About Tipsofdivorce Team

Tips of Divorce articles are written by our expert team consisting of a recent divorcee, the creator of the website, a lawyer, a journalist, and content managers who edit and publish the articles. All contributors to this site have been impacted by divorce in their family and/or social lives. Our writers come from a wide array of backgrounds to give insights not only into life during and after divorce, but also married life, being a child of divorce, handling the legal aspects of divorce, dating and cohabitating, and more! Divorce has become so commonplace that it's difficult to find anyone who hasn't been affected by it in some way. In fact, recent studies show that many young people avoid marriage out of fear of getting divorced down the line. Divorce truly has an impact on society as a whole, not only the individuals who are directly experiencing it. This is why we encourage our followers to contribute personal insights, stories, and thoughts regarding divorce so that we can gather knowledge and wisdom from various perspectives to be used for future tips to help others.

Year Two Can be Hard on a Relationship

That sheer rush when you fall for someone can be so exhilarating. Every insight they share fills you with awe, their jokes are hilarious, and every idiosyncrasy tickles you pink. But some two years later some find their partner’s insights stale, their jokes lame, and the little habits you used to find so cute are now positively irritating. What happened? The biochemical that kept you high on this person this entire time has leveled off. This is what some people call limerence and others the “honeymoon phase.” After about six months it begins to wear off. The two year point is heavy for most people. Some never want to settle down. They just want to jump from person to the next, chasing the feeling of newfound love. But many people want a life partner to share things with. So in this case to keep those feelings alive takes a lot of work. It takes a considerable investment in time, effort, thinking and planning for any relationship to run smoothly. Once those feelings end you have to evaluate it for what it really is, and consider whether you indeed have a deeper connection with this person or if it was all just infatuation.

Take a good look. Is there good communication? What about affection and tenderness? Do you treat each other with respect? Can you work through problems constructively? If the thrill is gone and you can’t for the life of you figure out what you saw in this person, be happy that the fog of love has lifted and cut your losses. Don’t keep trying to breathe life back into the corpse or you will waste a lot of time and effort, and frustrate yourself to no end. If you have been through a series of these relationships and are always let down in the second year or thereabouts, take a look at your standards. Are they perhaps too high? Some dating experts say apps and websites have made it seem like we can find someone perfect, when it’s really in our foibles and our acceptance of one another’s that we find acceptance and through it, love. Another aspect may be a fear of intimacy. Those who fear commitment often find their fears bubble up to the surface once the feel good chemicals of love wear off. Take it slow, communicate and seek help so as not to sabotage a good relationship if you are indeed in one.

As things develop, that frantic intensity might be gone. But there are other advantages not available before. Sometimes we forget how those dizzying first days, weeks, and months give us tremendous anxiety. But relationships in later stages are more comfortable. Partners who know each other better are closer. Though the instant need to gobble one another may be gone, many married couples say sex is better once you get to know each other’s likes and dislikes, and perhaps what kinks you share in common. You have your technique down too. Sometimes relationships and sex can get dull and need some sprucing up. Having a date night, plan a vacation, consider tantra, learn a hobby together like cooking, rock climbing, yoga, or salsa dancing. These are novel experiences which will invigorate your relationship. Talk about what you want to explore together. Also, partners who spend too much time together can get on each other’s nerves. Spend a little time apart to explore different hobbies or spend time with friends. You can talk about something new over the breakfast table. Consider your relationship carefully. But if you have all the right things to make it great, try and infuse a few changes and you’ll be able to reignite the spark. For more readHow to Keep Your Relationship Exciting: 85 Tips to Keep the Romance in Your Life! by Kate Anderson.

Are Men Raised by Single Moms Better Husbands?

Are Men Raised by Single Moms Better Husbands?

There is no clear cut answer when it comes to men. But there is some agreement among psychologists that there might be advantages to marrying a man raised by a single mother.

He may be more helpful, independent, and sensitive to the needs of women, for instance. The so-called mama’s boy gets a bad rap in our culture. But LeBron James, Barack Obama, and others were raised by single mothers, yet show independence, leadership, and a can-do attitude. These aren’t the coddled whiners we often see in the movies or on TV. But they may be different than those raised by two parents. These men may have some further insight into interpreting emotions, effective communication, know what it means to chip in, and express their emotions in a mature manner. These are all good qualities when it comes to husband material.

