhaps lean toward dating one. Why do you ask? Here are some reasons you should give a divorced guy a chance.

Tired of men who are afraid to commit? A divorced guy isn’t. Or at least he wasn’t. This is not the eternal bachelor who keeps his lady helplessly hoping for commitment which deep in his heart he knows will never come. Past behavior is a great indicator of future choices for most people. So with this guy, you know that if the situation is right, he will be ready to take things to the next level. With a divorced man, he has already put time into a serious relationship. He knows the drill. Some guys have been bachelors for so long, either by choice or circumstance, that they have a hard time transitioning from “me” to “we.” They don’t check with you about things you should have input on, and they may make decisions without considering how they will affect you. But a man who was once married can transition more easily from prioritizing himself to his relationship. Divorced guys are a bit more mature. You have to be to be married and to go through a divorce, one of the most painful experiences a person can have. He has to have gained at least some knowledge and insight from the experience.

A divorced man has some idea what it takes for a long-term relationship to work. If he is self-reflective, he may have even noticed his short-comings and own up to past mistakes, helping him avoid making them a second time around. In any relationship that did not last, both parties have had an influence. Chances are, his ex has already pointed out his faults to him, and he is aware of them and better able to manage them. If he is willing to give a long-term relationship a shot again, it shows if he is positive, resilient, and has hope. Lots of men go through a divorce proclaiming that they will never get married again. But if he is not talking marriage down, and is still open to it, it shows a lot of underlying, positive qualities. Even that he is back in the dating scene again is a positive sign. Consider learning more about him first. Is he still balancing duties from his first marriage, such as parenting? Has he recovered from the divorce completely? What led to the marriage’s breakdown? Personal information and insights into who he is will give you a better idea of whether or not to get involved with him. But don’t count him out just because he is divorced. In fact, the whole affair may have a silver lining, a better, future relationship with you.

For more dating advice that may just lead to marriage read, Single Is The New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘Til It’s Right by Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell.

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