Being Friends with your Ex: Off Limits?

Friends with your Ex

Is the grass really always greener on the other side?

The thought that the grass is greener can be true, with old flames especially. We are almost wired to want what we don’t have. Call it escapism or curiosity, but the truth is that wandering over to the other side can have some serious consequences.

“The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. No, not at all. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” ~Robert Fulghum

We all have our opinions on how to maintain a healthy relationship. Now science is here to back up the long held thought that being friends with the ex is not good for your relationship. A Canadian study brings us the facts.

Partners who were facing trouble in their relationship were especially in danger; if they remained friends with their ex, then they would look to them for validation. They saw them as a potential replacement, especially if it was their last partner, rather than one from years ago.

It’s not only a concern for those facing a rough patch in their relationship. The study also shows that having a close relationship and positive thoughts toward your ex also decreases your satisfaction with your current relationship. This could also increase the likelihood of them seeking solace in their former partner’s arms. This brings the idea of the grass being greener elsewhere to a whole new level.

If you are on the rebound or fresh out of a relationship when you start a new one, you are also in danger of comparing your new partner to your old flame. Nostalgia plays a role in this. If you feel emotionally threatened in your current relationship, then thoughts of your last relationship could cause damage. You were so familiar with the patterns of your former relationship that it may seem comforting to you as you face the new conflicts that you might not understand or be as familiar with. These are rosy colored glasses that are blocking your view, as it is hard to forget the negative when you are facing new concerns. It is easy to over romanticize the past, but remember that there must have been a reason you broke up.  If your partner is facing this issue, be there for them and remind them that the relationship was ended for a reason. Focus on the positive in your relationship and work towards a solution together. If you focus on the positive rather than the problem, this approach, along with a good dose of love and trust, can overcome any obstacle in your relationship.

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This entry was posted in Emotions, Ex, General, Marriage, Relationship, Strategy by Tipsofdivorce Team. Bookmark the permalink.

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