Signs you May have Found the One

happy

Signs you May have Found the One

So you’ve found someone you’re really into, and they seem really into you, and the chemistry is incredible. But how do you know if you may walk down the aisle with this one? There are signs that you may have found the one.  One of the first areas to check are your likes and dislikes. Do you two like the same type of movies, music, books, and hobbies and so on? The more alike your tastes the better a match you are.  It can be a surprise when you belt out a few notes to a song and your sweetie picks up where you left off. But it can also be a sign that you two are a really great match. How do you both act when talk of the future comes up in conversation? When you bring up taking a vacation in the summer when it’s winter, does your sweetie flinch, or are they excited? If talk of the future doesn’t scare either of you but in fact excites you or makes you both feel good, it’s a good sign that this relationship is ready to move on to the next level. If you aren’t sure, bring up something you’d like to do with them a little in advance, say a few months or so and see how they respond. But don’t make it a big deal like spending New Year’s in Paris if you two aren’t in that place in your relationship yet, or else you have a good chance of scaring him or her off.

Lots of people believe that introducing your love interest to your parents is the big one. But the real test is your friends. Your family’s opinion is important. But you can’t choose your family. Your friends however are another matter. Your friends are actually a reflection of who you are inside. So if they don’t fit in with your clique how can they fit in in your life? If you’ve ever had something serious happen when you were dating, if you found that you could depend on him or her to get your back, help you out and be there for you, then this is a great sign that you could have found your perfect match. Do you two think in terms of me or in terms of we? If every time a social commitment comes up you say you have to check with your lover’s schedule, and they do the same to you, then congratulations you are already thinking as a unit, and there’s a good chance you’re ready to bring your relationship to a higher plane. Do you accommodate each other? If your sweetie is lactose intolerant and you found yourself only buying that kind of milk for your kitchen, you definitely want to stay together long term. Do you text or email throughout the day with little things you want to share? If so, you guys are in tune with each other. If you go places by yourself and you and they are reminded of the other throughout the day, then you are in love and they are always with you, because they’re on your mind. For more on this topic, read Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who’s Right and Avoiding Who’s Wrong by Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D.

Dating Stats to Up your Game

dating

Dating Stats to Up your Game

Do you need to up your dating game? If the potential candidates don’t even begin to cut the mustard, you may have to change your perspective. It doesn’t always come easy. Sometimes you have to get some new facts, receive some insight, come to terms with something from your past or try a new tactic in order to find love. Here are some dating stats to help mix things up, change your prospects or even your perspective. First, did you know that 63% of happily married couples meet their spouse through their network of friends? So why not elicit a friend or two, or maybe get the word out that you are single and ready to mingle. Some friends love to play matchmaker. And don’t leave out friends of friends. Facebook and other social media sites can acquaint you with some of them. And parties and social events with others. In fact, why not throw your own party and invite friends, and tell them to bring their friends? Remember that 44% of Americans are single according to the latest U.S. Census data. So the dating pool is indeed quite large and there’s someone out there for everybody. How do people let the other party know they are interested? 25% touch them when they talk. 51% flatter the person. And 23% get their friend to inform the object of their interest.

Don’t get too concerned ladies, but the numbers do favor guys. For every 100 unmarried women there are 86 unmarried men in the U.S. However, the odds are in a gal’s favor in some warm and sunny cities, especially out West. Tempe, Arizona, Austin, Texas, Santa Ana and Sunnyvale California and Fort Lauderdale, Florida are just some of the places you’ll find the numbers in a lady’s favor. The best place to be single and meet someone out and about is New York City. 50% of people in New York State are single, 70% of Washington D.C. residents are.  The worst two places are Utah at a 59% marriage rate, and Idaho where 60% of them are. Lots of people go to bars to meet people. But only nine percent of women and two percent of men meet someone in a bar and have a relationship with them. Reticent about online dating? Don’t be. 40% of singles in the U.S. have a profile on an online dating site. If you don’t have one, sign up. But make sure you post your photo. Profiles with photos get double the amount of email responses than those without. But don’t break up over email, even if you met online. Do it face to face, even though 48% of those who met online admit do breaking up via email.  When you do get that first date take your time to make sure you like them or don’t. On average men decide if they want a second date with a woman within fifteen minutes. Women take somewhere around an hour to decide. The number one argument topic according to the University of Colorado in Denver is money. For more dating advice, read How to Date Better: Finding, Friending, Hooking Up, Breaking Up, and Falling in Love in the 21st Century by Ella Ceron.

Singles Spelling Bees

singles

Singles Spelling Bees

Are you a logophile trying to find your ultimate opponent in Scrabble, crossword puzzles and more? Do you love having an in depth knowledge of words and how to spell them? Do you want to find the perfect mate to share your love of words and word competition? If you said yes to one or more of these than a singles spelling bee might just be for you. Fueled by the Broadway musical The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, the bestselling book Bee Season and the documentary Spellbound, this newest twist on spelling bees was created by Zac Kushner. Kushner works for a company called Makor which specializes in out of the ordinary social events. The focus of these events, such as the singles spelling bee, is fun, which takes the pressure off. And all the participants have a love of words and word competition in common, so there will be lots to talk about. And who doesn’t want to find a witty, cerebral sweetie to share all your favorite things about words with? Isn’t one of the great visions of life sharing your autumn years doing crossword puzzles on a back screened in porch over coffee, after breakfast?

