Have you ever seen someone who was a real catch and then see their partner and wonder what in the world they were doing with that person? Most people have experienced this. There are those in bad relationships who don’t feel they can leave. Others seem to go on and on while the couple tries for the umpteenth time to make it work. The truth is there are a lot of catches who stay in bad relationships and just become complacent, but why? Turns out there are many reasons. Sometimes one partner makes more than the other. You get used to a luxurious lifestyle. The relationship or marriage is on the rocks. But you can’t leave. How can you ever live like you used to, after getting used to being a jet-setter? The truth is human beings have an emotional need for intimacy. If you love champagne and caviar more than the person who’s feeding it to you, this will always be an unhealthy relationship that if you let it, will consume you. These are silk handcuffs, a prison made of dollar bills, and even though it sounds fun for a while, sooner or later one realizes that true happiness is making a connection with one’s lover, not making a connecting flight to Barbados to try and fill an emptiness in their heart.
Some people stay together because they don’t want to hurt the children psychologically. Studies have shown however that children growing up in single parent homes grow up just as well-adjusted as those that grow up in dual parent homes. What’s more, relationship static affects children. So staying together but fighting, arguing or other strife can negatively impact children’s mental health. Children know whether their parents get along or not. So any amount of pretending isn’t good. What’s more, you model how your children will interact in terms of love. If you settle for something less and don’t pursue your happiness you are teaching them to do the same. Then there’s codependency, a problem for many couples. Having a partner there reassures lots of people. In fact, there are plenty of people who are scared of being alone. For more severe cases a spouse or partner’s inappropriate behavior gives them attention and sympathy from outsiders which would not be available without the significant other and their bad behavior. Whether you are with someone just to be with someone, or there is something more involved you must realize that this isn’t a good reason to be in a relationship. In fact, it only perpetuates a negative cycle. You have to truly love yourself to be happy. Focus on yourself and that happiness will resonate. Find ways to overcome the problems and self-esteem issues you suffer, and ways to feel good about yourself. Remember that you deserve a healthy, happy relationship. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. For more on this topic, read Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships by Cindi Sansone-Braff.