A University of Reading study conducted in 2009 found that those boys who had a close connection with their moms had less worrisome childhood incidents and were likely to become hostile or aggressive later in life. Another study published in 2011 in the journal Child Development, found that a good mother-son bond predicted better romantic relationships later on. Of course, just because a man was raised by a single mother does not mean he has a healthy relationship with her. But the tendency is that they would be closer due to depending on one another for all those years.

Men raised by single women tend to have an enlightened view on gender issues and so are less likely to be chauvinistic. By having to work together with their moms growing up they have developed the skills a romantic relationship requires such as give-and-take, negotiation, and compromise. Some say these men are cleaner and are more inclined to pitch in around the house. That isn’t always the case. But they are more likely used to helping out with household chores, cooking, doing their own laundry, and so on.  One of the most crucial elements of a successful, long-term relationship is good communication. Guys raised by single mothers are more apt toward superb communication skills. While boys, they will have to get to know and understand their mothers emotions, which hopefully will transfer to understanding their wife better later on. Guys who have had the luxury of both parents have more of a safety net. But those raised by a single mother have to chip in more, come to terms with things, and so are more prone to getting active when there is a problem afoot, rather than sitting back and complaining about it.

Men raised by single mothers generally come from a background that isn’t necessarily indulgent. Chances are they had to fix a few things around the house, and so aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. They may also be more responsible. These men are used to pulling their own weight and picking up the slack. They may be better with children because a lot of them helped with their siblings. These guys make their lunch the night before work, set multiple alarms in the morning, and get a few tasks done before breakfast. They are generally reliable because they had to be to make it this far. One disadvantage to a momma’s boy is that the mother will be very invested in the marriage. The mother could feel threatened by her daughter-in-law, which could affect the son. Still, despite this one pitfall, there are a lot of positive qualities surrounding a man who was raised by a single mother.

For those still searching for such a man read, The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who’s Right for You by Laura Doyle

Is Being Friends First a Good Idea?

Is Being Friends First a Good Idea?

When you first meet someone you are interested in, sometimes the relationship takes a course of its own. You two can’t get enough of each other. In other situations it can be hard to tell how fast or slow things should go. Sometimes those who were hurt in previous relationships or just got out of a long and painful divorce want to take things abominably slow. But then you risk the other person losing interest or putting you in the “friend zone”, never to be seen as a romantic prospect again. Some people say being friends first kills the chemistry. Others say it’s a great way to see whether this is limerence or real love. So should you rush in headlong? Or is being friends first a good idea? Taking things slow might be the right move. No one can mess you up like a lover or an ex. So taking time to get to know someone is a smart move. Look past the chemistry and see if there are any warning signs. But what about being “friend zoned?” Well, according to a recent study a person’s attractiveness often increases as you get to know them better.

Researchers at the University of Texas, Austin conducted the study. They found that after spending more time together, things like compatibility made someone more attractive, even over other things such as appearance. Of course, researchers warn that what is found attractive in a mate varies widely from person-to-person, beauty thus being in the beholder’s eye. There was a trend toward getting to know someone better which made them more attractive. Lucy Hunt was the lead researcher. She and colleagues knew that couples are often similar in attractiveness level and share behavioral characteristics, what is known as “assortative mating.” What they wanted to know was why this phenomenon occurs. Upon investigating further, researchers found that desirability increased for many participants as time went on. Seeing someone in a different context than one normally does was the definitive factor as to whether the person became more or less attractive. Perhaps if you are dating someone you aren’t sure about, place them in a different context and get a read on how you feel about them. If you are always hanging out with friends, invite them to a family party, or ask them to join you in a volunteer opportunity. Chances are you’ll be better able to gauge how you feel about them.

Another reason is our impressions of someone change over time. When we first meet a person, we look at their outward appearance, how they speak, body language, tone of voice and much more, and we make quick decisions about them. This is actually a protection mechanism. Are they trustworthy? Over the long term we get to see different sides of them and as we do, how we feel about them changes.  167 couples took part in this long-term study. 100 were married and 67 were dating. The couples had known each other from three months to 53 years. Researchers set up video cameras and asked what had changed for the couple over the course of their time together. Then the attractiveness of each couple was rated by independent observers. This research also finds that if you want to date someone more attractive than you are, hang around them awhile. Investigators found that the longer the couple had dated before marriage the more mismatched they tended to be in physical attractiveness. Of course, nobody likes to be friend zoned. But that’s a risk we have to take if a relationship is truly to blossom.