This is the new way people are meeting and dating. And these single spelling bees have become quite popular. The event in New York City has an open bar which can help calm those pre-spelling jitters. But the single spelling bees seem more fun and less tense than the grade school versions. Another difference is that there are categories. Mythical creatures, uncomfortable things, and band names were some of them. These events are supposed to be lively, energetic and fun. And teams are sure to pull together over victory or defeat. When you are on the same team together a camaraderie is formed, which may help get those romantic juices flowing, and help get past the awkwardness to see if there is any chemistry. Some answers that came up were Chupacabra, Chlamydia and Snoop Dogg. Don’t forget the two g’s on that last one. Of course, if you attend any of these events make sure your focus is on meeting people and having fun. Those with a more competitive bend may lose sight of the real reason for the event. Even though it’s great to win, it’s better to display good sportsmanship and not to step on any toes. Those might be the cute toes of someone you might want to get to know better. So instead, make sure you keep it lighthearted. But who knows, maybe you’ll be sharing a great story of how you met, and the word they helped you spell over drinks with friends just a short time from now.

Be an Imperturbable Dating Optimist

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Be an Imperturbable Dating Optimist

Everyone goes through a dry spell or a time when all they seem to be dating is a cavalcade of losers with no end in sight. Don’t let it get you down. It’s normal. But if you let it get you down and become a sour puss, a serial complainer or throw up your hands and say it’s hopeless, you’ll worsen your chances of finding the right person for you. Instead, learn how to be an imperturbable dating optimist. The first thing to do is to focus on the good things in your life. Make a list of why you should feel grateful. Practice inner peace, no matter what your persuasion. Reconnect with family and friends, but also yourself. Start to feel why you are such a great catch. Next, when you go out on a date, exude positivity. Notice the great things about the place you go, not the bad things. Compliment your date on the great qualities they possess, don’t just focus in on the negative or things that irk you. Bring up topics that you love to talk about. Your enthusiasm will shine through. And nothing in this world is more magnetic than sincere enthusiasm. And if the date is going really badly and there’s nothing you can do about, don’t think of it as a wasted evening or awkward moment but a funny story to tell your friends later on.

Do you or your friends here you exclaiming negative words associated with dating? If you keep going to the touch words won’t, can’t or hate you will never find your inner optimist. Instead, whenever you hear yourself saying one of these stop and take a look at it. Is it really as bad as all that? Challenge yourself to find something good in your dating life, even if it’s something funny or off color. If you swear a lot get a swear jar. And when you finally find someone you are interested in use it to take them out. If you really swear a lot you can take them for a weekend getaway. Talk yourself up when you are about to go on a date, just like how famous professional athletes psych themselves up before a match. Let yourself know that you never know. You never know what is going to happen. And if this person isn’t the one, or at least someone you can spend some time with, you might meet someone along the way who is, you could bump into an old flame, you may end up marrying this person, or even getting together with a friend of theirs. So be on your best behavior. If it isn’t the company but the activity that falls flat, perhaps suggest something you’ve always wanted to do and see if they are game. Have a coach or a whole squad of cheerleaders to call when you don’t feel like going on the date or you have a negative view and can’t shake it. Your dating destiny is in your hands. Choose to make it happy, lighthearted and fun. It’s really all up to you. For more advice, read Stop Wondering if you’ll Ever Meet Him: A Revolutionary Approach for Putting the Date Back into Dating by Ryan Browning Cassaday and Jessica Cassaday, PhD.

How to Argue the Right way

arguing-couple

How to Argue the Right way

Some couples get freaked out over the slightest conflict, thinking that it spells the beginning of the end. Others scream obscenities at each other at the drop of a hat. There are couples that hold grudges for days, and others who forget the moment they stop talking. Each couple fights in a different way. But there are ways to argue that are healthy and help bring to the surface issues the couple has to deal with. And there are ways that are toxic and will ultimately pull them apart. So how can you fight the right way? Here are some ground rules to follow whether you just met someone or have been together for quite some time that will keep you both inside fair territory. First, be honest about what you’re fighting about. If you are jealous because they were making goo-goo eyes at a friend of yours, tell them that. Don’t make up an excuse or a reason to be upset. It will reveal that you are jealous or perhaps feeling a bit insecure. But at least it’s an honest dialogue. It’s something to go on. He or she may not even be aware of what they were doing. It might also endear you to them, as they may not have been aware of how much you care.

Don’t let a request or offhanded comment turn into a personal attack. If you want them to change their behavior tell them about the behavior that is bothering you. Instead of saying, why are you always late? Explain that it bothers you when they show up late to things, especially since you like to be on time. What can be done to rectify the situation? One puts the person on the defensive. The other asks them to examine the phenomenon or behavior and calls on them to help you analyze it and figure it out without making it personal. If you are a guy, realize that a particular incident or a series of incidents may mean more to her, belie a deeper issue that it does to you. In other words, when a woman brings up something, it may have a deeper meaning. ‘Why do you always forget that I like extra ketchup with my French fries?’ might be a concealed attempt at saying, ‘don’t you care about me enough to notice how I like things?’ So pay careful attention, apologize and rectify the situation, or run out and get her ketchup. Gals, guys tend to tie up their ego in their jobs. If you mention that he should be making more, or that you wish you could afford to go out for dinner once in a while, you may think you are voicing needs or desires, but you are also cutting your man down. Do not throw something someone is embarrassed about in their face. You may win the battle but it could have cost you the war. Fight fair.  For more advice, read Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style can Help you Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin, PsyD and Harville Hendrix, PhD.