Why is it that some of us find those who aren’t good for us the most attractive? Is it the allure of forbidden fruit? Bad boys and girls can get your engine running. But for some it goes deeper. It is the mistaken fantasy that the sheer power of your love will burst the indelicate façade and a proper mate will burst forth. Being stung by such a false inclination more times than one can count could will leave him or her rethinking their approach to love. Sometimes there is something about this person that you just can’t seem to turn away from. They have a sort of magnetic energy over you that you cannot break. But is it they themselves, the way they make you feel, or a pattern from the past? At the same time, they have some sort of deep character flaw that makes them toxic to you . They can be inconsistent, verbally abusive, and put you through so many ups and downs that you feel like you’ve been on a carnival ride. It is like you are addicted to them. You literally are as emotional highs and lows create neuropeptides in the brain that mimic actual, physical addiction. But you can also break it. You can get out of this situation and get to a healthier place in your life. Here is some perspective and what to do if you are hopelessly attracted to someone toxic.
Usually, we get to a point where we realize intellectually that we have to get away from this person. But experts say this neurochemical attachment makes breaking up with them like ending an addiction. Think of it like that. You are going through withdrawal. Next, look at your personalities. Are you co-dependent? Is your complete focus of your life on the object of your affection? What about your lover, are they narcissistic? This is a common pairing psychologists say. Usually, if you can start to piece together the objective details of your relationship, and the pattern of past ones, you can start to see how things are working from a cerebral level, and they start to lose their power over you. The co-dependent actually drive this kind of relationship, due to their fear of flying solo. Then there are those who feel that life has painted them in a corner. They want someone to rescue them. But no one is attracted to someone who is needy. Instead, it is when a person is independent and emotionally strong that their inner glow calls a worthy lover forward. Come to understand why it is you keep going back to someone who is obviously no good for you, or reliving the same pattern with the wrong lovers. The quicker you can identify where this behavior stems whether it is not feeling attractive, not feeling worthy, or settling instead of being alone, the faster you can begin to find the way back, cut this relationship out of your life, and heal.
Find ways to love yourself. Invest in yourself. Find places you want to improve and make plans. As for the relationship, distance yourself from the person. Don’t feed into their negativity. Realize that is just their own fear of commitment and insecurities that makes them toxic. Start to recognize their actions over their words. Take a look at their friends, their job, their family, and where they really are in life. Chances are it is not an enviable position in the wider view. When you step out of it, and look at them from another angle, it often makes you see them in a whole new way, and breaks the spell. Remember to reinvest in yourself and the love you want, that your heart yearns for will be there when you are finally ready
For more on this read, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us