Don’t let Something Casual Get in the Way


Everyone is so busy nowadays, who has time to slow down and develop a relationship? In today’s world you can Google open relationship advice and be cued in to so many articles and techniques that it’ll be hard to stick to one person.  Plus, with so many dating sites, apps, and possibilities to choose from, it’s hard to narrow down your choices unless you’ve found the one or are ready to settle down. With such a high divorce rate, there are people playing the field at any age. One problem though, whether you are new to the game or have been doing the friends with benefits thing for a while, don’t let something casual get in the way of your actual love life taking off. Some people cycle through so many dates they get dating fatigue and never really get a chance to know any of them, or if any of these dates might have been right for them. They should have slowed down and found out who was sitting in front of them. Studies have shown that Millennials are tired of serial dating that seems shallow and unsatisfying. Yet, fast and easy sex with no heartaches or headaches and no regrets can be a hard concept for either gender to part with. Still, though sex is a biological need, love and intimacy are human psychological needs which are just as pivotal to our happiness and well-being. In the 1960’s with the advent of the birth control pill and the zeitgeist of the era we saw the rise of the Sexual Revolution. And in the wake of the Great Recession we are seeing many more women today earning college degrees and paying their own way. Most women no longer need a man’s financial support, which was a major pressure for women to get married.

Of course, procreation is still something important. However, with modern science men and women are having children much later now. The demands of earning a degree or even a higher degree in order to be competitive in today’s job market still puts romance and love on the backburner. Still, love can happen. And although there is nothing wrong with a no strings attached (NSA) relationship, in the long term it won’t be fulfilling psychologically. So you can get sidetracked and end up missing the chance to allow a beautiful, fulfilling relationship into your life. First, don’t let NSA relationships stop you from looking or being open to something long term. Don’t feel like no one is going to want a relationship with you, or wonder what the point is. You are still a capable, lovable, worthy person who should absolutely pursue a long-term committed relationship when the time is right. Either relationship depending upon where you are in life is up to you. You for the first time have the absolute freedom to choose how you want to live your romantic life through the blessings of technology and a liberal social atmosphere. Don’t fear it. Take advantage of it. But know your self-worth. Feel your self-esteem. Don’t think it makes you damaged goods. You are still the beautiful, loveable, worthwhile person you’ve always been. It’s what you wanted or needed at the time.

If you are engaging in a friends with benefits or NSA relationship, don’t just zone out. Think about it. What is it about this relationship that appeals to you? Do some self-discovery and learn really who you are, why you are the way you are and how you love, or how you enjoy sex and why that is. This could be a moment to reach down into something deeper and more significant inside yourself. How we love and how we enjoy sex says a lot about our personality. Everything has its roots and if you follow these branches down you are sure to learn quite a bit about yourself. In fact, learn from each encounter you have with love in your life whether it’s casual or serious, fulfilling or unrequited, whatever the situation. If you aren’t going to enjoy the situation, don’t feel pressured and don’t take part. You need to feel comfortable for things to progress well. If you don’t, there’s no point in doing it. When you do take part, learn to speak up and tell your partner what it is you want and how you want things done. It’s all about communication. In this type of situation you don’t have time to nurture a bedroom rapport so you need to be able to speak up and tell them what you like or else you may go unsatisfied. Some people enter NSA relationships thinking that they are sooner or later going to nail the other person down. But if your expectations aren’t the same as your partner you’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment. Still, in another sense hookups can lead to relationships. It’s all about how you two feel about each other. If you are in a friends with benefits relationship, don’t suffer in silence if you want more. Learn how to speak up. You can’t get what you want without a little communication. It might be difficult but it’s better than anguishing over your true feelings for a long time. To learn more on how exactly to take part in such an arrangement, read The Friends With Benefits Handbook: A “No-Strings Attached” Guide to Amazing Sex by Dee Bockler and Bob Bockler.

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