For tips on turning things around if you’ve been “friend zoned” read, How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: Turn Your Friendship into a Relationship by The Wing Girls

Coming to Terms with Singleness

Coming to Terms with Singleness

Whether you are newly single, or perpetually so, lots of people don’t reflect on their singleness, nor do they actually come to terms with it.

Some jump from one relationship to another without any forethought. Others pine, preach keep impossible standards and curse the dating pool rather than evaluating themselves. There are those in today’s world who focus much more on their career. Love is an afterthought and sometimes just something to cure the biological need so that the focus can return to pursuing work related goals. Perennial adolescents exist too, in both sexes and existing way into adulthood. But many of these people don’t reflect on what it means to be single, who they really want to be and where they are going. Though it is the fastest growing demographic in America, single women seem to be stigmatized as weird, too independent or damaged. Single men up until middle age are seen either as someone else’s throw away, used goods or Peter Pans who are too selfish and never want to grow up.  But few people sit down with themselves and do some soul searching. Who is it I really want to be? What goals do I have for my love life? Do I really want to be cohabitating, married or single? How can I achieve my goal whilst still pursuing my other objectives?

People are staying single longer nowadays, marrying later, choosing to cohabitate or finding themselves divorced and back in the dating pool again. But few people really think about their future and where they would be happy. If you are single, determine what it means to you. What are the perks you enjoy? What are the drawbacks? Is having the freedom to do anything you want at the drop of a hat worth more to you than say having someone to be there for you, supporting you? How do you feel in the social sense about being single? Some people are embarrassed or even ashamed by their singleness. They feel that it makes them seem like damaged goods or carrying too much emotional baggage. But that is a yardstick to measure one’s self to a bygone era. In today’s world with such a high divorce rate, people staying in unhappy marriages for loath of the expense it takes to divorce, with people marrying later, cohabitating or just choosing to be single, there is no social norm in which to measure ourselves anymore. A lot of people compare themselves to their friends. But what good does that do you? If you are an architect you don’t want to be a mechanic like your best friend. Yet, why should their relationship choice have any bearing on yours? Being single can be seen as intimidating or exciting. It can make you seem confident and independent or damaged and bitter. Society may view you a certain way. Your parents and friend may have an opinion on your relationship status. And perhaps you have one yourself. But instead of letting the opinions of others dictate your singleness, take control of it, evaluate it, decide what you really want and go after it. Own your singleness and make it work for you.

Single in Your Thirties

Single in Your Thirties

With the way the job market is today, many people are putting off marriage. The omnipresent focus on advanced degrees and career development puts a damper on young people’s love lives. They have to put all of their focus on developing their career.  It’s normal to be single right into your thirties today. Around the late twenties or early to mid-thirties is when people are marrying, or as the trend increases choosing instead to cohabitate long term. Having children has been delayed until somewhere in the third decade as well.

Though it’s normal to be single even well into your thirties, and some prefer it that way, lots of people feel anxious about their love life if they don’t have someone serious at their side by this time. Women are feeling this sting particularly poignantly. But they shouldn’t worry so. Being single in your thirties today can even be natural. Lots of people feel lost without any clear path that one should take. It’s hard to figure out for yourself what you want in life and if it’s doable. But here is some advice to make dating and singleness in your thirties a more positive experience while you seek out your romantic path and pursue whom you meet on the road to love.

First, don’t build up a callous or bitter heart due to disappointments from the past. Lots of people clump the opposite sex together in a negative light when they’ve been unlucky in love. We are all guilty of it in some point in our lives and to a certain degree. The truth is that if you want to have a positive experience, you need to be enthusiastic. No one wants to date a sour puss. And if that’s all you are putting out there you are driving good, qualities mates away and perhaps attracting the wrong ones. Of course it is painful and heart wrenching when things don’t turn out right and we get hurt. No one and nothings seems to be able to cut so deep as being injured or spurned by someone we cared about. But at a certain point you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back out there again. It’s the same with a sport, an interest or a hobby. You have to work at it and you can’t let obstacles stand in the way. When you lose a game, you don’t give up the sport forever. You practice harder and come back to the playing field, not sulking but with your game face on. Don’t focus on your biological clock. It will make you choose the wrong person or make the wrong decision. Many a nasty divorce had its seeds in an anxious marriage. If it is really weighing on your consult your doctor for medical help such as freezing your eggs or sperm. This could free you from such worries. Know that you will date a lot, sometimes the wrong people, and that’s okay. Don’t fall for grass is always greener syndrome. Understand that everyone has faults. Find someone who has great qualities and faults you can live with, in time.