It’s no secret that our past relationships affect our present ones. That doesn’t mean the first person you kissed is haunting your newest romance, but it does mean that problems in a past relationship may spring up in new ones. A series of failed relationships in the past may make us feel like damaged goods, so much so that we close ourselves off from love, even if the perfect person has entered, for fear of messing things up, once again (yourtango.com). Instead of closing yourself off to love entirely, and sentencing yourself to a lonely, loveless existence, evaluate your past. What were the types of people you were attracted to? Was it healthy? If not, why were you attracted to these types of people? If you can answer that question, and what in your past makes you attracted to those who are bad for you, or bring out inappropriate or relationship sabotaging behavior, you can work on it and find healthier patterns to embrace. This will give you the chance to have a happy, fulfilling relationship.
How do you get over emotional distance and find ways to be intimate and vulnerable? First, you must find someone worthy of this, who is also ready for intimacy and vulnerability. If you are already there but can’t let your walls down, find out where this stems from. Do you have issues with one or another parent? Did you have a nightmare relationship in the past? Perhaps it’s best to discuss these issues with someone who knows you well. Why not talk with a close friend or a relative about it? If you are still friends with a past romantic partner, discuss it with them to get more perspective. Visit your local bookstore or check out articles online. If it is a serious roadblock to your happiness that you can’t get over yourself, seek out a therapist or a relationship counselor. You can even try a dating coach if that is more your speed. Don’t give up on yourself or your chances at happiness. Working on it is better than forcing it down. You can’t find happiness that way. Face your fears and the relationship you’ve always dreamed of can be yours.