Are you in a relationship with someone that is emotionally unavailable, or you’re thinking about doing so? Few people have the talent and gusto to tear down another person’s walls. Usually you just end up emotionally drained and frustrated. Without building a deep emotional bond the relationship flounders and you feel hurt and angry, wondering why you put so much effort in and got little or nothing in return. Don’t get into a relationship with the emotionally unavailable. But how do you know who is and who isn’t? What are the warning signs? When someone is inconsistent with their time, or physically unavailable, then he or she is probably emotionally unavailable as well. If you talk for a week straight but don’t hear from him or her for a few weeks after, even a month, this person isn’t just busy. If you were important they’d make time for you. They are instead emotionally unavailable. Is the person you’re dating reliable? If your date says they’ll be somewhere but they never show up, this person’s walls may be too big to scale. When you agree to meet somewhere, or your love interest says that he or she will give you a ride, pick you up, even help you move, but is a no show, that is a telltale sign that this relationship isn’t going anywhere. Don’t expect a long term, healthy, happy relationship with this person. They aren’t at that point in their lives.
Does the person you’re dating share things from their past? If they are tight lipped about their parents, siblings, friends, where they came from and so on, this person isn’t ready for a relationship. What about talking about their feelings? With men especially, this may be hard to do. But if you’ve been dating for half a year and you still don’t know how this person feels inside, you are dating someone who isn’t available emotionally. Do you guys discuss your relationship together? Are there plans for the future? If not, be warned. With men who are emotionally unavailable, they often pursue women very strongly right in the beginning. But once the woman shows she’s interested, he stops pursuing. In a week or two he’s ready to pull out. If you’ve noticed or experienced this phenomenon in the guy you are dating, steer clear and keep an eye on him. Someone who is emotionally unavailable won’t want to meet your family or friends. He or she may make up excuses on why they can’t. But if you start to notice a pattern, it’s time to probe further. You can do some research online to learn more about emotional unavailability or read one of the many books available on the topic, such as Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins. If the person you are dating says explicitly that they aren’t ready for a relationship, believe them and be ready to move on.