After a divorce, your life will change forever. It’s a monumental pivot. But just like any other metamorphosis in your life, how you choose to see it is really up to you. It can be devastating and leave you a husk of your former self, bitter, depressed and alone. Or you could see it as a brand new start and springboard yourself into the life you’ve always dreamed of. The choice, as with any other choice when it comes to perspective, is up to you. Lots of people experience a divorce as a positive chance in one’s life. Lots of people in a recent Reddit thread talked about how divorce had had positive aspects in their life. Some were even happier years after the divorce took place. Some people talked about higher self-confidence, a sense of inner peace, the ability to pursue their dreams unencumbered. Sure sadness would creep in now and again, just like for anyone else. But the good days outweighed the bad. It seems tough to look at the positive aspects of a divorce while you’re going through it, especially if it’s a long drawn-out process with lots of painful things brought up, revenge tactics or a tit-for-tat mentality. But there is light on the other side of the courtroom door.
There are lots of couples who stay together for the kids. They think the children don’t know that they fight. But it turns out the kids always know somehow all along. A high conflict relationship is definitely not good for the kids. Studies have shown that having children of divorce fare much better than those living in a high conflict household. Even in a low conflict household, children can also sense when the parents aren’t happy. Pursuing happiness isn’t only important for you, it’s also a great lesson to teach your children. Would you want them to wallow in an unhappy marriage in order to make you happy? So don’t put this undue burden on them. In fact, you may have a better relationship with your ex and your children’s parent than you would when you two lived together. There are some couples that are great but just can’t live together. It has something to do with their personalities. The fighting over little things goes away once you are divorced and you can begin to focus on what’s important for the children and on what other decisions you have to make together. Remember to take it day to day. You choose how much you can handle each day. Go through your own healing process but make sure you come out stronger, happier and better adjusted at the other end. For more advice read, Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke.