Do Guys Always have someone on Deck?

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Do Guys Always have someone on Deck?

Have you and your boyfriend broken up, and before you know it they are dating someone else? What gives? Did they have someone on deck or did they just jump into a rebound relationship that quickly? Some men hate being alone. So they do have a girl on deck just in case they become single again. Others find it best to attract another woman when they are with someone. So they have a woman they like to call and date casually from time to time, not only for validation, fun, and to bring to those awkward plus one events, but if she finds him attractive it will make other women attracted to him as well, and even bring out some healthy female competition. So he may call her up or start dating her again until he can find the one he really wants.

Sometimes men have female friends who are interested in them waiting in the wings. Maybe the guy didn’t even know she had a crush on him. You just assume that she was waiting to swoop in and snatch him up, and you might be right. But if you were thinking he had his eye on her the whole time it may not be the case. This happens to women as well.

When a man is young he tends to want to sow his wild oats. In his late teens and early twenties he wants to experience life to the fullest. That also means dating different kinds of women to see what he likes but also help him figure out who he is. Just as women go through a process of exploring their identities at this time, so do men. They also find out more about themselves via the women they’ve dated. It becomes a growing experience. But when it comes time to settle down in the later twenties or the early thirties, it generally isn’t someone he’s had in his rolodex a while, although it can be. Many times a man will come to the conclusion that he let the right woman go, and he will go and pursue her. Some women believe that this means he’s had her on deck for some time, when in reality he was in denial about his true feelings for her, and only now realizes who it is he should be pursuing. And sometimes two people just happen to get together when the time is right. Although it may look like he had her waiting in the wings, it was really an organic happenstance.

In the end, don’t worry about your ex having someone he can go back to. Instead, get over your heartbreak and look for the man you’re meant to be with. Dating games can be fun, but they can also be nasty, crude, quizzical and confusing. If you are into someone who is exciting but unreliable, realize that you probably will get your heart broken. But if you are going for the guy with a heart of gold, your chances of suffering from these games are slim to none. Date the right kind of guy and you won’t have to worry about someone waiting in the wings, anxious to take your place. For more help with getting over your ex read, It’s Called a Breakup because it’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt.

Red Flags with Dollar Signs on Them

Young couple worrying over finances

Red Flags with Dollar Signs on Them

Your spouse’s debt can really wreck you financial future. So much so that people are avoiding certain financial behaviors in others, and with good reason. Who wants to be weighed down by another’s irresponsibility? Here are some red flags with dollar signs on them; behaviors that let you know this person is bad with money. If the one you’re dating carries along some huge credit card debt and they aren’t making any headway on it, be afraid, be very afraid.

It’s not that you shouldn’t date someone with debt. Everyone in the modern world has some kind of debt to a certain extent. What is alarming is the lack of management. Everyone needs to manage their debt. A report by the National Marriage Project in 2009 concluded that debt destroys marriages. No matter what socio-economic class, race, or ethnicity, it’s debt that wipes out marriages. So hitching yourself to someone who has a lot of debt may be a recipe for an eventual divorce.

Do you know what makes the likelihood of divorce rise 45%? Thinking your spouse is spending too much. If you notice the person you are dating has horrific spending habits, they go for expensive trips, spa treatments, shopping sprees and other luxuries they can’t afford, to no abatement, put the brakes on that relationship. You’ll find the common account cleared out before the bills are due. Sometimes couples have different outlooks when it comes to money. One person tries to save as much as they can. The other feels that you can’t take it with you when you’re dead, why not spend it now? But these two vastly different attitudes will tear you apart if you aren’t careful. You have to manage it correctly. It takes a lot of talking, rule making, negotiating, and compromising.

If your lover is frequently receiving unemployment checks, beware. If they were unlucky, that is one thing. But if they keep finding and losing jobs, that’s another. If the latter is your sweetie’s case, kick them to the curb no matter how sweet they appear, unless you don’t mind supporting them. They may be immature, have a hard time getting along with others, or have commitment issues. Whatever the case, it doesn’t sound like good qualities to have in a relationship. For advice on improving you and your partner’s financial situation read, Debt-Proof Your Marriage: How to Achieve Financial Harmony by Mary Hunt.

Common Pitfalls of Attracting a Bigger Girl

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Common Pitfalls of Attracting a Bigger Girl

Are you interested in a lady whose shape doesn’t exactly fit the type on the covers of magazines? The truth is everyone is attracted to different things. As many know society and the media project unfair body images which make many women feel bad about their bodies. But the truth is lots of men love a woman with curves. In fact, many men prefer a bigger girl to a skinny one. There are lots of rumors about voluptuous girls on the internet. If you are interested in attracting a curvier woman don’t fall prey to the common pitfalls and stereotypes associated with attracting a bigger girl. For instance, there is a rumor floating around the internet that a fluffier girl is easier to attract as she has lower self-esteem. This isn’t true at all. There are women of all sizes that have high or low self-esteem. It all depends on the particular girl, not her size.

Women of all sizes have come to terms with and love who they are, just as women of all sizes have not. If you are approaching a girl whom you think is easy to pick up or attract only to realize that she isn’t, you’re going to be in way over your head. Instead, approach her as you would approach any woman, with class, humor, sophistication and an air of mystery. Some say that a bigger girl can defend and stick up for herself more, while a skinnier girl needs her man to defend her honor. The truth is women are women regardless of their size. If she has been offended you should stick up for her no matter her size. This is an unfounded stereotype.

When you approach her, don’t try to say things you think she’d like to hear due to her physique. For instance calling her cute is of course alright, but cute and cuddly should not be said. It’s actually offensive. Instead, tell her what you would tell any other woman. Tell her you love her eyes, her hair, or her smile. Tell her she’s beautiful, alluring, and special or however you genuinely feel when you approach her. Do not tell her that she’s got such a pretty face. It sounds like a dodge. Is it only her face you think is attractive? You are calling attention to her weight and could possibly make her feel self-conscious. But you want her to feel attractive. Just tell her she’s gorgeous or even that you love her curves.

Don’t tell her you are into big girls or that you like big, beautiful women. You are making her a fetish instead of liking her for the incredible person that she is. And is that all she is to you? Her size? Don’t objectify her. Celebrate her for who she is. Flirt with her. Dance with her. Ask for her number. Smile at her. Taker her out. Get to know who she is and compliment all the things you like about her. Don’t feel awkward dating her if others make you feel that way. If you really like her be yourself, be proud of dating her, and show everyone who you really are, how you feel about her and don’t worry about what others think. Love her for who she is. If she’s the right woman she’ll do the same for you. For more advice read, Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationship Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them) by Hanne Blank.

Financial Signs that your Date has Long Term Potential

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Financial Signs that your Date has Long Term Potential

TD Ameritrade and website Learnvest.com recently conducted a survey and found that most couples fight about money on average around five times per year. Other studies have shown that money is one of the most contentious issues for couples. It’s always the biggest issue in survey after survey that couples have to contend with. When dating someone if you happen to get to know how they handle their money and other financial issues, their dealings in these matters can exhibit character qualities that they possess. Someone who pays all of their bills on time for instance is conscientious, detail-oriented and responsible, whereas if they are irresponsible with money, or a total spendthrift, these qualities may weigh heavily on your relationship, of course depending upon who you are and what your financial situation and spending habits are. Certainly trustworthiness, chemistry, shared values and love all should inhabit a relationship. These are good qualities to have, especially for a long term romantic relationship. So what other financial signs should you look out for in your date to see if they have long term potential?

Many experts agree that it’s good for both of you to share in the financial decisions. It’s important that a couple act as a team. If you aren’t cohabitating yet, does the person you’re dating ask your opinion on things or are they more independent? The TD Ameritrade and Learnvest study found that generally with married and cohabitating couples, one person pays the bills and writes the budget. Really both people should know how to do these things on their own, particularly with how high the divorce rate is. However, if your love interest asks your opinion and is very considerate, there is a high chance they will be easy to talk to and negotiate with when financial matters come up. Of course you shouldn’t bring up personal subjects like money, savings, investments, retirement plan and so on, on the first date. Not if you want a second date. But as things start to get serious these are important issues.

How comfortable is this person talking about money? When someone is paranoid or testy about the subject, it can put a real damper on the relationship. But if your lover is comfortable discussing matters and opinions on all things financial, this person is a keeper. Is this person financially stable? What is there debt situation like? There are lots of people who are forgoing marriage due to their hesitancy in taking on their lover’s debt. Everyone must decide what is right for them. But having a life partner who has their financial situation under control, and is able to discuss financial matters with you are good signs of a strong relationship with long term possibilities. For more financial advice read, Money before Marriage: A Financial Workbook for Engaged Couples by Larry Burkett.

Laid off Guys are Getting Served Divorce Papers

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Laid off Guys are Getting Served Divorce Papers

When a married man has been laid off or is unemployed his chances of getting served with divorce papers increases significantly.  This is according to a study out of Ohio State University led by Liana Sayer. When the man is no longer employed it greatly increases the chances that either he or she will leave the marriage. There are several reasons for this. First, when one or both parties are dissatisfied with the marriage, unemployment is just another bad piece of news to put on the pile. For other couples as the length of time a person is unemployed increases, so does the tension mount in the relationship.

Bills are piling up, uncertainty builds, people get worried and scared. And those negative emotions begin to inhabit the relationship. Sometimes just the mere expectation of the man being the breadwinner can put a damper on the marriage. Also, men are very touchy when it comes to their careers. Men have been providers since the Stone Age. Providing is wrapped up in the male ego. If he’s unemployed, his ego is already bruised. But sometimes when a woman will point out a reality of the situation, he will take it as a put down and a fight will ensue.

If you are going through unemployment, realize that you are not your job. You are so much more than your career. You are part of a network of friends, family, a community, a nation and a species. You are whatever and whoever you want to be. Use your skills to create something, find yourself and begin the journey toward your ultimate transformation. Don’t let unemployment get you down. Instead, let it be a transition point to reinvent yourself. Pull out all the stops and become the best you you can be. If you are married to a guy who is unemployed, take heart. He will be alright. Don’t recede into your own worry. That will only help tear the marriage apart. You will be putting undue pressure on your spouse. And wallowing in these emotions doesn’t help anything. It only makes the matter worse. You are in control of your brain and so your emotions too.

Instead of being irritable and worrying, put on a calm face. Support your husband. Tell him how much you appreciate all he done so far. You believe in him and you know this is just a hiccup. You are going to stand by and support him, in good times and in bad. Make it a point to go out of your way and show how nurturing, caring, loving and supportive you are. If he’s a certain kind of way, give him space first. He’s liable to lick his wounds for the first few days. But if you show undying love and devotion he’ll feel good and be motivated, giving him the best chance to reinvent himself and find or create gainful employment. If you are the one who recently lost your job read, Keeping Your Head after Losing Your Job: How to Survive Unemployment by Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D.